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i once wanted to be a goth
behind the crew only door
caribbean must do’s and how to get a hickey in grand cayman
my simple packing tips for first-time cruisers
the fizz
weather challenge
hurricane season
blog from marseilles
blog from livorno
shouting gets you nowhere
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july 6, 2017 -
john heald
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john heald
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john heald
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« older entries
H4 hi, i’m john, and this is my blog. so please don’t mistake my opinions — or those of my dear friends, fans or commenters — for those of carnival cruise line or carnival corporation. my apologies in advance for anything i may say that upsets you, but this disclaimer covers carnival and puts the blame directly on me………….. bugger.
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the nice kids will get lots of candy
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i once wanted to be a goth https://johnhealdsblog.com/2017/07/06/i-once-wanted-to-be-a-goth/
carnival triumph https://www.carnival.com/cruise-ships/carnival-triumph.aspx?cid=icp_jh_ccl_06292017
halloween on a carnival ship https://www.carnival.com/funtastic-holiday-cruises/halloween-cruises.aspx?cid=icp_jh_ccl_06292017
carnival vista https://www.carnival.com/cruise-ships/carnival-vista.aspx?cid=icp_jh_ccl_06292017
carnival fantasy https://www.carnival.com/cruise-ships/carnival-fantasy.aspx?cid=icp_jh_ccl_06292017
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three and four-day baja cruises from long beach https://www.carnival.com/#?datfrom=102017&dest=m&layout=grid&numadults=2&pagenumber=1&pagesize=8&port=lax&shipcode=im&showbest=true&sort=fromprice&usesuggestions=true&cid=icp_jh_ccl_06292017
facebook.com/johnheald https://www.facebook.com/johnheald/
behind the crew only door https://johnhealdsblog.com/2017/06/12/behind-the-crew-only-door/
(more…) https://johnhealdsblog.com/2017/06/12/behind-the-crew-only-door/#more-22190
caribbean must do’s and how to get a hickey in grand cayman https://johnhealdsblog.com/2017/05/30/caribbean-must-dos-and-how-to-get-a-hickey-in-grand-cayman/
caribbean https://www.carnival.com/cruise-to/caribbean-cruises.aspx
(more…) https://johnhealdsblog.com/2017/05/30/caribbean-must-dos-and-how-to-get-a-hickey-in-grand-cayman/#more-22164
my simple packing tips for first-time cruisers https://johnhealdsblog.com/2017/05/17/my-simple-packing-tips-for-first-time-cruisers/
(more…) https://johnhealdsblog.com/2017/05/17/my-simple-packing-tips-for-first-time-cruisers/#more-22180
the fizz https://johnhealdsblog.com/2017/05/03/the-fizz/
(more…) https://johnhealdsblog.com/2017/05/03/the-fizz/#more-22166
weather challenge https://johnhealdsblog.com/2016/06/09/weather-challenge/
(more…) https://johnhealdsblog.com/2016/06/09/weather-challenge/#more-22131
hurricane season https://johnhealdsblog.com/2016/06/08/hurricane-season/
(more…) https://johnhealdsblog.com/2016/06/08/hurricane-season/#more-22129
blog from marseilles https://johnhealdsblog.com/2016/06/06/blog-from-marseilles/
(more…) https://johnhealdsblog.com/2016/06/06/blog-from-marseilles/#more-22126
blog from livorno https://johnhealdsblog.com/2016/06/04/blog-from-livorno/
(more…) https://johnhealdsblog.com/2016/06/04/blog-from-livorno/#more-22124
shouting gets you nowhere https://johnhealdsblog.com/2016/05/31/shouting-gets-you-nowhere/
(more…) https://johnhealdsblog.com/2016/05/31/shouting-gets-you-nowhere/#more-22122
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hi, i’m john, and this is my blog. so please don’t mistake my opinions — or those of my dear friends, fans or commenters — for those of carnival cruise line or carnival corporation. my apologies in advance for anything i may say that upsets you, but this disclaimer covers carnival and puts the blame directly on me………….. bugger.

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home meet john sail with john john talk--> faq--> bloggers cruise--> disclaimer thingy ask john--> enter 19 million views and counting... i once wanted to be a goth july 6, 2017 - john heald 0 comments--> there was a time when i gave serious thought about becoming a goth. yep, there, i said it out loud. this 52-year-old chubby brand ambassador gave serious consideration to the dark side. i remember it well. i was walking through london with my mate alan when i was around 18 years old. it was late and back then i used to have a drink or two (the legal drinking age in the uk is 18) and i seem to remember that alan and i were both somewhat tipsy. floating gloomily towards us were a couple — he in full-length leather coat and chalk-white make-up and she resplendent in dyed black hair, purple velvet bodice, net skirt and thigh-high boots. alan made some comment about them and i remember making the sign of a cross with my fingers. of all the 1980s youth cults, goth has always struck me as the most interesting. i only know one goth personally. she used to be a back stage manager and worked with me on the carnival triumph. she was a wonderful person and a total professional…..yet……..she seriously believed that she was ……ummmmm…….dead…………and, when she would say that, i used to say, “bollocks you’re not really dead. here, have a pringle.” i, of course, grew up when vampires were played by christopher lee and peter cushing and not by some bradd cruise type with sweeping hair, a cape designed by versace and teeth that, even though they routinely bite into the necks of countless virgins, are always hollywood white. forget dracula with his ratty teeth today’s new breed of vampires are sexy. there is a time though when we all reach inside ourselves and draw forth the inner goth and that time is …………halloween. celebrating halloween on a carnival ship is seriously fun. on the cruises that cover october 31 you will find carnival puts a massive effort into our halloween festivities. each ship has decorations and skulls and scary spiders and enough candy to ensure every kid who sails will have a chance to get the biggest of sugar rushes.  so from the carnival vista to the carnival fantasy, here is what the ships will be planning for the 31st of october 2018. camp ocean trick or treat hunt adult costume party – we encourage everyone to dress up and enjoy the halloween carnival fun halloween dance party specific movies for halloween to be shown on the ships tvs including dive in movie big screens the ships will be decorated in selected lounges on board the photo department will have a special backdrop – along with photographers capturing some of the festivities casino – witching hour tournament food activities – pumpkin carving contest / halloween desserts and if you are lucky enough to be sailing on the carnival imagination in october, anytime in october, do i have brilliant news for you. from oct. 1-31, guests on the carnival imagination’s three and four-day baja cruises from long beach will enjoy a host of fun halloween-themed activities, everything from costume contests and dance parties to bone-chilling story time with s’mores and warm cider.   guests can also get creeped out at the halloween parade and enjoy pumpkin-carving demonstrations, arts and crafts classes, and classic horror movies on the big screen.   it all culminates, of course, with trick-or-treating for kids and adults alike along the promenade. carnival imagination will be in full “haunted ship” mode with an elaborate “spooky tree” in the atrium and team members decked out in the scariest of costumes while leading thriller dance classes and other frightfully fun activities. it’s a brilliant time to bring the entire family on a cruise to celebrate carnival’s halloween fun together. kids on board our ships will be doing trick or treating but it’s organised and structured. no knocking on cabin doors and no tricking allowed (actually that last part sounds boring). the nice kids will get lots of candy. but just in case there are some brats in the pack, i will be armed with chocolate for them……….chocolate laxatives. better not tell them halloween ghost stories after they have eaten that. halloween truly is a brilliant time to cruise carnival and don’t just take my word for it because here is what some people wrote on my facebook.com/johnheald page: abby nye lea: it’s one of the most fun times i’ve had on a cruise. we booked the cruise not even thinking about it being over halloween. the costumes were great and the decorations and costume contest was so funny. i highly recommend going on one! cindy sadler: for the past 3 years we have taken a halloween cruise, are booked on one for this year and next. best cruises ever. the costumes are amazing, the events are fun and for a small amount of time we all get to enjoy our youth again! shell flame murphy: this year will be our third halloween cruise! we’ve been planning costumes for months & love the decor & special desserts. its my favorite time to cruise lesa parker:  yes! my 3 year old won her age category for a rapunzel costume and my 15 year old son won the adult costume contest dressed as dr. frank -n-furter from rocky horror. he had a great time and we still talk about this cruise 11 years later brenda barberee:  yes, great cruise. lots of fun & interesting costumes. it was great seeing guests & crew dressed up & all the fun events. my kids had the best time ever and it’s all they talk about so we are doing it again in 2018 so, there you go. halloween truly is a brilliant time to cruise and i hope we see you and your family for some halloween fun on carnival this october. cheers behind the crew only door june 12, 2017 - john heald 0 comments--> here i am once again bringing you a look behind the crew only door on this blog. a lot of people ask me what it is like to work on board a ship and, after almost 30 years of doing so, i wanted to share some of my experiences. in a future post i will tell stories of my years as the best looking and most hilarious cruise dir ———- ok, my years as the ugliest cruise director and one the guests found as funny as a stubbed toe. (more…) caribbean must do’s and how to get a hickey in grand cayman may 30, 2017 - john heald 0 comments--> hello everyone.  i’m back again and today i want to talk about some of the destinations we sail to and obviously that means talking about the caribbean where most of our ships sail year-round. a friend of mine returned recently from a land based vacation in the cayman islands. “so how was it?” i asked, expecting to hear about the food, the hotel, the beach etc. but no. instead he told me he’d seen something called jay z……..which i think is a tropical bird? seriously, though, the caribbean is so beautiful even the stars spend their vacations there. (more…) my simple packing tips for first-time cruisers may 17, 2017 - john heald 0 comments--> welcome back to the next installment of my blog — written by your chubby, grey-haired brand ambassador. for those who have been surfing the interweb and drooling over our ships on carnival.com — and have finally decided to come and join the millions of people who have already experienced the carnival fizz – the fun is about to begin. but hold on, panic may be setting in — so much so that you are reading this in a dark room while listening to the soundtrack of lonely whales. the reason for the panic . . . . (more…) the fizz may 3, 2017 - john heald 0 comments--> someone once described the moment they drove onto the port to start their cruise vacation on a carnival ship as “the fizz.” he told me the sheer joy of realising the fun is about to begin manifests itself as a fizzing sensation through his entire body. (more…) weather challenge june 9, 2016 - john heald 40 comments--> hello everyone, i am glad to see some of you enjoyed the “live from my garden” video on my facebook page yesterday and, with so many views, i guess i will do another one soon, so tune for something called “live from my shower” or, to give it a bit of a disney feel, “join john live from his shower as he proves that it is indeed….a small world.” seriously though, i will do another one soon so join me then and i will have live news and take some questions too. (more…) hurricane season june 8, 2016 - john heald 17 comments--> a very good morning to you all, as it’s june, it’s time to talk about the weather. yep, hurricane season. it’s hard to think about hurricane season when you are sitting in your underpants writing from the uk where hurricanes are as rare as finding an apple store in an amish community. (more…) blog from marseilles june 6, 2016 - john heald 4 comments--> good morning from marseilles, which is in france which is a country that has lots of general strikes, like today. this means there are no trains and public buses because across the country the french are protesting about ummm……….ummmm……..something.   (more…) blog from livorno june 4, 2016 - john heald 2 comments--> good morning from livorno where guests are exploring the tower that leans and the beauty that is tuscany and florence. i only have two days left on the carnival vista and will reminisce more tomorrow on why this ship is the ship that every cruiser should be booking.  (more…) shouting gets you nowhere may 31, 2016 - john heald 5 comments--> good morning from civitavecchia and our call to rome which, thanks to busy port traffic this morning, was delayed by 30 minutes. that meant that instead of docking at 7am, it was 7:30am before the ship was alongside and another 15 minutes before the gangways were out. and because of the delay, captain lubrano gave permission to extend the call by 30 minutes, meaning guests have to be back on board at 8pm rather than 7:30pm as advertised. (more…) « older entries subscribe, mate! name email your information will not be shared. --> media center --> --> read latest carnival news like john on facebook mate of the week grandma caroline and don --> stuff john fancies aida weblounge best blogs at sea carnival cruise lines news carnival on twitter carnival.com holland america blog p&o cruises blog princess cruises seabourn blog southend lifeboat we are cunard blog world of costa world’s leading cruise lines yawn bomb --> categories behind the scenes bloggers cruise carnival glory carnival liberty dry dock destinations alaska australia caribbean europe fjords greenland mexico norway qaqortoq south america st. petersburg funship 2.0 groove for st. jude heidi's post interview mr radu photos not john photos piano bar schedule q&a ships carnival breeze carnival destiny carnival dream carnival fantasy carnival inspiration carnival legend carnival liberty carnival magic carnival miracle carnival pride carnival sensation carnival spirit carnival splendor carnival sunshine carnival triumph carnival vista tales from the ship travel uncategorized valentines day video --> connect with the beards --> --> about john heald i started this blog when a lady called stephanie said "oh john, please write a blog, it will only be for a week and won't take up much of your time." that was back in 1492 and here i am still writing in the same pair of underpants. read more--> helpful links carnival.com fun times library--> cruise director schedule ccl support--> faq--> fun ships live webcams disclaimer thingy © 2017 carnival corporation. all rights reserved. hi, i’m john, and this is my blog. so please don’t mistake my opinions — or those of my dear friends, fans or commenters — for those of carnival cruise line or carnival corporation. my apologies in advance for anything i may say that upsets you, but this disclaimer covers carnival and puts the blame directly on me………….. bugger.


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