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so once again we have survived. home about the author the archives april fool’s all tags categorizations aicn blog post (short for weblog) bruce news reviews action cartoons and shit comedy/laffs comic strips/super heroes crime documentary drama family fantasy/swords horror i don’t know martial arts monster music musical mystery romance science fiction and space shit sport thriller videogame war western seagal site news die hard links outlaw music poems vern tells it like it is badass cinema the badass 100 outlaw awards 1999 outlaw awards 2000 forum reviews alphabetical years dtv slashers christmas timeline icons arnold schwarzenegger bruce willis clint eastwood dolph lundgren jean-claude van damme nicolas cage steven seagal steven spielberg sylvester stallone wesley snipes suggestions search the shallows with the inauguration about to happen i think alot of us kinda feel like we’re all alone, torn open, bleeding and floating on a dead whale, unable to get to shore because a shark the size of a fuckin bus wants to eat us and will not leave us be. so i thought you know what, what if there was a movie about somebody else in that situation, maybe if it had a positive outcome it would be a good inspirational tool for all of us as citizens of the united states and the world who hope to somehow survive the coming shit show of dangerous ignorance and blatant, barely-even-trying-to-fuckin-hide-it-at-all corruption. the title the shallows is not about the new management, it’s just referring to an area of not-that-deep water that is the setting for a pleasingly simple 80-minute romp from jaume collet-serra, director of house of wax, goal ii, orphan and three liam neeson vehicles (unknown, non-stop and run all night). liam must’ve been busy doing silence or something, so collet-serra went off and made this adaptation of blake lively’s one woman off broadway show about a surfer trapped on a rock after a shark attack. i lied. it is not based on a one woman show. but it is almost entirely balanced on lively’s shoulders. she plays nancy, who is always on screen and usually alone. supporting characters who she’d also play in the stage version are: 1. little boy seen on beach in prologue 2. guy who gives her ride to beach 3. her friend who was supposed to be with her, portrayed through text messages (read the rest of this shit…) january 19th, 2017 | 12 comments » fist 2 fist writer/director/actor/martial artist jino kang’s first film blade warrior had a bit of an el mariachi passionate-no-budget-debut energy to it. it was shot over a few years and bridged the independent film world’s switch from film to digital. (i like the grainy film look better, but of course we’re not gonna see much of that anymore.) his second film fist 2 fist (the distributor changed it from his preferred title hand 2 hand, which was meant to have a double meaning) was released a decade later, in 2011. it looks a little more slick and professional and normal, but he still feels like an underdog filmmaker, and with age he’s become an even more interesting leading man. there’s little flash or ego to kang’s persona playing ken, a former criminal turned martial arts instructor for at risk youth. he’s the serious, responsible, grownup badass, the positive role model of asskicking. (read the rest of this shit…) january 18th, 2017 | 1 comment » monster trucks monster trucks is literally about monster trucks. this is a movie about an oil company drilling through a pocket of water deep beneath the earth, accidentally releasing a huge, squid-like creature who crawls into a junkyard and hides inside the chassis of a teen’s crappy pickup truck. soon the teen discovers that the creature can wrap its tentacles around the axels and spin them, basically acting as its engine. also it eats oil and it can not only drive and steer the truck but jump and bounce and climb up walls and shit. so this teen, tripp (lucas till, aka havok in x-men and tv’s new macgyver), names the monster “creech” and drives around in him like extreme e.t. but he has to hide him from a private security team led by cruel burke (holt mccallany, creepshow 2, tyson, bullet to the head, blackhat, jack reacher: never go back) and, like free willy or the t-800 or somebody, get him back home. he does it with the help of his squeaky-voiced biology tutor meredith (i had no idea that was jane levy, star of evil dead and don’t breathe) and a conscience-stricken scientist from the oil company (thomas lennon, herbie fully loaded). (read the rest of this shit…) january 17th, 2017 | 16 comments » get on the bus well, i’m skipping ahead in the spike lee chronology i’ve been ever-so-slowly crawling my way through, but i thought a movie about a march on washington would be a good thing to revisit on the martin luther king day starting the week that, as far as we know, will end with the inauguration of the first american president to be 2 degrees of separation from steven seagal (they have a mutual friend, a russian guy named vladimir something) and subsequent protest march. get on the bus is a road trip movie, but it could almost be a play, because the vast majority of it is about conversations taking place inside a charter bus. around fifteen african american men, most of them meeting for the first time, are headed from a church parking lot in south central los angeles to the million man march in washington dc. if you’re too young to remember, that was the october 16, 1995 gathering of black men organized by nation of islam leader louis farrakhan. (read the rest of this shit…) january 16th, 2017 | 13 comments » late phases a.k.a. late phases: night of the lone wolf i know this has been said before, but late phases is kinda like gran torino with werewolves. by that i don’t mean there’s an old guy who’s racist against werewolves but befriends a young werewolf neighbor, although that would also be cool. what i mean is he’s a grouchy old war vet who is not so happy where age is leading him, has trouble getting along with his kid and is cynical about everything and gets to know the local pastor even though he doesn’t like religion. with werewolves. he’s a ‘nam vet instead of korea, and he came back blind. his name is ambrose mckinley, and he’s played by my new favorite actor nick damici (mulberry street, stake land i & ii, we are what we are, cold in july), looking kind of like fred ward and talking kind of like deniro. his son (ethan embry, cheap thrills) and more patient daughter-in-law (erin cummings, bitch slap) help move him into a duplex in the retirement community of crescent bay. that very night a fuckin werewolf busts in and mauls his next door neighbor (karen lynn gorney, saturday night fever) and his guide dog shadow. the police just tell him it’s from living near the woods, wild animals kill people all the time, be sure to keep your doors locked. “thanks for the peace of mind,” he deadpans. (read the rest of this shit…) january 13th, 2017 | 16 comments » full eclipse for those of us disappointed that moonlight, although very good, was not about werewolves, here is a pretty okay wolfman movie to dig up. (you know, like a dog would dig up a bone or something.) it stars mario van peebles, it’s directed by anthony hickox right after warlock: the armageddon, and it’s written by richard christian matheson (three o’clock high) & michael reaves (super friends). i like that it combines werewolves with a straight up cop movie. it’s hard to classify as horror exactly, because the lycanthropy is treated more like super powers than monsters. in fact, they have wolverine style claws and magneto type helmets. but they are werewolves in a legit action movie complete with cliches about cops and their partners and one of them saying “i’m too old for this” and everything. even better, this came out the year america stole john woo, and the style seems pretty influenced by him. lots of leaping through the air to fire guns, slow motion, intense, lingering closeups. for the opening set piece hickox revisits his hellraiser iii: hell on earth idea of terror in a dance club full of big spooky body part sculptures, but with bullets and debris and people flying everywhere, usually with lapd detective max dire (van peebles) dropping from above or jumping in the air or laying on the floor while shooting two guns. (read the rest of this shit…) january 12th, 2017 | 13 comments » moonlight i seem to remember hearing somebody say that criticism was dead, but moonlight is a real good movie i definitely wouldn’t have gotten around to seeing if critics weren’t doing flips over it. it’s an indie movie about growing up gay, black and poor around drug dealers in liberty city, florida, but it’s not the bummer that might sound like. i think that’s important to say right now: the people talking about crying during this, i’m not 100% sure which part they’re talking about, but it’s not some brokeback mountain type tragedy movie. unless this is like clue and they released it with different endings. but as far as i know they didn’t do that. the structure is basically three vignettes or chapters about this character chiron as a young kid (alex hibbert), a high school kid (ashton sanders, “kid,” straight outta compton) and a grown man (trevante rhodes, open windows). during these times he struggles with his masculinity, trying to understand his attraction to men in a community that considers that soft and highly values the perception of toughness. his friend kevin jumps him on the field supposedly to prove to the others that he’s capable of fighting back. they wrestle on the field, an indistinct mix of physical struggle and boys touching each other. i’m not sure either of them knows which it is. (read the rest of this shit…) january 11th, 2017 | 3 comments » hidden figures hidden figures is an obvious, inoffensive, feel-good-movie with a noble purpose we haven’t seen before: honoring three african-american women whose mathematical genius helped nasa put people into space. even today, women in scientific and mathematical fields are not given their just due. but these three were helping win the space race when they weren’t even allowed to use the same drinking fountain as their co-workers. i don’t know if in real life these three drove to work together, but they did work together, and from what i’ve read the movie sounds fairly accurate. katherine goble (taraji p. henson, smokin’ aces) and mary jackson (janelle monae, moonlight) work as “colored computers” in a segregated department run by dorothy vaughan (octavia spencer, halloween ii). this is back when nasa was about to get their first giant room-filling ibm, so “computer” actually means a human being who calculates math. i never knew that. if a computer played chess was it called a video game? then katherine gets an incredible assignment: working in the office calculating the trajectories and entry points for the first american manned space flights. okay, i don’t know exactly what that means, to be honest, but it involves filling up chalkboards with a bunch of numbers and letters and lines and shit. actually, it mostly involves this prick paul stafford (jim parsons from the fucking big bang theory show) giving her snobby, suspicious looks and tossing giant piles of paper on her desk to go over the calculations that have already been gone over. and with a bunch of shit crossed out because he thinks it’s dangerous for her to know too much. (read the rest of this shit…) january 10th, 2017 | 5 comments » alien nation a premise like alien nation’s is as rare a mineral as unobtainium. it alchemically melds two seemingly unmixable genres (’80s cop thriller and sci-fi alien movie) in a way that organically lends itself to social commentary within pop entertainment. i wouldn’t say alien nation succeeds wildly in those goals, but it gets the job done and just the conception of it is so beautiful it can get away with coasting. at its heart it’s a standard-issue interracial buddy cop movie. like dirty harry and a million other movie cops, detective matthew sykes (james caan)’s partner dies, and he tries to solve the case with a new partner who happens to be from a different culture, and has a very different personality and approach to law enforcement. like tyne daly in the enforcer, detective francisco (mandy patinkin, dick tracy) is part of an advancement program to promote diversity, and is receiving rejection and resentment from the usual self-centered-backwards-afraid-of-change-knuckledragging-anti-progress assholes. sykes isn’t any more enlightened than his bros, but he knows francisco is on a case that might be related to the guys who killed his partner. so sykes says culturally insensitive things, insults his partner, makes a fool of himself, but starts to learn, they get to know each other, they bond with each other, he changes his perspective, starts to stand up against racism from the other cops, all while they go after the killers. but francisco is different from other cops who are different, because he’s not just a different race or gender from sykes, he’s from a different planet. he’s a newcomer, an alien. three years ago they arrived in “an intergalactic slave ship,” but they’re genetically engineered to be highly intelligent and adaptable, so they’ve already integrated into human society much more than the ones in district 9 did. they have large, bald heads with distinctive spots on their skin, but they’re humanoid so they just wear suits and ties and sunglasses and shit like anybody else, and they take on human names and jobs and try to fit in like any immigrant in america. (read the rest of this shit…) january 9th, 2017 | 16 comments » new article i wrote a new piece, the state of action filmmaking, 2017, sort of a 2016 in review. i thought it was for the village voice actually but it has surfaced on the l.a. weekly. so check it out. i am proud to get a big picture of michael jai white in the l.a. weekly, i don’t know how often that happens. the article is here january 7th, 2017 | 33 comments » « older entries hey bud, thanks for reading. don't feel obligated, but there are ways you can support the shit out of vern & outlawvern.com if that's your thing: 1. patreon (a crowdfunding type deal where you toss me a few bucks monthly to help me take time off from the day job to write more of this good shit.) 2. buy my books from your local bookseller or somebody amazon.com widgets click here for my amazon author page (i get residuals and/or the respect of my publisher, you get to have your life changed forever by the power of my words) extra credit: review them on amazon! that would really help me out. unless you didn't like them, in which case forget i said anything. 3. straight up give me some money donation amount: (currency: usd) donation: every do not repeatmonth(s) for times ("0" means no end date) put my donation on the recognition wall show on wall: do not show any information amount, user details & comments user details & comments only name: email: website: comments: write your comment within 199 characters. (i still have this paypal donation thing you can use if you hate the name patreon or something) 4. if you ever shop at amazon use any of my links (you pay the same amount you were gonna pay anyway but amazon sends a little slice of it my way) i also have an amazon uk one: amazon.co.uk widgets (i can't get the search box widget to work anymore, so click on moonwalker and then search for what you want. or buy moonwalker.) 5. my exciting line of fashion and leisure products (i get a couple bucks per item, you get a cool t-shirt, mug or lifestyle item) 6. spread the word tell your friends about my reviews and my books and everything. only cool people though please, we don't need a bunch of suckers around here. thanks everybody. your friend, vern * * * * vern’s “i recommend the shit out of this product” corner: recent commentary and jibber-jabbercj holden on shaft (2000) just rewatched this after a short discussion about it, after the news that there will be a tim story directed…maggiemaypie on the shallows cj - whales are terrifying! it's their sheer size and that they're frickin' prehistoric. it would be like…jeff g on the shallows i had fun with this movie, but i am a sucker for any shark movies. the shark, i thought, was…cj holden on the shallows noted. from now on i won't even go near the ocean without corks of different sizes. remember…george sanderson on the shallows i've had some up close experiences with orca and they are way scarier than sharks. i'm cool with other whales…shoot mckay on the shallows cj- you just put a cork on that blowhole and watch the whale mplodecj holden on the shallows i'm actually more scared of whales than of sharks. don't know why. i think it's their size and the freaky…george sanderson on the shallows i love sharks. surfed with them as a kid, got one tattooed on my back, dress my eldest daughter up…karlos on robocop trilogy you guys are right - he was hilarious when he got the chance to be, and boy, was he superb…cj holden on robocop trilogy no disagreement here. he got lots of laughs over the years from simply saying something shitty on screen, but when…shoot mckay on robocop trilogy i don´t think his comic talent was untapped. the roles i remember him from were funny. the straightfaced asshole…cj holden on robocop trilogy he was one of the greatest on-screen assholes in movie and tv history (without having done a full research, i…karlos on xxx: the return of xander cage trailer 2 hope you dig it, shoot!karlos on robocop trilogy today of all days i wake up to this. shit. welcome to 2017 aka 2016: the return.cj holden on get on the bus *voice heard tweets by @outlawvern year round halloween business amazon.com widgets recent commented on postsshaft (2000)the shallowsrobocop trilogyxxx: the return of xander cage trailer 2get on the busburn the witch (blair witch part ii)monster trucksfist 2 fistlone wolf and cub: baby cart to hadesdeath race 2000beat it, 2016sorority house massacre iilate phaseshidden figurestitus4-star movies in vern’s opinion amazon.com widgets most comments vern tells it like it is: pretty please vote for clinton - 388 commentshalloween tidings / horror movie recommendations - 137 commentsrogue one - 107 commentsbeat it, 2016 - 93 commentsthe thing (1982) - 52 commentsjack reacher: never go back - 47 commentschild's play 3 - 47 commentsarrival - 46 commentsthe magnificent seven (2016 remake) - 42 commentsvampires - 42 comments recent forum postsforum: miscellaneous topic: how to take help in assignment writing service by: madeleine alexander - 2 months ago forum: the shows of television topic: stranger things by: neal2zod - 2 months ago forum: miscellaneous topic: new user here by: kingsleytailors - 2 months ago forum: miscellaneous topic: sport streaming & watch sport events live. your advices and opinions by: moon - 3 months ago forum: the films of cinema topic: peter sellars in groundhog day. fritz lang's 2001: a space odessey: great films, as they never were. by: moon - 3 months ago amazon.com widgets amazon.co.uk widgets (use this one if you order from amazon uk) vern's benefactorsjan 17, 2017 at 9:31 am exhaust fan said:all the best!jan 17, 2017 at 7:51 am mr. reviews said:great to share!jan 17, 2017 at 7:49 am best wordpress themes 2017 said:nice to help!jan 11, 2017 at 11:49 am subway game ($0.10 usd) said:thank you very much.jan 9, 2017 at 12:07 pm cole review said:very nice site reviews, all my cheers .jan 8, 2017 at 6:29 am john e. murray said:thanks for a great website!jan 8, 2017 at 6:27 am chainsawjudge said:that is great to helpdec 30, 2016 at 5:06 pm best air fryer ($0.02 usd) said:just my 0.02dec 30, 2016 at 8:08 am electric fireplace entertainment center said:that is great to check!dec 30, 2016 at 8:06 am best memory foam mattress topper said:it is nice!meta register log in entries rss comments rss wordpress.org recommend on google badass studies badass cinema the badass 100 outlaw awards 1999 outlaw awards 2000 reviews index alphabetical by release year timeline topics by year dtv slashers icons arnold schwarzenegger bruce willis clint eastwood dolph lundgren jean-claude van damme nicolas cage steven seagal steven spielberg sylvester stallone wesley snipes topics of noteadventure arnold schwarzenegger australian cinema blaxploitation bruce cannon films christian bale christmas clint clint eastwood danny trejo dolph lundgren dtv dtv sequels george lucas ghosts hip hop isaac florentine jason statham jcvd lance henriksen lucas minus star wars marvel comics mel gibson michael jai white nic cage ninjas post-apocalypse remakes revenge robots samuel l. jackson samurai scott adkins seagalogy slashers slasher search steven spielberg sylvester stallone the rock tom cruise vampires vigilantes wesley snipes zombies literature elmore leonard official websight hard case crime the violent world of parker titan books the films of cinema billy jack cannon films archive direct to video connoisseur dolph ultimate kiai-kick! 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