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Titleeasy to love but hard to raise | … parenting kids with invisible special needs

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H1
easy to love but hard to raise
25 things parents of children with special needs want their kids’ teachers to know.
sleep, elusive sleep – 10 alternative non-prescription sleep solutions
disassociation/distraction
go ahead, freak out
fasd 101/our story
repost: food is not a four-letter word. help for picky eaters!
repost: the critic
repost: hello, my name is eve, part one: what were you expecting?
repost: detachment parenting, or confessions of a robot mama.
be the patience you want to see
H2
… parenting kids with invisible special needs
first things first
grieve the loss
H3
main menu
post navigation
a note
“a saving grace book”
hope, solace, and strategies
subscribe to our blog!
categories
H4
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strong
your
their
overt
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your
their
overt
i
em your
their
overt
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b 3
i 0
em 3
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skip to primary content #content
skip to secondary content #secondary
at least 17% (http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/24019412)
#admired-top

Linki zewnętrzne

easy to love but hard to raise http://www.easytolovebut.com/
http://pinterest.com/easytolovekids
http://twitter.com/easytolovebut
http://facebook.com/easytolovekids
http://www.easytolovebut.com/?feed=rss
about http://www.easytolovebut.com/?page_id=2
contributors http://www.easytolovebut.com/?page_id=12
the book http://www.easytolovebut.com/?page_id=1264
older posts http://www.easytolovebut.com/?paged=2
25 things parents of children with special needs want their kids’ teachers to know. http://www.easytolovebut.com/?p=3224
http://www.easytolovebut.com/?p=3224
adrienne ehlert bashista http://www.easytolovebut.com/?author=1
- http://www.easytolovebut.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/school_etl.jpg
easy to love facebook page http://www.facebook.com/easytolovekids
continue reading http://www.easytolovebut.com/?p=3224#more-3224
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school + learning http://www.easytolovebut.com/?cat=60
searching for support http://www.easytolovebut.com/?cat=547
iep http://www.easytolovebut.com/?tag=iep
learning disabilities http://www.easytolovebut.com/?tag=learning-disabilities
school http://www.easytolovebut.com/?tag=school
school and disability http://www.easytolovebut.com/?tag=school-and-disability
special needs http://www.easytolovebut.com/?tag=special-needs
special needs parenting http://www.easytolovebut.com/?tag=special-needs-parenting
leave a reply http://www.easytolovebut.com/?p=3224#respond
sleep, elusive sleep – 10 alternative non-prescription sleep solutions http://www.easytolovebut.com/?p=3219
http://www.easytolovebut.com/?p=3219
adrienne ehlert bashista http://www.easytolovebut.com/?author=1
- http://www.easytolovebut.com/sleep-elusive-sleep-10-possible-non-med-sleep-solutions/poor_sleeper_tips/
continue reading http://www.easytolovebut.com/?p=3219#more-3219
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about us http://www.easytolovebut.com/?cat=14
adoption http://www.easytolovebut.com/?cat=28
fasd http://www.easytolovebut.com/?cat=143
sleep http://www.easytolovebut.com/?cat=193
alternative sleep remedies http://www.easytolovebut.com/?tag=alternative-sleep-remedies
children trouble sleeping http://www.easytolovebut.com/?tag=children-trouble-sleeping
complimentary sleep remedies http://www.easytolovebut.com/?tag=complimentary-sleep-remedies
help with child who won't sleep http://www.easytolovebut.com/?tag=help-with-child-who-wont-sleep
sleep and fasd http://www.easytolovebut.com/?tag=sleep-and-fasd
sleep and special needs http://www.easytolovebut.com/?tag=sleep-and-special-needs
leave a reply http://www.easytolovebut.com/?p=3219#respond
disassociation/distraction http://www.easytolovebut.com/?p=3213
http://www.easytolovebut.com/?p=3213
adrienne ehlert bashista http://www.easytolovebut.com/?author=1
- http://www.easytolovebut.com/?attachment_id=3239
a trainer and parent coach http://adriennebashista.net
continue reading http://www.easytolovebut.com/?p=3213#more-3213
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about us http://www.easytolovebut.com/?cat=14
fasd http://www.easytolovebut.com/?cat=143
fasd http://www.easytolovebut.com/?tag=fasd-2
fetal alcohol http://www.easytolovebut.com/?tag=fetal-alcohol
social issues http://www.easytolovebut.com/?tag=social-issues
social skills http://www.easytolovebut.com/?tag=social-skills
theory of mind http://www.easytolovebut.com/?tag=theory-of-mind
trying differently http://www.easytolovebut.com/?tag=trying-differently
leave a reply http://www.easytolovebut.com/?p=3213#respond
go ahead, freak out http://www.easytolovebut.com/?p=3205
http://www.easytolovebut.com/?p=3205
penny williams http://www.easytolovebut.com/?author=10
- http://www.easytolovebut.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/now_panic_and_freak_out__by_jweinstock-d3hvgoz.jpg

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0991617843/ref=as_li_tl?ie=utf8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeasin=0991617843&linkcode=as2&tag=dr022-20&linkid=0c66633fd0fed7a573e08f39e3adb8fb
- https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0991617843/ref=as_li_tl?ie=utf8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeasin=0991617843&linkcode=as2&tag=dr022-20&linkid=0c66633fd0fed7a573e08f39e3adb8fb
- https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0991617800/ref=as_li_tl?ie=utf8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeasin=0991617800&linkcode=as2&tag=dr022-20&linkid=f273f9b13e0da7a3d8147ef644a42cfb
- https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0991617851/ref=as_li_tl?ie=utf8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeasin=0991617851&linkcode=as2&tag=dr022-20&linkid=75be08eb07c1ed8867a2714d54e28d42
- https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0991617843/ref=as_li_tl?ie=utf8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeasin=0991617843&linkcode=as2&tag=dr022-20&linkid=4e87a4e7063767b5a235c40f77432322
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https://www.addtoany.com/share
adhd http://www.easytolovebut.com/?cat=25
asperger syndrome http://www.easytolovebut.com/?cat=479
autism http://www.easytolovebut.com/?cat=91
fasd http://www.easytolovebut.com/?cat=143
grief http://www.easytolovebut.com/?cat=142
parenting http://www.easytolovebut.com/?cat=6
ad/hd http://www.easytolovebut.com/?tag=adhd
autism http://www.easytolovebut.com/?tag=autism
disability and grief http://www.easytolovebut.com/?tag=disability-and-grief
grief http://www.easytolovebut.com/?tag=grief
parenting children with special needs http://www.easytolovebut.com/?tag=parenting-children-with-special-needs
leave a reply http://www.easytolovebut.com/?p=3205#respond
fasd 101/our story http://www.easytolovebut.com/?p=3198
http://www.easytolovebut.com/?p=3198
adrienne ehlert bashista http://www.easytolovebut.com/?author=1
- http://www.easytolovebut.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/adrienne_slide.jpg
may be as high as 70%. http://www.learningace.com/doc/1889082/3426b292a2bd418b6d1800e1e207f7ae/research_studies_prevalence_factsheets
parenting http://special-ism.com/category/parenting/parent-specific/discipline/
continue reading http://www.easytolovebut.com/?p=3198#more-3198
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about us http://www.easytolovebut.com/?cat=14
brain-based approach http://www.easytolovebut.com/?cat=559
fasd http://www.easytolovebut.com/?cat=143
getting the right diagnosis http://www.easytolovebut.com/?cat=240
neurobehavioral approach http://www.easytolovebut.com/?cat=565
fasd http://www.easytolovebut.com/?tag=fasd-2
fetal alcohol http://www.easytolovebut.com/?tag=fetal-alcohol
neurobehavioral special needs http://www.easytolovebut.com/?tag=neurobehavioral-special-needs
3 replies http://www.easytolovebut.com/?p=3198#comments
repost: food is not a four-letter word. help for picky eaters! http://www.easytolovebut.com/?p=3190
http://www.easytolovebut.com/?p=3190
adrienne ehlert bashista http://www.easytolovebut.com/?author=1
- http://www.easytolovebut.com/repost-food-is-not-a-four-letter-word-help-for-picky-eaters/picky_eater/
continue reading http://www.easytolovebut.com/?p=3190#more-3190
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https://www.addtoany.com/share
about us http://www.easytolovebut.com/?cat=14
sensory processing disorder http://www.easytolovebut.com/?cat=33
worries + doubts http://www.easytolovebut.com/?cat=26
picky eaters http://www.easytolovebut.com/?tag=picky-eaters
picky kids http://www.easytolovebut.com/?tag=picky-kids
sensory processing http://www.easytolovebut.com/?tag=sensory-processing
special needs http://www.easytolovebut.com/?tag=special-needs
leave a reply http://www.easytolovebut.com/?p=3190#respond
repost: the critic http://www.easytolovebut.com/?p=3184
http://www.easytolovebut.com/?p=3184
adrienne ehlert bashista http://www.easytolovebut.com/?author=1
- http://www.easytolovebut.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/contemplation.jpg
continue reading http://www.easytolovebut.com/?p=3184#more-3184
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about us http://www.easytolovebut.com/?cat=14
adhd http://www.easytolovebut.com/?cat=25
care for the caregiver http://www.easytolovebut.com/?cat=226
family patterns + dysfunction http://www.easytolovebut.com/?cat=254
getting the right diagnosis http://www.easytolovebut.com/?cat=240
parenting http://www.easytolovebut.com/?cat=6
searching for support http://www.easytolovebut.com/?cat=547
stress http://www.easytolovebut.com/?cat=125
worries + doubts http://www.easytolovebut.com/?cat=26
ad/hd http://www.easytolovebut.com/?tag=adhd
invisible special needs http://www.easytolovebut.com/?tag=invisible-special-needs
mother guilt http://www.easytolovebut.com/?tag=mother-guilt
neuropsych testing http://www.easytolovebut.com/?tag=neuropsych-testing
parenting http://www.easytolovebut.com/?tag=parenting
1 reply http://www.easytolovebut.com/?p=3184#comments
repost: hello, my name is eve, part one: what were you expecting? http://www.easytolovebut.com/?p=3156
http://www.easytolovebut.com/?p=3156
adrienne ehlert bashista http://www.easytolovebut.com/?author=1
- https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1933084154/ref=as_li_tl?ie=utf8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeasin=1933084154&linkcode=as2&tag=dr022-20&linkid=3563569d0c8cc6ad4af9f5ad3adf3b27
easy to love but hard to raise: real parents, challenging kids, true stories. https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1933084154/ref=as_li_tl?ie=utf8&tag=dr022-20&camp=1789&creative=9325&linkcode=as2&creativeasin=1933084154&linkid=4c6240c3fc70d6ccdd50058c3f16f335
what to expect when you’re expecting. https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0761148574/ref=as_li_tl?ie=utf8&tag=dr022-20&camp=1789&creative=9325&linkcode=as2&creativeasin=0761148574&linkid=303848bd4504d7293adc92e0ec3cb24c
what to expect the first year  https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0761181504/ref=as_li_tl?ie=utf8&tag=dr022-20&camp=1789&creative=9325&linkcode=as2&creativeasin=0761181504&linkid=bc12c319146fb5b5561ddd7a6860a6d9
what to expect the toddler years. https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0761152148/ref=as_li_tl?ie=utf8&tag=dr022-20&camp=1789&creative=9325&linkcode=as2&creativeasin=0761152148&linkid=e4b0cf8b944162e1a9f310beb5ebb43d
continue reading http://www.easytolovebut.com/?p=3156#more-3156
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https://www.addtoany.com/share
about us http://www.easytolovebut.com/?cat=14
adhd http://www.easytolovebut.com/?cat=25
care for the caregiver http://www.easytolovebut.com/?cat=226
family patterns + dysfunction http://www.easytolovebut.com/?cat=254
finding support http://www.easytolovebut.com/?cat=293
from the editors http://www.easytolovebut.com/?cat=3
getting the right diagnosis http://www.easytolovebut.com/?cat=240
parenting http://www.easytolovebut.com/?cat=6
series: hello! my name is: eve http://www.easytolovebut.com/?cat=135
worries + doubts http://www.easytolovebut.com/?cat=26
ad/hd http://www.easytolovebut.com/?tag=adhd
challenging children http://www.easytolovebut.com/?tag=challenging-children
fasd http://www.easytolovebut.com/?tag=fasd-2
fetal alcohol http://www.easytolovebut.com/?tag=fetal-alcohol
neurobehavioral special needs http://www.easytolovebut.com/?tag=neurobehavioral-special-needs
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easy to love but hard to raise … parenting kids with invisible special needs main menu skip to primary content skip to secondary content about contributors the book search post navigation ← older posts feb 24 25 things parents of children with special needs want their kids’ teachers to know. posted on by adrienne ehlert bashista a year or so ago i gave a presentation for people who are training to become special education teachers and to prepare, i asked the parents on the easy to love facebook page what advice they’d give these future teachers. the advice they gave was spot-on – not just for people training to work with   kids specifically designated “exceptional,” but for all teachers, since most of our kids are mainstreamed. here’s the advice. it’s wonderful. pass it around. link to it. print it out. share. children with “invisible” special needs, like adhd, pdd, spd, pbd, fasd, ocd, anxiety,  odd, autism, asperger’s, and many others manifest their disabilities behaviorally. it is easy to blame the parents for these behavioral problems. it is accurate to see these behaviors as a result of their brain dysfunction. communicate, communicate, communicate. communicate! we can’t help if we don’t know what’s going on. on the flip side, if we over-communicate, cut us some slack. we are not helicopter moms, we are experts in our own children’s special needs. they, and we, are often misinterpreted and we’ve found that the squeaky wheel gets the grease. let us squeak! it’s not nosiness. it’s not pestering. really, most days, we would much rather say “it’s your school, you handle it, don’t call me”– but we want our kids to be successful. which means being their best advocates. which means we call or email as much as is necessary. continue reading → posted in school + learning, searching for support | tagged iep, learning disabilities, school, school and disability, special needs, special needs parenting | leave a reply sep 18 sleep, elusive sleep – 10 alternative non-prescription sleep solutions posted on by adrienne ehlert bashista my son – and therefore, the rest of his family – has struggled with sleep since he was a baby. when we adopted him at 15 months i had planned to sleep in his room with him to encourage attachment, but it didn’t take long to realize that my presence was not soothing to him, but exciting. if i was in the room he wanted to stay up and play. if i wasn’t in the room he wanted to stay up and play! we quickly figured out that he needed a very quiet, calm, and dark space to sleep, although even with that he still had trouble, we’d put him to bed at 8, he’d yell (not cry) for 4 hours, fall asleep around 12, and was up by 5. even after sleeping only 5 hours he wouldn’t nap during the day, and although he got very wild and dysregulated because of lack of sleep, he didn’t get cranky or grumpy, which was a positive, although i’m sure that 5 hours a night wasn’t especially good for his little body. i know it wasn’t good for me. i’m a light sleeper, so even though j was in his crib, and later, in his room with a baby gate keeping him safe, when he woke, i woke. when i asked our pediatrician he talked to me about sleep hygiene, like keeping a good routine, doing calming things before bed, and making sure the child is comfortable, but i had already tried all that and felt frustrated. i was very thankful when another doctor suggested melatonin, which was immediately effective in helping flip whatever switch led to sleep.  continue reading → posted in about us, adoption, fasd, sleep | tagged alternative sleep remedies, children trouble sleeping, complimentary sleep remedies, help with child who won't sleep, sleep and fasd, sleep and special needs | leave a reply aug 01 disassociation/distraction posted on by adrienne ehlert bashista (c) david morris, flickr user a couple of years ago i started another blog about my life with a child with fasd but i eventually abandoned it to get a little more focused on other things, including this blog, more books, and becoming a trainer and parent coach, specializing in fasd and other neurobehavioral disorders. this blog post was from 3 years ago when my son was 9. what’s funny is that nothing has changed. nothing. i’m not sure what particular part of the brain is involved in being self-aware, but it still hasn’t activated. we could have had this conversation yesterday – about camp, homeschool playgroup, or anywhere else he came into contact with another human being.  ~adrienne ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ this morning my dearest darling boy said two things to me about the kids at his new school, which specializes in kids with special needs: “there’s this girl at my school who makes noise all day. she saysuuuunnnhhh, uuuunnnhhh, uuuunnnhhh all day long.” oh brother, i thought. he really doesn’t get it, does he? i said: “you make noises all day long. maybe not at school, but at home. isuuuunnnhhh, uuuunnnhhh,uuuunnnhhh any different than screaming shot through the heart/you’re to blame/you give love/a bad name over and over and over and over again? all day long?” “i don’t do that,” my baby said. “yes, you do,” i said. “you also do this:whooooop! whooooop! whooooop! whooooop! a lot.” “i don’t do that.” “yes, you really do.” continue reading → posted in about us, fasd | tagged fasd, fetal alcohol, social issues, social skills, theory of mind, trying differently | leave a reply jun 11 go ahead, freak out posted on by penny williams let’s face it. you weren’t expecting adhd, autism, bipolar disorder, fasd, or any health issues classified as a neurobehavioral disorder. no one does. it comes at you suddenly, from behind, and with great force. it’s more than being blindsided; it’s like falling out of the boat, without a life-jacket, and without knowing how to swim. oh, by the way, there are piranhas under that dark surface too. it’s unexpected and terrifying. so what do you do when you’re not expecting a developmental or neurobehavioral diagnosis? freak out! go ahead. i’m not kidding. freak out! panic! have a pity party. feel sorry for yourself, your child, and your family — it’s natural. take some time to wallow in the fact that your in-utero plans for your child’s future have possibly changed altogether. i know that’s not the advice you expected, but you have to acknowledge and validate those feelings so you can move beyond the shock and grief and eventually reach a good place. when you’ve cried until there are no more tears and taken in the “why me monster” as though he is your new bff, come back to the real world and start researching to discover your next steps to get on your way to successfully parenting a child with neurobehavioral special needs. take as long as you need — there aren’t rules for this and the information will still be there when you’re ready. first things first okay, stop panicking now. while it feels like it initially, a behavioral disability diagnosis is nothing to panic about. in fact, i challenge you to celebrate the impending clarity that comes with diagnosis. there’s a certain amount of relief to finally knowing why your child is struggling. there is one essential thing to remember when your child is first diagnosed. you are not alone. say it with me, “i am not alone. i am not the only parent who struggles with this special brand of parenting.” you may even want to post it on your bathroom mirror and treat it like a personal affirmation for a while. it certainly won’t hurt. parenting a child with special needs can be very isolating so you will need to consistently remind yourself that others know a similar journey. acceptance of your child, just the way they are, is crucial, now more than ever. grieve the loss i’m sure you visualized your child gloating about their latest “a,” or crossing the stage during college graduation at some point during your pregnancy or adoption process.  it’s an innate instinct to want the very best for our children and to visualize their life’s milestones very early. a special needs diagnosis often initially feels like an abrupt end of many of your dreams for your child. finding out your child has a disability establishes the possibility that all your dreams for them may not come true. but it doesn’t mean their dreams aren’t possible. let’s face it, receiving an adhd, autism, bi-polar, fasd, learning disability, etc. diagnosis for your child is tough. no, it’s not a terminal illness or a physical handicap, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t feel sorry and grieve. your pain is valid, even if it isn’t as intense as someone else’s. you just found out your child has a neurological disorder — that something didn’t quite go right when their brain was developing — and that entitles you to a period of sorrow. if you weren’t upset about it, that would be something to worry about. it’s natural to grieve when your child is diagnosed with any disability. your world has changed — either your expectations have been shattered or you have come to the realization that the madness chaos is here to stay, at least somewhat. while it’s necessary to go through that period of grief, you also have to get beyond it. feeling sorry long term doesn’t help the situation one bit. take a little time to be sad, angry, scared, heart-broken. sit in a room alone for a couple days. take a bubble bath until you shrivel. cry. scream. recoil. it’s okay to be irrational for a few moments and let these feelings surface.  it’s even healthy, dare i say. take a few days, maybe a week, to process and work through your feelings — then move on because wallowing is not going to help you or your child. i sat in front of the t.v. alone in my bedroom and stared out the window for a couple days after my son’s adhd diagnosis. i cried a lot and i have a faint memory of eating lots of ice cream. i tried not to think about adhd, yet it was all i thought about for days. years in fact, if i’m honest with myself. gratitude and positivity are the only roads to genuine happiness. for that is how we survive, and eventually thrive. it is easy to feel hopeless when parenting a special needs child. i decided wallowing in my sorrow wasn’t doing me, my son ricochet, or anyone else any good. denial and tears were not going to erase his adhd and they weren’t going to teach us how to do the best for him either. so i chose to direct my compass toward the positive and i moved on to gathering knowledge, the next crucial step. (image from jweinstock on deviantart.com.) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ you can find penny williams’ books on amazon:   posted in adhd, asperger syndrome, autism, fasd, grief, parenting | tagged ad/hd, autism, disability and grief, grief, parenting children with special needs | leave a reply may 19 fasd 101/our story posted on by adrienne ehlert bashista fasd stands for fetal alcohol spectrum disorder. in-utero exposure to alcohol is the number one preventable cause of developmental and intellectual delays in this north america. conservatively, fasd impacts 2-5% of all births, and causes permanent, irrevocable and untreatable brain damage. for children in foster care or who are adopted from russia or eastern europe, the number is at least 17%, and may be as high as 70%. a person with fasd is likely to need services and support  for his or her entire life. the lifetime cost for these services can be 2 million dollars. my almost 12- year old son is handsome, intense, funny, strong-willed, loving, and he also has fasd. if you met him you’d think he was darling.  big green eyes, wavy blond hair. nice manners – at least in public. a great fisherman. a good conversationalist – at least with adults. we love him. clearly. but if you know anything about fasd at all, you know that because of brain damage that occurred when his birth mother consumed alcohol during her pregnancy with him, he is very, very difficult to parent. if you didn’t know him like i do, you’d think he was oppositional, defiant, manipulative, angry, and poorly behaved. you’d call him immature, a liar, and a thief. you’d think he was spoiled, lazy, and out of control. none of that is true. none of this is his fault, but he gets blamed. none of this is my fault, as his mother, but i get blamed. his behavior can sometimes look like the result of bad parenting. but it’s not. far from it. he has brain damage. he is disabled. but you sure wouldn’t know by looking at him – which is more of a curse than a blessing, if you ask me. he looks “normal” so people, including me, expect that he should act “normal.” but that doesn’t happen very often. or at least not with intense effort. fasd is a spectrum disorder, meaning that some children are extremely impaired and in others it’s not as disabling.  on the far, most disabled end of the spectrum are people with profound intellectual disabilities and/or serious physical problems. on the less disabled end are children who look perfectly “normal,” but whose behavior and ability to function is more like someone half their age. some children with fasd have low iqs. some have high iqs. all are developmentally delayed and most have difficulty in adaptive behavior, which is what determines a person’s ability to be self-sufficient. my son doesn’t have any of the serious overt physical impacts caused by fasd, except for some subtle facial features that 10% of folks with fetal alcohol exposure also share, but he has every brain-based impact of the disorder. doctors have diagnosed him with adhd, sensory processing disorder, oppositional defiant disorder, poor working memory, mood disorder, developmental delays, borderline intelligence, and slow auditory processing. despite that list of diagnoses, the reality is that all of these behavioral labels are part of the brain damage he experienced in utero. instead of looking at each separate diagnosis it’s far more useful to look at his brain as a whole. the brain controls behavior. his behaviors are symptoms of his physical disability. continue reading → posted in about us, brain-based approach, fasd, getting the right diagnosis, neurobehavioral approach | tagged fasd, fetal alcohol, neurobehavioral special needs | 3 replies may 16 repost: food is not a four-letter word. help for picky eaters! posted on by adrienne ehlert bashista my son has sensory processing disorder (also known as sensory integration dysfunction). one aspect of the vast range of symptoms of the disorder is that he is a very picky eater. he doesn’t want to try new foods, he doesn’t like his foods mixed together (which means he can’t appreciate my casseroles, soups, and salads), and he doesn’t even want to eat a food that has touched another on his plate. i knew he was sensitive to the textures and smells of foods because of his oral and olfactory sensitivities. but it took some research to figure out that there is much more to it than just that. he’s thinner than i’d like, especially after a growth spurt, but we’re thankful that so far this problem hasn’t restricted his growth or health. mostly, it’s just very annoying to me as a parent. i work hard to cook a healthy, tasty meal for the family, and pat myself on the back for not buying fast food or overly processed/frozen items, but it seems his first response is always, “mom, this is yucky. can i have a pb&j?” it’s hard to shake the feelings of under appreciation and worry about his health and remember that it’s really about his neurological disorder. over the years, we’ve tried to choose our battles, and until lately food hasn’t been one of them. i’d always tried to convince myself that when he was hungry, he would eat, and as long as i was giving him a quality daily multivitamin and healthy food choices, he’d be just fine. that’s still theoretically true for my son now, but for many children with more severe aversions, those labeled resistant eaters, this issue can present serious health concerns. it is not uncommon that children diagnosed with other disorders including autism, asperger’s syndrome, and pervasive developmental disorders would also be resistant eaters. continue reading → posted in about us, sensory processing disorder, worries + doubts | tagged picky eaters, picky kids, sensory processing, special needs | leave a reply may 12 repost: the critic posted on by adrienne ehlert bashista as much as i think i have “accepted” my children’s learning challenges, i forget that i still have the critic living in me as well. the voice of acceptance is calm and even soothing at times. it has been cultivated and reflects flexibility and surrender to what is in me and my children, rather than rigid ideas of what “should” be true. “the critic”, on the other hand, is loud and harsh and, at vulnerable times, unrelenting. three kids with add? yeah, right! you’re just a bad mother. add? not! rather, it must be lms (lazy mother syndrome). maybe you are imagining all this because you are in the mental health field. maybe you jumped the gun in terms of assessment and intervention and maybe all this help has actually created the problem. maybe it is your hyper-vigilance with the oldest, the sudafed you took for a bad sinus infection when pregnant with the second child, or the way the youngest baby turned blue as she left the birth canal and needed oxygen… or, most benignly, maybe it is just your screwed up dna. it does not matter that we have consulted with experts in the field many times over the years to see if the add and related learning problems are our imagination, the validation we desperately need to avoid self blame. it doesn’t matter that we have been told that this is genetic or simply how they are wired. i still find myself living with chronic doubt. i don’t like to admit that the critic is always nearby, but it is. continue reading → posted in about us, adhd, care for the caregiver, family patterns + dysfunction, getting the right diagnosis, parenting, searching for support, stress, worries + doubts | tagged ad/hd, invisible special needs, mother guilt, neuropsych testing, parenting | 1 reply may 02 repost: hello, my name is eve, part one: what were you expecting? posted on by adrienne ehlert bashista this repost is by kay marner, the co-editor of easy to love but hard to raise: real parents, challenging kids, true stories. through editing the book kay found a pattern in the experience of parenting children with neurobehavioral special needs. she frames it as the experience of an everyparent, “eve.” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ when i was pregnant with my first child, i spent untold hours with my nose in the book what to expect when you’re expecting. throughout my son aaron’s first year of life, what to expect the first year was always close at hand, on the table by the rocking chair where i fed aaron, sang to him, read to him, and rocked him to sleep for naps and bedtimes. then, before i knew it, i’d switched to what to expect the toddler years. sound familiar? do you remember those days? wasn’t it magically reassuring to follow along—and even read ahead–in books that explained every stage of development, and answered every possible question—sometimes before we knew to ask it? continue reading → posted in about us, adhd, care for the caregiver, family patterns + dysfunction, finding support, from the editors, getting the right diagnosis, parenting, series: hello! my name is: eve, worries + doubts | tagged ad/hd, challenging children, fasd, fetal alcohol, neurobehavioral special needs, parenting children with special needs | leave a reply apr 30 repost: detachment parenting, or confessions of a robot mama. posted on by adrienne ehlert bashista i first wrote this post 3 years ago. my son had been newly diagnosed with fetal alcohol spectrum disorder (fasd) and i knew enough about him and enough about fasd to know that his behaviors weren’t completely under his control, and that the best thing i could do was not to respond. since i wrote this i’ve learned a great deal more about fasd, and am an fasd educator. i’m happy to say that by using the 2 strategies i explain in this post, as well as providing accommodations and environmental change for my son, much of these behaviors have diminished. he’s also 3 years older, and as john holt said (a rough paraphrase) in one of his wonderful books about homeschooling: ‘never let anyone else take credit for a child’s development that occurs simply because the child is getting older in the world.’ i have something to admit: sometimes the very best tool i have a parent is my ability to detach. or at least pretend to detach, which is just as good when it comes to managing my easy-to-love-but-hard-to-raise child, but which isn’t particularly healthy for me: stuffing and stifling one’s feelings is not generally thought of the most emotionally healthy activity, you know. what i mean by detaching is this: if my child screams, swears, or throws stuff at me, tantrums on the floor, demands x,y, or z,, perseverates, says “what do you mean?” over and over and over again in response to simple statements, runs from me when i’m speaking, interrupts while i’m having a conversation with someone else, talks nonsense when my husband and older son and i are conversing at dinner, destroys his toys, destroys other people’s toys, takes things that don’t belong to him…i do my utmost to remain calm. all of these behaviors are related to the brain damage he experienced as the result of fetal alcohol spectrum disorder. none of them are on purpose. all of them are a response to his needs not being met…and all of them are profoundly difficult to deal with. i have two basic strategies for managing these types of outbursts: continue reading → posted in about us, family patterns + dysfunction, fasd, homeschooling, neurobehavioral approach, oppositional defiance disorder | tagged angry child, detachment parenting, distancing yourself as parent, fetal alcohol, special needs parenting, swearing child | 5 replies jan 09 be the patience you want to see posted on by adrienne ehlert bashista this is an excerpt from the resilient parent: everyday wisdom for life with your exceptional child, by mantu joshi. mantu is the father of three children, a minister, stay-at-home dad, and a writer. the resilient parent offers short person essays to help us reframe the experience parenting children with special needs so we can be more resilient parents! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ i hate transitions. i hate that i cannot just beam my children from activity to activity like in star trek, or get them from the minivan into the house by wiggling my nose like samantha in those old bewitched episodes. no, we have to physically get from point a to point b, which means that someone is likely to throw a tantrum. continue reading → posted in about us, anger, anxiety, care for the caregiver, family patterns + dysfunction, finding support, from the experts, parenting, resilience, searching for support, the resilient parent | tagged anger, mantu joshi, modeling calm, resiliency, special needs parenting, the resilient parent | 1 reply page 1 of 301234next ›last » a note the editor of this blog has chosen to put advertisements on the site in order to help support the site and its community. all links to online vendors are the responsibility of this site's owners, not the individual writers. if you need to buy anything, feel free to click on through to amazon or other vendors from our site! any purchases help keep us afloat! “a saving grace book” hope, solace, and strategies subscribe to our blog! follow this blog categories about us adhd adoption affording it all anger anxiety asperger syndrome attachment disorders autism brain-based approach call for submissions capd care for the caregiver community information dating easy to love but hard to teach essays wanted family patterns + dysfunction fasd finding support from the editors from the experts getting the right diagnosis giveaways grief guest post homeschooling images juvenile justice system lyme disease marriage + family medication mood disorders neurobehavioral approach news you can use ocd older kids oppositional defiance disorder pandas parenting pediatric bipolar disorder receptive-expressive language disorder research resilience school + learning searching for support sensory processing disorder series: hello! my name is: eve siblings of etl kids sleep social skills stress the book the resilient parent tourette syndrome trusting your gut twice exceptional uncategorized work/life/special needs worries + doubts copyright 2012 @easy to love but hard to raise. each post is the intellectual property of the individual contributor. admired theme


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your dreams for - 0.05% (2)
all day long. - 0.05% (2)
for a couple - 0.05% (2)
or your child. - 0.05% (2)
not going to - 0.05% (2)
a reply may - 0.05% (2)
in his room - 0.05% (2)
is likely to - 0.05% (2)
none of this - 0.05% (2)
about us, adhd, - 0.05% (2)
sensory processing disorder, - 0.05% (2)
to stay up - 0.05% (2)
room he wanted - 0.05% (2)
bashista my son - 0.05% (2)
of the disorder - 0.05% (2)
as long as - 0.05% (2)
stay up and - 0.05% (2)
much as i - 0.05% (2)
maybe it is - 0.05% (2)
the way the - 0.05% (2)
matter that we - 0.05% (2)
“i don’t do - 0.05% (2)
that we have - 0.05% (2)
damage he experienced - 0.05% (2)

Here you can find chart of all your popular one, two and three word phrases. Google and others search engines means your page is about words you use frequently.

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