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motherhood stories
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love, always
just another tuesday morning
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if kids ran the world (scholastic)
coding classes in singapore: tink tank
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chatting with strangers https://www.ted.com/talks/kio_stark_why_you_should_talk_to_strangers
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the bottomsup blog | singapore motherhood stories motherhood dreams jan 24 2017 weekend thoughts published by evelyn under life i spent the weekend reading stories and looking at pictures from the women’s march, including this one from a girlfriend who lives in new york. there weren’t any options for us here in sg, of course, unless you count a condominium gathering for democrats to write letters. as always, i felt envious and frustrated–i was telling alf that the closest i’ve come to advocacy this year is drafting a letter on behalf of a group of parents to enquire about the fate of a co-curricular activity. he didn’t feel similarly troubled, but he did say it speaks volumes about our primary concerns. i’m also reminded again of what my girlfriend stephii wrote so many years ago: i want my child to grow up with a healthier understanding and experience of democracy than i have. i want him to experience a singapore where it is not accepted as ‘normal’ for members of parliament to hold on to their positions for years – even decades – without having ever been voted in; where ‘live’ debates between politicians of different parties over pertinent policy issues are a regular feature; where civil liberties such as freedom of assembly and expression and the right to information are not treated as ‘luxuries’ but recognized as the fundamental rights of mature citizens. i want him to be able to experience the dynamism of an egalitarian society at its best – one where persons fight fearlessly to protect the principles of truth and justice, yet never forget the beauty of mercy and gentleness. but most of all, i do not want my child, when he is 21 and no longer a child, but an adult about to vote himself, to ask me, perhaps with some measure of disappointment, maybe resentment, or possibly despair: ‘mom, why didn’t any of you do anything?’ no responses yet jan 18 2017 love, always published by evelyn under life i’m in clearance mode again: oh alright, purging is more of an obsession than a habit for me. this time, i hit the kill button on my blog’s instagram account. i’ve been meaning to do it since the start of the year–i didn’t log in for weeks and didn’t miss it, so it wasn’t a painful decision to make. i did start a new personal account to track my ig heroes, who for now are nicanorgarcia and local_milk. i’ve also been clearing out my archived links on fb and i found an ny times love story that i’d liked enough to save. i liked it because it was a case of two people being right for each other at a particular time in their lives, many years after they’d first met. i hope they stay happy forever. the groom in the story is also the frontman of indie band nada surf. i’m still exploring their albums but this was an instant pleaser. how do you stay where you most want to be? where’d you get the patience did it come easily? no responses yet jan 17 2017 just another tuesday morning published by evelyn under life the strangest thing happened to me the other night: i fell asleep listening to a political science lecture (that’s me trying to embrace the 5-hour rule) and i was briefly roused by my husband throwing a blanket over me. then i fell right back to sleep and dreamt we were moving out and having a huge fight over our different packing styles, which so inflamed me that i woke up ready to throw something at him. it’s fascinating to me that the dream felt so real, while i couldn’t be sure i hadn’t imagined the blanket incident. who needs augmented reality to mess with boundaries? anyway, the 5-hour rule is about taking five hours in a week (an hour a day) to learn, experiment, reflect, and grow. i’m not quite ready to plunge into a book that will be emotionally or intellectually taxing, but i’ve been bringing light reads out with me, such as this late christmas present from alf, which i really like. it makes even the most casual things that warhol did seem intentional–for instance if he wore shades for photobooth snaps, it was to deny the audience intimacy. yet it quotes warhol as saying: if you want to know all about andy warhol, just look at the surface of my paintings and films and me, and there i am. there’s nothing behind it. there were other familiar names in the book, like the velvet underground and roland barthes, whom i had to read back in grad school. apparently barthes said that a great photo includes detail that seems out of place, an “accident” which “pricks” but also “bruises.” this quote was introduced in relation to warhol’s marilyn portraits, the focus being her act of gritting her teeth, which i’d never noticed before. it also cited an art critic saying that the marilyn portraits revealed “what is truly human and pathetic in one of the exemplary myths of our time.” since this is the age where we’ve all gained some measure of fame, reading the book also led me to think about the way we portray ourselves to the world, or at least, to our social media contacts. i do find myself interpreting what people post, which is why i delete my own so quickly! i’m guilty of over-sharing, but my saving grace is that i don’t take any of it seriously. i don’t believe social media posts deserve a long lifespan, often for me, a couple of hours, or even minutes is sufficient, just for me to get it out there. i like the idea that my facebook friends see different snippets from my life entirely by chance, and no one will ever get to compare notes because my timeline is almost empty. if i’ve left something there, it’s because i feel it hasn’t outgrown its usefulness. i read an article over the weekend that i found amusing, it’s about trump’s articulacy, or lack of it, and how it draws people to him: trump uses a pretty small working vocabulary. this doesn’t seem to be a conscious strategy, though it works as well as if it had been. much was made during primary season of the way in which reading-level algorithms (unreliable though they are) found his speeches pitched at fourth-grade level, ie the comprehension of an average nine-year-old. it reminds me of my girlfriend’s observation that her dad has the online persona of a 13-year-old girl, complete with heart emojis. i don’t think i have a better working vocabulary either, to be honest! and when i’m sharing i keep it simple–i have just slightly over 100 friends on facebook and i’m not trying to impress anyone, there are enough people doing that, and doing it well. i think of it as first and second level; if a friend engages me in the comments, i’m more likely to think before i type. such interactions are meaningful to me, and i’ve had friends tell me they read the comments on my posts too, or that they recognise the main players in my life, which i think is sweet. see, it pays to use small words! p.s. the article also mentions malapropisms. those are the sneaky errors that every proofreader hates having to weed out. i’m glad that season of my life is over. no responses yet jan 15 2017 camp chartwell: an arts holiday programme for kids published by evelyn under reviews/sponsored we let layla take a break from everything during the nov/dec school holidays. no tuition, no classes, no gymnastics training. but she did spend three days in december at camp chartwell, an initiative run by young arts enthusiasts to bring the arts to kids. layla hasn’t had much exposure to the arts. we’re not theatre fans, we seldom visit museums now that they’re not within walking distance, and we no longer make music, only spotify playlists. sure, layla’s a school gymnast but to me, rhythmic gymnastics is more about discipline than art, because every move is tied to a precise scoring system with deductions for the slightest infraction. even if there were room for self-expression, i’m not sure my daughter would know what to do with it, as she finds it hard to… let go. i’m sure i did at her age, and having been up on stage as an adult, it’s not easy to do it in front of a crowd. i wouldn’t say i did it well. when i received the invitation from camp chartwell, i gave it some thought before accepting, especially because the holidays were coming to an end. i’ve had my parenting blog up for a decade and i’ve never jumped at invites. now, with limited time on our hands, if i accept a review opportunity it’s because i hope it’ll contribute to the personal growth of my children. so yes, i thought layla would benefit from being at a camp that provided a safe space for self-discovery. i also liked the idea of her exploring performance arts. i don’t think she’s interested in drama yet, but i’ve always wondered if she might fancy modern dance. however, i must say that the biggest draw, for me, was that students were helming the camp, from conceptualisation to execution. when children can see that the young people around them are able to bring meaningful projects to fruition, the message is clear that they can do it too. continue reading » no responses yet jan 12 2017 park school published by evelyn under life i secretly dread watching my son climb play structures. layla was very surefooted from a young age, but we’ve always thought of z as a bit of a klutz. blame it on his mother. in new zealand we stopped by several playgrounds, and we saw kids younger than z making it all the way to the top of spiderweb structures like this one, with parents nowhere to be seen. my sister-in-law tells me kids in casts are a common sight too. not having spent much time at playgrounds growing up, i’m not of much help at these things. but i’ve noticed alf giving z good pointers–guiding him up and down, showing him how to make decisions about his next move. today it was just me though. the hands-off version of me–two days ago at forest school, i met a mom who was letting her three year old take some risks, and she said to me, “i’m fine with anything. as long as he doesn’t die.” so z did get stuck and i did the best thing i could: i averted my eyes and said with the most confidence i could muster, “you can do it, just hold on and look for a place to put your feet.” which he did, and he was pretty happy about it. oh, and forest school? i enjoyed the hike into the woods; the highlight was a stream for kids to play in. z wasn’t too crazy about getting wet like some of the other kids were, but he had good rapport with the assistant coach, a young psychology student. it’s at a location where we would likely cab both ways, so it’s not the most convenient, and if i can replicate the learning opportunities at our nearby park that would suit us too. i think z learned a fair bit in our morning at the park today–how to knock pinecones out of trees, for one. no responses yet jan 10 2017 the love update published by evelyn under life i haven’t shared a behind-the-scenes story in a while, so here’s one. but first i’d like to reiterate that my husband and i are grateful for everything we have, including each other, and we’re always optimistic about the future. we’re happy people. but if anyone thinks our story is a cut-and-dried case of “things were rocky and now it’s back on track to happily ever after,” they’re sorely mistaken. i believe no relationship is ever that straightforward and work is required at every stage, whether it’s towards maintaining cohesion or ensuring a peaceful dissolution. continue reading » 2 responses so far jan 08 2017 my year so far published by evelyn under life this time last year i was watching terminator and aliens repeatedly as well as cyber-stalking my childhood hero michael biehn until my work kicked in mid-month. i still swear by both movies but i definitely overdid it–i should’ve capped it at a single viewing. no such luck this year, which is good news. there’s regularity and rhythm to work now, with the longer-term projects that i secured last year. i got back from new zealand with just a few days of ’16 to spare, submitted a story the very next day, and the work mails started trickling in. netflix will have to wait. i didn’t get as much reflection time in nz as i’d hoped. much of it was connection time, which i’m grateful for. but my goals for ’17 are intention and direction; there’s nothing i regret about my life and most of my accidental encounters and opportunities have turned out to be blessings, but now that i’m hitting another milestone age (4-0), i want to integrate planning and hard work into something that i can be proud of. the first steps for me are being intentional about the work i take on as a freelancer and moving away from the “i’m just lucky to have work” mentality that plagues many freelancer moms–i have already rejected projects that i want to move away from because they didn’t present any growth or learning opportunities, and there was no pull factor in terms of pay either. i’ve also been more conscious about time spent on work–i’ve made some guidelines for myself, such as a $200 job should take no more than four hours to complete, but my target is two. i bought myself a new-old model macbook and that helps too–my old one was eight years old and most of the apps were no longer supported. clearing caches, waiting out loading lags, and running optimisation programmes were daily affairs that i don’t have to deal with anymore. that’s not to say that i’m not open to new experiences and surprises in ’17. i am! z’s school plans didn’t work out as hoped, yet, but we’ll be checking out forest school next week. ron and i are attending a brand storytelling workshop together in february; i’m hoping it’ll flip a switch and help me connect the dots and plot a better path ahead. there’s also that 80,000-strong sweaty sing-along party that i’m looking forward to, which happens at end-feb. i’ve got my girlfriend crew and we’re ready to roll. alf is reminding me to plan my first-ever solo trip, targeted for june. i’ve brought some nz habits home with me, like saying hello to fellow park walkers and thanking bus drivers, and being more open to chatting with strangers. i still need to tweak some habits, but all in i’d say it’s been a promising start. no responses yet nov 22 2016 school holiday coding workshops: tink tank published by evelyn under reviews/sponsored layla attended a workshop with coding school tink tank in may this year–i was able to sit in and observe the class for over two hours, and i was impressed with the trainers and the way they displayed understanding and sensitivity when interacting with kids. (read my review here.) so i’m happy to let you know that they’re once again running workshops for the holidays. the november workshops are over, but december dates are still available. continue reading » no responses yet jul 28 2016 if kids ran the world (scholastic) published by evelyn under books these days, i wake up every morning to yet another horror story about some grown-up or other trying to ruin the world, so yes, i wish we could hand the reins over to the kids. and i’m sure that’s exactly what they would do. note the racial diversity in the opening pages of “if kids ran the world” by leo and diane dillon; it’s a running theme throughout the book. we’re a biracial family–in fact our extended family is a rainbow by now, so integration is built into our network and it’s not something i think about much anymore. but i’m reminded of an article i read, claiming that kids “who make friends with kids of other races tend to be more socially well-adjusted, more academically ambitious and better at interacting with people who are different from them.” i’m not sure about the first two outcomes; as for the third, i’ve always made friends across racial lines, even as a kid, and i don’t think it’s because i’m better at navigating differences. differences are interesting, but ultimately i search for commonalities such as similar tastes or values, and i truly believe that as people, we’re much more alike than we think. in this idealised world, children do tangible things to fix our brokenness, and if you look closely, you’ll see that every child on every page is smiling. we can all be the bearers of joy for someone else, but first, we must find it in ourselves. there’s another valuable message in the book, and it’s this: [the] most important thing in the world isn’t money, or being king or queen, or pushing other people around. it’s love: giving it, sharing it, showing it. the book closes with a note for kids, giving them ideas for making a difference–apart from volunteerism, it addresses attitudes such as acceptance (“not saying hurtful things about our differences”) and inclusiveness (“in our playground, everybody is included, and everybody gets a turn”). the note acknowledges that our world’s problems are staggering, yet there is always hope. this is what we want our children to believe, especially in these times. but even the smallest things we do make a difference. as the old saying goes, “how do you eat an elephant?” the answer: “one bite at a time.” see more of the book and download free material on scholastic’s story corner page. no responses yet may 09 2016 coding classes in singapore: tink tank published by evelyn under reviews/sponsored a science educator that i’ve been following said last year that all children should learn to code, because one day, it’ll be as important as english. (update: she may have said “mother tongue” instead, but my friends don’t call me the embellisher for nothing!) that got my attention, and i started to realise that yes, there was indeed a buzz around coding. but how relevant is it unless you’re planning for a career in computer science? and then, quite coincidentally, a school called tink tank contacted me inviting layla to attend an introductory coding workshop. it was a full-day session, very well planned (for our review purposes) as parents were allowed to sit in halfway to observe the class, and even participate in a board game that would ease us into understanding coding language. the trainers also gave a mini-presentation where they showed us the video above (a must-watch!), and talked about why they set up their school–to show kids that they’re not limited to consuming technology, but that they’re able to be technology creators themselves, inventing solutions for real-life problems. continue reading » no responses yet next » about i'm evelyn, and i run this blog. in 1999, i met my husband alf in a classroom that neither of us belonged in, and grabbed his attention by nearly falling over a table. he didn't come to my rescue but we did exchange numbers eventually. we now have two kids, layla and z, and our lives are the better for it. that's the short version of our story! contact mail facebook categories books celebrations crafts life reviews/sponsored tips my love guru diana my buddies ron pat my breakfast club june pam life inspiration brain pickings cakies clashboomband local milk mono+co mum in the making roo+red search for: the bottomsup blog | singapore copyright © 2017 all rights reserved. designed by designs not dead


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