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Titlethe secret life of a manic depressive | the secret life of a manic depressive: navigating the labyrinth of nhs mental health services

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introducing yourself https://thesecretlifeofamanicdepressive.wordpress.com/2008/09/18/readers
me and @markoneinfour on bbc radio – ouch: disability talk, let’s talk about mental health … but then what? https://thesecretlifeofamanicdepressive.wordpress.com/2017/04/21/me-and-markoneinfour-on-bbc-radio-ouch-disability-talk-lets-talk-about-mental-health-but-then-what/
evening all https://thesecretlifeofamanicdepressive.wordpress.com/2017/04/03/evening-all/
housing benefit scrapped for 18-21 year olds  https://thesecretlifeofamanicdepressive.wordpress.com/2017/03/04/housing-benefit-scrapped-for-18-21-year-olds/
my blog is 10 years old! hooray! https://thesecretlifeofamanicdepressive.wordpress.com/2017/02/08/my-blog-is-10-years-old-hooray/
goodbye carrie fisher, drowned in moonlight,  strangled by her own bra.  https://thesecretlifeofamanicdepressive.wordpress.com/2016/12/27/goodbye-carrie-fisher-drowned-in-moonlight-strangled-by-her-own-bra/
sorry for the silence…  https://thesecretlifeofamanicdepressive.wordpress.com/2016/11/18/sorry-for-the-silence/
bbc ouch podcast-me and mark brown talk mental health  https://thesecretlifeofamanicdepressive.wordpress.com/2016/10/14/bbc-ouch-podcast-me-and-mark-brown-talk-mental-health/
the loneliness at the end of the story https://thesecretlifeofamanicdepressive.wordpress.com/2016/09/13/the-loneliness-at-the-end-of-the-story/
hiraeth/west belfast/home https://thesecretlifeofamanicdepressive.wordpress.com/2016/08/06/hiraethwest-belfasthome/
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new buzzfeed article- 6 things i wish i’d heard as a bipolar teenager https://thesecretlifeofamanicdepressive.wordpress.com/2016/03/16/new-buzzfeed-article-6-things-i-wish-id-heard-as-a-bipolar-teenager/
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me and @markoneinfour on bbc radio – ouch: disability talk, let’s talk about mental health … but then what? https://thesecretlifeofamanicdepressive.wordpress.com/2017/04/21/me-and-markoneinfour-on-bbc-radio-ouch-disability-talk-lets-talk-about-mental-health-but-then-what/
http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p050rhtp http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p050rhtp
twitter https://thesecretlifeofamanicdepressive.wordpress.com/2017/04/21/me-and-markoneinfour-on-bbc-radio-ouch-disability-talk-lets-talk-about-mental-health-but-then-what/?share=twitter
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mental health https://thesecretlifeofamanicdepressive.wordpress.com/category/mental-health/
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evening all https://thesecretlifeofamanicdepressive.wordpress.com/2017/04/03/evening-all/
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housing benefit scrapped for 18-21 year olds  https://thesecretlifeofamanicdepressive.wordpress.com/2017/03/04/housing-benefit-scrapped-for-18-21-year-olds/
http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/housing-benefit-axed-18-21-year-olds-dwp-damian-green_uk_58b99db8e4b0d2821b4dcc6e?ncid=engmodushpmg00000003 http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/housing-benefit-axed-18-21-year-olds-dwp-damian-green_uk_58b99db8e4b0d2821b4dcc6e?ncid=engmodushpmg00000003
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my blog is 10 years old! hooray! https://thesecretlifeofamanicdepressive.wordpress.com/2017/02/08/my-blog-is-10-years-old-hooray/
- https://thesecretlifeofamanicdepressive.files.wordpress.com/2017/02/wp-1486607234742.jpg
recovery myth https://thesecretlifeofamanicdepressive.wordpress.com/2013/10/16/the-recovery-myth/
and the late, great mark fisher, who ended his life last month, wrote about it beautifully here https://theoccupiedtimes.org/?p=12841
reading back those early entries were such anxiety about ever having children https://thesecretlifeofamanicdepressive.wordpress.com/2007/02/19/the-kick-inside/
10 years ago. https://thesecretlifeofamanicdepressive.wordpress.com/2007/02/10/bellys-gonna-get-ya/
8th may 2009 (when the radio 4 play based on this blog was broadcast- read this post) https://thesecretlifeofamanicdepressive.wordpress.com/2009/05/08/afternoon-play/
musings on mumhood- feminism, love and grief https://thesecretlifeofamanicdepressive.wordpress.com/2015/05/18/musings-on-mumhood-feminism-love-and-grief/
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home blogroll who she? and contact details the secret life of a manic depressive entries rss | comments rss blog stats 1,521,858 have come visiting tweets from a twit rt @russellhayward: share away https://t.co/wp8jasorxs 8 hours ago rt @cpcatrambone: no words... https://t.co/yulvehb0do 8 hours ago rt @danhett: i was a little dubious about martyn's recent bold social media move, but it worked. https://t.co/cpi0sckq2b 10 hours ago rt @communitaria71: never hand terrorists a victory by radically changing the way you live. unless you're sliding in the polls. then stick… 16 hours ago @ilonacatherine i'm so sorry for your loss ilona. he seemed like a cool fella. all my love. x 16 hours ago rt @smellthetea: amazing young man in #manchester - fighting hate by kindness https://t.co/9m3bo1bga3 17 hours ago @gailmcanena @kinglobsterclaw nope, we married 5 years ago 1 day ago @drem_79 your tweets went far and wide and made people think. hope you're ok as can be. 1 day ago rt @sarahksilverman: when the fuck does this stop? cops who murder are murderers. punishment should be fucking severe https://t.co/x62qouh… 1 day ago rt @bridgewithout: refugee women and children: the mental scars of being stuck in limbo in european transit countries. https://t.co/g03nmfo… 1 day ago they won't though. 1 day ago the media really needs to get a grip on how they report stuff like this, to maintain any semblance of humanity and stop glorifying killers. 1 day ago the coverage of the manchester bombing has been stomach churning. traumatised children forced to speak at mic point splashed everywhere. 1 day ago rt @drem_79: when i was caught up in a terrorist incident 4yrs ago, the behaviour of uk media made the trauma much worse. they don't seem t… 2 days ago rt @informed_edu: amid today's horror, worth remembering that the 12 year gap between major uk bombings is the longest in 50 years. https:/… 2 days ago rt @bbcnewsround: if you know any children who might be upset about what has happened in #manchester, newsround has advice here https://t.c… 2 days ago rt @refugees: what was syria like before the war? perhaps more familiar than you think. searchingforsyria.org/en/what-was-sy… #searchingforsyria https://… 2 days ago @badlydrawnroy i hope you manage to get some rest tonight and a massive cuddle tomorrow. 2 days ago @badlydrawnroy much love fella. have you got somewhere to stay tonight? 2 days ago rt @saint_martha: i'm just repeating lrt but seriously people are searching for their kids, friends & family etc & area is still being clea… 2 days ago follow @ms_molly_vog random post click here for a random post pages blogroll who she? and contact details a cornology of categories a cornology of categories select category #you’vegotlegsgetupandwalk (1) a guide to living with mental illness (5) abnormal psychology (2) alcoholism (6) all in the mind (1) alternative medicine (2) angry rants (2) anti-psychiatry (1) anticonvulsants (3) antidepressants (4) antipsychotics (3) anxiety (5) articles (1) asylums (1) avoidant personality disorder (1) being mentally interesting (8) being old (1) belfast (1) benefits (2) bipolar (226) bipolar disorder (220) rapid cycling bipolar (7) rapid-cycling (6) bipolar 1 disorder (16) blogs (1) body dysmorphic disorder (5) body image (3) borderline personality disorder (3) boring post (1) breastfeeding (1) brendan (1) brendan hollywood. 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evening all housing benefit scrapped for 18-21 year olds  my blog is 10 years old! hooray! goodbye carrie fisher, drowned in moonlight,  strangled by her own bra.  sorry for the silence…  bbc ouch podcast-me and mark brown talk mental health  the loneliness at the end of the story hiraeth/west belfast/home 10 years dead bulimic beats aka i thought i was over this shit new buzzfeed article- 6 things i wish i’d heard as a bipolar teenager give us your body, we’ll give your mind one 7 things i learned as the child of an alcoholic- my buzzfeed article recent comments… inkblottedmind on ruby wax is right- you don… alaimh counselling on me and @markoneinfour on bbc r… lynn on the insane guide to living wit… brenda mooney on the insane guide to living wit… manxmags on me and @markoneinfour on bbc r… dusty archives april 2017 (2) march 2017 (1) february 2017 (1) december 2016 (1) november 2016 (1) october 2016 (1) september 2016 (1) august 2016 (1) may 2016 (1) april 2016 (1) march 2016 (3) february 2016 (1) january 2016 (2) november 2015 (1) october 2015 (1) september 2015 (2) august 2015 (3) july 2015 (2) june 2015 (1) may 2015 (2) march 2015 (1) february 2015 (1) january 2015 (1) december 2014 (1) september 2014 (2) july 2014 (1) june 2014 (2) may 2014 (1) april 2014 (1) february 2014 (2) january 2014 (2) december 2013 (1) november 2013 (2) october 2013 (6) september 2013 (5) august 2013 (1) july 2013 (1) june 2013 (2) may 2013 (5) april 2013 (2) march 2013 (3) january 2013 (4) december 2012 (1) november 2012 (5) october 2012 (2) september 2012 (1) august 2012 (6) july 2012 (4) june 2012 (5) may 2012 (2) april 2012 (4) march 2012 (3) february 2012 (6) january 2012 (6) december 2011 (3) november 2011 (6) october 2011 (5) september 2011 (1) august 2011 (1) july 2011 (3) april 2011 (4) march 2011 (13) february 2011 (3) january 2011 (4) december 2010 (3) november 2010 (10) october 2010 (14) september 2010 (14) august 2010 (1) july 2010 (10) june 2010 (10) may 2010 (8) april 2010 (4) february 2010 (3) october 2009 (5) september 2009 (1) may 2009 (14) april 2009 (13) march 2009 (1) february 2009 (2) january 2009 (2) december 2008 (1) october 2008 (4) september 2008 (3) august 2008 (1) june 2008 (14) january 2008 (6) september 2007 (1) march 2007 (1) february 2007 (4) meta register log in entries rss comments rss wordpress.com me and @markoneinfour on bbc radio – ouch: disability talk, let’s talk about mental health … but then what? posted on april 21, 2017 by mentally interesting hello! you can listen to me and the lovely @markoneinfour talk mental health, prince harry and inappropriate dancing on the bbc ouch podcast this week. let me know what you think! http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p050rhtp share this:twittertumblrredditfacebooklike this:like loading... filed under: mental health | 5 comments » evening all posted on april 3, 2017 by mentally interesting hello everyone who came from blurt! and thank you blurt for the hat tip-check out that link for more excellent mental health blogs. sorry there’s no top quality bloggy goodness here. that’s because i’ve been really busy. i returned to work after being signed off for two months so i’ve been pretty exhausted. i also have a new job that i’m starting next week, which i’m terrified about (leaving lovely mind and all my lovely people! everything and everyone i know! my first proper job!) but which will hopefully mean a better balance in my life (no three hour a day commute, hooray!) i’ll write more soon but for now, here’s a cute picture of my son shouting, “flowers!” and generally being happy. x share this:twittertumblrredditfacebooklike this:like loading... filed under: mental health | 2 comments » housing benefit scrapped for 18-21 year olds  posted on march 4, 2017 by mentally interesting at 21 i was mentally ill, couldn’t work, had a dead alcoholic dad and my mum on benefits across the sea. i would have been homeless without housing benefit. it’s not just a room or a roof, it’s a base, a safe space. without that i never would have recovered enough to be able to work or have a child, i don’t think i’d still be alive. stopping work and being able to claim benefits was a positive turning point in my life. that’s just me, one person. this will badly impact on lbgtq people, people who have been abused and can’t “prove it” (how do you prove emotional abuse? physical and sexual abuse which shames you into silence, gives you a mistrust of anyone with authority over you, as well as the fact that some people rightfully fear the police?) since the single room rate is for over 35s now anyway what’s even to be saved? just more needless pointless cruelty. http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/housing-benefit-axed-18-21-year-olds-dwp-damian-green_uk_58b99db8e4b0d2821b4dcc6e?ncid=engmodushpmg00000003 share this:twittertumblrredditfacebooklike this:like loading... filed under: mental health | 18 comments » my blog is 10 years old! hooray! posted on february 8, 2017 by mentally interesting happy 10th birthday to this blog! if it were a person, it’d be in its last year of primary school. bloody hell. when i wrote my first entry, i was newly dispatched from a psychiatric hospital, newly having just-lost-my-dad, and trying to find my way in the world through a fugue of medications and grief. although i started this blog to write out feelings i felt were burdening people around me, to get closer to what i was experiencing, really this blog was a way to put distance between me and what was happening to me. to storify it, to fling its tendrils into others and drag them close to me, to share in it. because i felt alone and for however wise and clever i tried to sound, i didn’t have a fucking clue. and i had this phone: a fair amount has changed. i’d have hoped 10 years on i’d be shiny haired in my giant kitchen and recovered, but i’m not. (the recovery myth innit) i’ve been off work for the past month with another to go as i continue to be ill (largely strangulating anxiety, never really recovered from being ill at the end of last year) but i’m coping. long ago- long long long ago- i surrendered the identity of, “manic depressive” and started to deal with the messy foreverness of just mentally interesting, maybe slightly fucked in the head, maybe also struggling to deal with things that had happened to me, maybe with a dash of madness that a capitalistic world instills in people like you and me (and the late, great mark fisher, who ended his life last month, wrote about it beautifully here) in living each day. but at the beginning, and the middle, i needed that identity. it was a necessary part of getting to the point in my life where i could view the many limbed beast as something that floated alongside me, sometimes vapourously inside me, that didn’t define me, that didn’t own me. to submerge completely, to view my life through that one lens for a while was what i needed. i did, for a long time, need those medications, need that deadening sleep, need that anaesthesia and blue chaired routine of confession and penance. it was painful and exhausting and stumbling and sometimes humiliating and destructive but it did, eventually, get me into a quieter place, a quieter mind of being able to begin to untangle the what it is and what i am, and to be more gentle with myself and those around me who often suffered alongside me in each episode and in its self obsession. that’s the biggest change, really. that i am a person with, or who experiences x, y, z and not just that. you can’t escape that- the that is why i was under the perinatal team in pregnancy, the that is why it takes me so long to ask for help when i need it, the that is why i feel shame, despite everything, the that is the that that lurks in the background whispering it can kill you, anytime, no matter what, when you least expect it. but i’m still here. i’m still short, still fat. i’ve got a child, whom i adore, and reading back those early entries were such anxiety about ever having children, and i’m so glad i did. i don’t write as much as i’d like to, i work now when i wasn’t sure i ever would, i don’t take medication anymore but don’t rule it out, and i still can’t read a novel to save my life. i made it a rule not to discuss my relationships in detail in this blog, but i’m married and happily so, boringly happily so. i’ve always been quite lucky in that respect. i’ve got friends and quite a few of them i made through here. i also pretty much got my job because of this blog. the world has changed in 10 years for the worse. back when i started this blog i was on benefits and didn’t fear too much the brown envelope, which is unthinkable now. i don’t write so much about that either as i never feel i can do justice to it, someone always says it better. i feel like what i say about that here would be facile, so i’ll save it for another post. thanks to everyone who’s stuck with me for the past decade. (i am old). for the people who were there at the start and carried me through the worst years. and who are here now listening to my bollocks on whatsapp. for historians, this is the first public entry, 10 years ago. i made most of my earliest blog posts private due to the toe-curling embarrassment of writing while under the influence of being 21 years old. most of my early posts here made me utterly cringe in their melodrama- but now, with my greying temples and the tantrumy toddlerdom i live with- i’m far more sympathetic to the barely out of teenagehood of it all. there’s a sweet romance in the melodrama of that age, whether you’re just out of a psychiatric hospital or just out of school, or both. so if you’re a teenager and reading this, and you’re instagramming, tweeting, blogging or snapchatting mental health, keep doing it. when i started writing here, there weren’t many mental health blogs around and there wasn’t much of a community. now there is, it’s flourishing, people are sharing their stories, finding each other. keep finding each other. don’t worry about how you sound or look or if you’ve written something lovely. it’s not about that. challenge the narrative, don’t let anyone speak for you. i wish you’d all been around when i was a mental self harming teenager who had no idea what was happening to me and no way to explain it. you’re doing good things. keep doing it. not sure there’ll be 10 more years- it gets harder to write here the more of a, “normal” life i need to lead. despite 10 years, i still feel worried or self conscious about what people must be thinking when they read this. but maybe if i can make more time, more space, i can write more and care less. that’s what i’d like. either way- thanks for sticking with me. you’re a great bunch of lads. i hope my bollocks has helped! for historians and statisticians: total views: 1,512,968 (one and a half million, what the feck) busiest day: 8th may 2009 (when the radio 4 play based on this blog was broadcast- read this post) my favourite post: musings on mumhood- feminism, love and grief followers on wordpress: 4,790 followers via email: 167 social followers: 6947 weirdest search term of the day: slapping your sister in d dream correcting her and u were very angry with her weirdest search term in 2017: would i like to eat my own poo (why does this lead here? now it does again- no, you would probably not like it) share this:twittertumblrredditfacebooklike this:like loading... filed under: mental health | 1 comment » goodbye carrie fisher, drowned in moonlight,  strangled by her own bra.  posted on december 27, 2016 by mentally interesting ​i generally dislike the snowflake especial, self aggrandisement of bipolar disorder, where it’s treated like some sort of wonderful gift or quirky personality trait. it’s usually a thing that men do because famous men have so very much less to lose by being open about mental illness and bipolar disorder gets them their, “tortured genius” badge, whereas it gives woman their “tragic slut” or “psycho bitch” one. carrie fisher owned being a mad woman, being mad in a way only men are allowed to be (not quietly, and with a massive side order of coke and booze), and at a time when women shouldn’t be, and being totally fucking unashamed of it, as well as hilarious, human and seemingly bereft of self pity. if women are to be forgiven for their transgressions (mostly imagined), it is only by wilting quietly and apologetically. she didn’t. she bloomed and had her bollocks out and wrote so, so beautifully about ugly, funny, wonderful, painful things. she was a hero to me and many, the kind of princess i wanted to be. there’s a lot more i can and will say another time but for now- goodbye, carrie fisher. share this:twittertumblrredditfacebooklike this:like loading... filed under: mental health | 3 comments » sorry for the silence…  posted on november 18, 2016 by mentally interesting … i’ve not been very well over the past few months, unsurprising given its autumn and i’m always ravaged by depression at this time of year. i don’t really know why i ever hope it’ll be different. in the last few years i’ve had round the clock anxiety too which has been lots of fun. i haven’t been at my worst thankfully, i’ve had worse than this, but it’s been bad enough that i got signed off work for a little bit, only a week. my doctor wanted me to take longer off, but am trying to keep myself going as much as possible as i don’t want to end up back on medication, which was what the doctor suggested if i continued to get worse. because i can’t take antidepressants on their own i’d have to take a mood stabiliser and antipsychotic again too, and it was hell getting off them and i struggled to function working full time with a long commute and it would be doubly hard now with a baby to care for too. it took me a long time to ask for help because i was terrified if i did, they’d take my son from me. that’s my worst nightmare and i was angry at myself for not being magically cured now i have him, for feeling weak and shit. he always makes me happy, was the only thing that did really. but i’ve been feeling like some sort of toy, plugged in and can smile and talk then becoming unplugged into slackness and silence. so i’m trying my best. i do feel a bit better. i need to take a bit of a look at my life though and think about what i can reasonably cope with. it is so hard in london just trying not to go under. the state of the world generally has been getting me down too and i haven’t felt like writing. what is there to say anymore that hasn’t been said already? the world is a terrifying shitshow full of unimaginable suffering which is going to become worse and worse. there’s my hot take. i’ll be back though, just wanted to say hi and explain why i’ve been quite quiet over the last few months. oisín is still lovely, though. here he is on halloween (he was a punk zombie bit in truth he was just himself with some hairspray and a bit of facepaint). and more for avid seaneen baby followers… share this:twittertumblrredditfacebooklike this:like loading... filed under: mental health | 9 comments » bbc ouch podcast-me and mark brown talk mental health  posted on october 14, 2016 by mentally interesting hello! ​i was on the bbc ouch podcast this morning with mark brown talking about celebrities coming out with their mental health, disclosure, the changing nature of celebrity, social media, sexism, zayn malik, mentalism and tea. and i also talk a bit about this blog (which is now so old it’s in its last year of primary school) listen to us here: http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p04c13bz share this:twittertumblrredditfacebooklike this:like loading... filed under: mental health | leave a comment » next page » become a fan on facebook become a fan on facebook email subscription enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email. join 12,041 other followers creative commons copyright this work is licensed under a creative commons attribution-noncommercial-no derivative works 2.0 uk: england & wales license. . copyright seaneen molloy 2007-2012 archives in chronological order may 2017 m t w t f s s « apr 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 create a free website or blog at wordpress.com. wp designer. the secret life of a manic depressive blog at wordpress.com. post to cancel %d bloggers like this:


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