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11:23:00 http://www.madmumof7.com/2017/02/why-dont-i-live-by-beach.html
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10:58:00 http://www.madmumof7.com/2017/02/you-have-no-idea-when-people-doubt-your.html
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09:19:00 http://www.madmumof7.com/2017/02/living-dying.html
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pages home contact madmumof7 all about the family work with me reviews disclosure policy my youtube channel sponsor me for britmums live 2015 thursday, 23 february 2017 why don't i live near the sea? i love the beach. i love the sea. and although my dream would be to live somewhere warm with water you can swim in and sand you can lie on without thermal underwear, i even love the british coast. as you will see, my photography has a strong coastal theme too! so why don't i live there? even as a teenager as soon as i got my driving licence i used to head down the m5 towards the west country for my seaside hit. i love watching the water on calm days and stormy days make me want to park up my car bear the front and eat hot vinegar-laced chips watching waves crash onto the beach through a steamy windscreen. my son and his partner live in southsea, portsmouth and he admits they rarely head to the beach even though it's only about ten minutes walk away. maybe i would be the same if i actually lived there. my mum lives a similar distance from the coast in cyprus and when we visit we spend lots of time of our favourite beaches, swimming in the sea, snorkelling and enjoying spectacular ocean views. but even she admits, unless they have friends and family visiting they rarely spend the day on the beach acting like holidaymakers. i love that programme about people wanting to move to their favourite holiday destinations - today was costa rica and it almost made me want to move there it was so beautiful! almost everyone on the programme states they want to be in view of, or within walking distance of the beach. i'm too cowardly to up sticks and move i think. it took all of my courage to move to the home counties from the midlands when i got married. that was 25 years ago and we are still in the same house. it got very overcrowded for a while and we did think about moving but we managed and we are still here with more and more space as our birds fly the nest. we talk about moving to cyprus when all of the children have left but i wonder if i could bear to leave them so far behind in the uk. it's more than four hours to fly and even modern face to face video communication can't make up for a real life hug. maybe if we moved to the seaside we would get bored with it very quickly? i live on the edge of a beautiful forest which is popular with tourists all week round but i confess we rarely go there ourselves now. it's nice to have as a backdrop to the village though. for now i will have to content myself with visiting my family who live near the sea. already planning which beaches we will visit for our 25th wedding anniversary trip to cyprus in may. all i need to do now is to work on my post-winter flab so i don't scare the other holidaymakers! posted by afra willmore at 11:23:00 1 comment: email thisblogthis!share to twittershare to facebookshare to pinterest links to this post wednesday, 22 february 2017 you have no idea. when people doubt your child's #asd diagnosis my son is bright, chatty and makes eye contact. this does not alter the fact that he has autism. sadly though i feel like i constantly need to "prove" his diagnosis to well-meaning folks who think everyone with autism is like raymond from the '80's movie rain man. i have been told i should "make" him do things. i have been advised i should just get him to "pull himself together." i have seen the looks as i try to deal with episodes of distress in the playground and just know some of these parents watching are thinking i am failing to end a tantrum. i am lucky in that i have a few close friends who, even if they don't believe the diagnosis (i'm not sure they all do) they at least try to be supportive. but there are many more who don't. i've had people point out occasions where they've noted him being "all right." when he has talked to them "normally" or they've seen him playing. they do not see the endless effort it takes for those brief times of peace, the preparation both verbal and in practical terms. i carry round what i used to call a "baby bag" stuffed with bits and pieces in the name of "just in case." food, toys, ear defenders, and other tools we are learning to use to make his life easier. therein lies the problem i think. observers think we are all about making his life easier. i should change that word to bearable maybe. without his ear defenders, his giant hat with ear flaps, his toys and gadgets which help him shut out the overstimulation of our world, the comfort items which ground him and reassure him, he would be lost in a scary, noisy, smelly uncomfortably bright hell. it would be like turning up your tv and your stereo in your bedroom up to full volume, leaving the lights on and a box of long-dead sardines under your bed and expecting you to sleep peacefully. my son can often pass as neurotypical to those who don't recognise his stimming, his expressions, his body language as borderline panic mode. those people who don't realise that one tiny little thing can turn that smiling boy into a screaming ball of anxiety in the foetal position. i know my boy. i can largely predict what will make him anxious, angry or distressed and yes, i do everything i can to help him deal with those emotions. i am acutely aware of small changes in his demeanour which warn of a meltdown or a withdrawal. my life has been taken over by a need to protect him and to help him live the best life he can. this is not a pity party. i seriously would not change a thing about him. just like my other children he has an amazing personality, sense of humour, impressive intelligence a unique view of the world and oceans of love to give. i'm just pointing out, like any parent would, that no-one knows my child like i do. suggestions on parenting techniques from people who don't understand are neither helpful or welcome. indeed so called experts and even those who have children with similar conditions don't always have the right answers for his issues either. thankfully most parents of what are often know as send children (special educational needs and disabilities) and those who work in that speciality are at least aware of this and when they offer suggestions they generally have some experience behind those ideas. sometimes the ideas work, sometimes they don't. at least the ideas are offered with an acceptance of asd in mind. i get it. it's like many other situations. if you haven't experienced it, or something similar yourself it's very hard to understand. living with my son has made me open my mind. i feel ashamed of judgements i have made in the past about children i've seen screaming in the supermarket, behaving badly at soft play, glued to a tablet or phone in a restaurant. it might be down to lazy/bad parenting but equally it might be down to another issue. the child might look "normal" but not all disabilities are visible obviously. which is why i would never have a go at the well meaning folk who seem to doubt my son's diagnosis, who point out aspects of his behaviour as proof he is "normal". it can be frustrating but i am going to try to just think to myself: "think yourselves lucky -you have no idea." posted by afra willmore at 10:58:00 2 comments: email thisblogthis!share to twittershare to facebookshare to pinterest links to this post living & dying. people keep dying. well, of course they do- that's the circle of life (try saying that without singing it in your head a la lion king). but what i mean is, in my life, people seem to be dying more frequently than usual. no-one very close to me but close enough that it has made me think carefully about the way i live my own life. to be fair i have always had a bit of a f$&*k it! mentality. part of the reason i'm not rich. you've probably heard the biblical quote: " eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow we die." i water that down to "eat the cake, drink the prosecco, laugh like a witch at inappropriate cat memes for tomorrow we may die." a friend who died recently had the best laugh and the biggest smile you can imagine. she was actually a very serious sort, very academic, very intellectual, very deep thinking. but i saw a glimmer of naughtiness which made me love her on short acquaintance. even though she was crap at making tea and never ever offered me a piece of cake. another woman who recently died was a friend of a friend but through the marvels of facebook and occasional meetings i felt i knew her. despite battling cancer she had a strong impressive aim to make every day count. she didn't achieve everything she planned to do before she finally succumbed to the bastard disease but she had a bloody good go at it. there are others. some who have lost their lives, others fighting to hold onto it. it makes me feel like hugging those i love close. life is so......fragile. so predictable as this post is i am going to come out and say it. live your life. don't just exist. don't make 5 year plans. don't assume you have time. let me clarify that. don't be destructive, selfish, irresponsible. don't blow the mortgage money on hot pants for your pet squirrel. don't enjoy your own life to the detriment of others. don't ignore basic rules of society. although if you are in fact a serial killer i doubt you will read this and change your lifestyle. in the words of muse, "don't waste time or time will waste you." be kind. be gentle with yourself. stop using your weight/education/big nose/straight hair/childhood as an excuse to not try stuff. mother theresa apparently said: “yesterday is gone. tomorrow has not yet come. we have only today. let us begin.” indeed. let us begin, let us start now as we mean to go on. pass the cake. posted by afra willmore at 09:19:00 3 comments: email thisblogthis!share to twittershare to facebookshare to pinterest links to this post older posts home subscribe to: posts (atom) who am i? afra willmore happily married for almost 25 years this uk-based christian mad mum of 7 is sharing the highs and lows of life parenting, feeding entertaining and travelling with a large family. (although three of them have left home now!) aiming to make you smile with an occasional lol. more than a mommy blogger -check out www.madmumof7.com regularly for anecdotes from all aspects of my life now and in the past interspersed with top tips, recipes and reviews of restaurants, days out, films and food to name a few. contributer at #post40bloggers & at new life outlook (health resource network) view my complete profile momof7-living it large loading... search this blog share away! rss! posts atom posts all comments atom all comments copyright madmumof7.com blogger chart tots100 i'm a member! teads lifestyle blog ranking i love blog camp parenting blog chart ranking uk chart ranking grab my badge!

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