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Titlethe caregiving cornerstone -

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Description the caregiving cornerstone is a website dedicated to caregiver support. patricia pugliese provides guidance in preparation for caregiving, caregiving endurance, caregiving acceptance, caregiver stress and more. caregiving cornerstone also provides caregiver resources.

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Keywords support for caregivers,caregiver support,senior care,caregiver support services,caregiver stress,family and caregiver support programs,caring for the caregiver,resources for caregivers,caring for an elderly parent,being a caregiver,caregiver burnout,caregiver resources
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home about professional bio my story faq contact menu caregiving insights, caregiving tips, reflection grounded in nature april 17, 2017 no comments today is one of those days! good days. as i write this, it’s a full moon and this moon-child is reflecting on the many wonderful gifts she’s been given. i have in mind, especially, two wonderful friends that have each been my dearest of friends since the day we met. yvette was my next door neighbor when we were twenty-four years old and cathy since our daughters were in the first grade together. that’s 45 and 37 years ago, respectively. only today, after all these years, did it dawn on me that yvette and cathy, who hardly know each other, have something very special in common and perhaps it’s what makes each of them such loving and thoughtful women. they are both master gardeners. and, please excuse the pun, they are probably the most grounded people i know. their connection to the earth, more than even they may realize, appears to have given each a perspective on life that is simple, honest and firm. as an observer, one who is curious about human nature and been studying, in recent years, the connection of all life on our planet, i’m very fortunate to be close to these two remarkable women who are naturally so close to nature. yvette does most of her own gardening to this day (even the heavy lifting) and you would not see more beautiful landscaping in architectural digest or better homes and gardens magazine. a visit from yvette means a huge bouquet of a variety of flowers in a lovely vase will be brightening my living room. her roses and hydrangeas are magnificent as are all her flowers, shrubs and trees. hummingbirds and butterflies are happiest in her gardens. and so is yvette. the beauty of nature is her life’s breath. cathy owned a large organic vegetable/produce farm for much of her young life. she can manage a crew of workers, haggle with buyers and sweep you off your feet with her earthy, witty, sense of humor. organic produce wasn’t in all the markets in the 80’s. most of us know now that the most beautiful produce is probably genetically modified to resist bugs, etc., or waxed to look picture perfect. i remember her telling me, “don’t worry about a few flaws in the lettuce, if it’s good enough for the bugs, it’s good enough for you!” today cathy is in high demand by people who know her by reputation for her expert advice whether they’re starting a new garden, putting in new landscaping, or just wanting their gardens to thrive. she manages to help them all with a smile and her sage mother earth advice. being grounded is a physical thing as much as an expression of a mental state. we don’t need to get into quantum mechanics to observe nature and notice that everything in life is connected and, therefore, precious. looking out my window i see the blue sky, the sun and passing clouds that nourish life in all its forms. i see birds that connect from the sky to the trees. trees and plants that are rooted in the earth and home to the birds and other life forms. the trees and plants give us oxygen and we, along with animals, give them carbon dioxide so we can all live together. underground and in our lakes, rivers and oceans the life is tremendous. when you look at the grass or the street or the floor in your home, the fabulous life underground is not obvious. it’s actually one miracle after another if we use our imagination and visualize what’s happening under there 24/7. it’s all connected to us, we humans who are fortunate to be able to recognize the beauty of it all. stop and smell the roses is just a beginning. consider how that rose is connected to you and the beauty of it all. makes you feel beautiful, doesn’t it? you don’t have to be a master gardener to get grounded. you just need to take a few minutes, everyday if you can, and be still. be quiet. listen to the silence. if you can’t take a walk in nature, think of a tree. there’s silence there even when the wind is blowing, the birds are nesting and the earth it grows from is teaming with active life. the tree is silent. the tree is peaceful. you will feel peaceful thinking of the peace in the tree. that’s being grounded. life is easier when you’re grounded. makes you want to hug a tree! can’t believe i said that. caregivers need to be grounded and peaceful. i wish you peace and beautiful walks in nature. hugs, patricia view post reflection sometimes a light comes on! april 3, 2017 no comments watching a video about the benefits of meditation the other day, a reference to multi-tasking related to stress caught my attention. that morning, my older daughter had mentioned that she had gotten distracted from our conversation because she was multi-tasking. synchronicity?  when a subject comes up twice my antenna goes up.  was something telling me to write about caregivers and focusing on the task at hand? then, as i sat down to write, a light came on, oh my, i’m the ultimate offender. i don’t turn my phone off when i’m meditating. that’s ridiculous!  i get one or two calls often, early in the morning, and a text or two.  no wonder i’m always frustrated that i can’t get my meditation done early enough.  and what would the quality of that meditation be if i didn’t always have the thought in the back of my mind that i may be interrupted at any time?  there’s voicemail for heavens sake.  ok.  that’s it.  phone off from now on during meditation.  it’s a new day.  namaste ;) caregiving, like any other important task, requires concentration and focus.  after all, we’re often dealing with medications and medical procedures.  we shouldn’t be cooking and doling out medication at the same time.  even dressing someone or serving them meals could be more creative and pleasurable with full attention.  tasks that become mundane could be less so if we were paying full attention instead of thinking about all the next things we have to do and becoming overwhelmed.  we would have less stress and frustration. it’s just a thought.  if you’re a multi-tasker and life works well for you and those around you, that’s great. keep going.  we’re not all the same.  however, if any of this discussion hits home, maybe it’s time for a light to come on.  maybe life could be more peaceful and enjoyable. one aspect of this subject that i happen to be working on lately, with visibly nice results, is paying more attention (full attention) to the person with whom i’m speaking. i must admit my mind often wandered and i could feel less than interested in a subject someone else wanted to discuss.  i would often be thinking about how i would be able to solve their problem instead of just listening.  sometimes people don’t need to have anything solved. they just need to be heard. there is real pleasure in knowing that someone with whom you’ve engaged in conversation is enjoying being heard, maybe for the first time in a long time. their eyes sparkle when they know their words are received with interest.  putting other tasks aside to focus on another human being is most rewarding for all involved. i think we then go on to our next task ready to do a good job, by focusing on it. it’s spring, enjoy the season. hugs, patricia view post caregiving tips, reflection a people pleasing non conformist march 20, 2017 no comments life is a tightrope for caregivers! taking great care of our loved ones is so much more than just showing up each day. great care means we have to use our hearts, minds and intuition when making decisions which are critical to the well being of those in our care. we’re taking responsibility for another persons life and the attention we give that responsibility is a testament to our own character. when all is said and done, will you be able to honestly say to yourself, “i think i did a good job because i did what i thought was right at the time”? if it helps, there really is no “right”. there’s only the best decision that could be made with the information and circumstances you had at a given time. isn’t that true for all of life? whoso would be a man must be a non conformist. he who would gather immortals palms must not be hindered by the name of goodness, but must explore if it be goodness. nothing is at last sacred but the integrity of your own mind. ralph waldo emerson, self-reliance perhaps you look back and second guess yourself often. we all do when we’re in the throws of playing doctor, lawyer, merchant, chief and, also, for years after when we’ve had time to reflect. but it’s our tendency to look outside ourselves for approval that keeps the second guessing rolling in our minds. we hope for the approval of family, friends, doctors, society and our loved ones. there’s a lot of pleasing to do. they’re going to have “opinions”. it’s natural to be easy to get along with when things are going well. it’s often hard but necessary to be a non conformist when a situation warrants. especially if your loved one is suffering. its really okay if you’re not liked by everyone. even by doctors or administrators. we’ve been beaten into submission by society to think that we have to take a no when we need a yes. if you do your best to put your point across as nicely as possible, if doggedly, i’m sure you’ll get respect eventually even if you’re an inconvenience at the time. if not, who cares? you’ll have done your best. my husband passed away in march seven years ago. i’m remembering the very irritated look on his doctor’s face when i showed up at his office without an appointment, my husband in his transfer chair in tow. i was getting no where over the phone and i needed help now. my husband was blind, deaf, suffering from congestive heart failure and had extreme anxiety. the anxiety and the various medications all his doctors had him on manifested into a frightening schizophrenic behavior that showed up each evening at sundown. if you’re not familiar with sundowning syndrome you can read a previous blog post here (click the following links to read sundowning part i, sundowning part ii). his visions of men in trench coats with machine guns pointed at us were now showing up in the day time. this unwelcome office visit got the ball rolling and it took a couple of weeks to get insurance approvals, but we finally received the care needed. the doctor is a fine man, he was just too busy to really get involved in each individual case. it wasn’t personal, there was just no other way i could get what we needed without pushing as hard as i did. upon my husband’s passing, he was the only doctor who called with condolences. as a people pleaser most of my life, i credit my years of caregiving with the lessons necessary to toughen me up. all my life i had been proud of the fact that i could get along with most anyone. as a child i was praised for being a pleasure in the classroom in school and at home for being easy to raise, i’m the oldest of four girls. we generally live up to what we’re praised for. but life has a way of rolling over us if we don’t find a balance. i want to encourage all caregivers to be who they are and expect to be respected for it. those around you who matter will recognize your truth. and those in your care will be best cared for. keep pursuing what you need to have the best life for yourself and those you love. i wish you love and the courage of a non conformist. hugs! patricia as always, please email me with questions or comments at: patricia@caregivingcornerstone.com. i’ll get back to you promptly. view post reflection believe and it will happen! how’s that working for you? february 13, 2017 no comments fascinating how life works, we’ve got to use our imagination before anything we want can happen. we have to imagine (think) we can pick up our cup of coffee before our hand will reach for it. we have to imagine ourselves putting the key into the ignition before we start the car to take us to the job we imagine we’re supposed to go to each day.  a baby has to imagine himself walking before he will take that first step. all this imagining (forethought) happens so fast every moment of everyday that we take it for granted.  we just assume.  we forget that imagination is involved at our most basic level of functionality. we could move onto bigger things like edison imagining his inventions before he created them, or tom brady imagining winning super bowl 51 with the biggest comeback in super bowl history.  you creating the life you would find most desirable at this moment in time. i want to make the point that if we’re already doing what we need to know how to do to create the movement and basic function of our lives, then we already know how to create what we want but don’t yet have.  most of us are just not consciously using our skill to manifest what we desire in our lives.  it’s at this basic level where we just know so clearly that a thing will happen (if you reach for the cup you will pick it up if you choose to) that the magic comes in.  it has to because we’ve willed it and know without question that it will.  we don’t have to think about it.  we just do it. this is jonathan livingston seagull style of knowing!  we all have the ability if we can shed the layers of conditioning that causes us to think we’re limited. you, like me, may have read every book and heard every motivational speaker out there trying to get a hold on that one tiny little clue that turns our switch on and suddenly says, you’ve got it!  wow, the answer to life is in our hands!  it’s going to be a dream world now, like it is for those who tell us they know how to do it.  do they really know?  to tell you the truth, i think they do.  they’ve found how it works in spite of their own individual experiences and in spite of societies conditioning. i think it’s reverse conditioning. i think those who consistently function at that highest creative level and demonstrate it by example, have come to that knowing in different ways. mike dooley of tut.com is one of those people. he taught himself how to continually create his fabulous life.  he really lives what he has learned. he and others are trying to teach the rest of us, collectively, how to use our innate gifts in order to have the best experience possible while we’re in this life. it’s unbelievably complicated because we each come to the class with a different set of life experiences.  and, unfortunately, most of the 7 billion of us on our planet don’t have a clue that life could be wonderful. i’m not forgetting about the seemingly impossible odds against a better life that many people are born under.  the suffering and oppression in the world is overwhelming to say the least.  that’s what i mean about how complicated this subject is.  how can it be possible to make something happen that seems like a miracle when overwhelming evidence to the contrary is before ones own eyes? but, that’s what i think i’m starting to grasp. you have to go beyond what is before your own eyes that see through your level of conditioning. i’m hoping more and more people are and the world is on the verge of a tremendous shift in consciousness. it all comes down to imagination, believing something is possible and having unshakeable faith that a thing can come to pass.  one organization i’m aware of that’s bringing healing to veterans and others around the world is the david lynch foundation, davidlynchfoundation.org.  a big miracle! this subject is much too complicated for just one blog post, but i’m seeing in my own life and the lives of others around me, that small miracles, events that involve the shifting around of fewer circumstances and other peoples lives, appear to happen faster than big miracles.  today i call all positive things that happen miracles. for so long it was just uncool to say you believed in miracles. today, when caring about being cool is so uncool, i enjoy watching miracles happen and am intrigued by the speed at which they often do. having patience while we let the universe process all the details necessary for the big miracles to happen is easier when we make an effort to grasp the complexity. i’m always thinking about caregivers and how their lives are restricted in ways that causes time to seemingly move slowly.  slowly, in the sense of them being able to get on with the things that need to be done for themselves.  i wish i had known what i know now about creating changes, small miracles and large ones, in my life when i was caring for my loved ones for sixteen years.  i would have been consciously creating more and feeling a lot more patient. expect a miracle, they happen everyday! hugs, patricia feel free to send me an email with some of your creative ideas. if you have questions, i’m happy to answer your emails. our faq section answers a few common questions and my bio will give you information on my professional background in case i can help you in other matters. view post reflection i better say it now before i chicken out! january 2, 2017 no comments eek, january 2017!  is it a typical human stage?  an aging boomer grasping for last ditch meaning to her life?  am i alone in this?  why is everything so hard right now, but really great in some ways?  was it that damned poem i read as a young teenager that resonated with me so strongly? i’ve remembered it for over fifty years.  did i “optimistically” shape my whole life around a frigging poem?  was that really my defining moment? dear god! my last blog was about reflecting on our lives during the winter season, taking stock. i’m taking stock big time.  i know we’re just past the holidays and maybe i should be writing something innocuous and cheerful.  frankly, that’s not where i am right now and if my blogging is to be worth anything maybe some readers who really could use some commiseration will relate to me and some good will come out of this for all of us.  the rest of you “cheerful ones” don’t need me now anyway.  make your new years resolutions and keep them.  i wish each of you the best year of your life!  don’t forget to express your gratitude! for those who are ready for a heart to heart, please read on… what began as a quest to figure out what i believed life was all about (a good thing you would think) has turned my life upside down and “appears” to be a disaster.  some of my closest relationships are hardly existent now and i’m more than sick about it.  it’s all my doing, a consequence of my wanting to get the most out of life.  this isn’t mid-life crisis, it’s “the third act”, the act in a play where the big stuff we’ve all been waiting for finally happens and everyone lives happily-ever-after.  all i want is for my life to have a great third act with all the people i love happily sharing it with me.  i don’t want to die with only the history i’ve thus far written. it’s too boring for me to bear!  i can’t be alone in this.  don’t others want to dance, sing, take risk and triumph!  ah, the risk!  it’s been much more than i anticipated.  scary for me, too!  but i’m doing everything i can to handle it on my own.  i didn’t know that lifetime affection for me would change, if i appeared to change some.  i haven’t changed, i’m still here, this has always been me, i just didn’t have the opportunity to take risk when others were in my care.  wouldn’t you think they’d wish me well? i’ve been a caregiver all my life.  responsible, reliable, generous with my time and money (i don’t think anyone i know would disagree with that).  since i was very young people came to me with their problems looking for balanced advice.  at one workplace the staff assigned nicknames, they called me mom!  i thought i had a good handle on things and my conservative lifestyle seemed to prove that out.  safe.  secure. but, things changed when i went in search of something more meaningful than life as i knew it.  my husband died in march 2010, i was, at 62 years old, for the first time in my life living alone.  no parents, no spouse, kids grown and on their own.  some people would find that depressing.  i found it liberating and filled with nothing but opportunity.  i had never been religious, couldn’t relate to organized religion and all its rules.  but, when i finally had time to think, it occurred to me that life had to be about something more than a superficial existence.  it was time to figure out if i could feel something spiritual.  i started by reading the inner tradition of yoga, by michael stone.  it was an eye opener for me. since then, over 6 years, i’ve read on average two books a week. most of them on the subjects of the universe, quantum physics, spirituality and the teachings of christ, buddha & mohammed.  all these subjects come together for me in a lovely way that has given me what i was looking for.   a sense of being part of something much greater than myself.  something wonderful and inspiring.  in this sense my life is better and i’m more optimistic than ever.  however, my quest has shaken my stable, safe life to its roots.  so much is better, but so much is awful.  i can’t say i should have done it differently, i know that everything is as it should be for me to learn lessons like everyone else.  life throws tough times at us to make us stronger and all that.  my objective self always tries to observe myself from a distance, less emotionally attached.  but it really hurts right now.  i’ve learned that these relationships were never what i thought they were. me living in optimistic lulu land, i guess.   i hope i’m wrong (there i go again), maybe others are hurting as i am and there will be a time to repair.  and the relationships will be stronger than ever as a result.  how else can i look at it?  give up?  not in me.  patience.  i haven’t hit the ground yet!  we delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.  – maya angelou here’s to all my lovely readers, cheers!  lets have the best year of our lives in spite of it all!  the third act is just getting started.  i’m planning on three curtain calls!! please let me hear from you if you’d like to chat with me about this subject or any other.  email me at: patricia@caregivingcornerstone.com hugs, patricia view post 1 2 3 … 22 next » about patriciahello, fellow caregivers! i'm patricia and i want to help you get the most of your life right now. when we devote our lives to helping other people, sometimes we forget to practice self-care. we prioritize everyone's needs before our own because we know that we have the strength to do so. but finding that strength isn't always easy. my goal is to provide you with support during those times. i'm here to share my experiences, offer guidance, and most importantly, to listen and hear your stories. welcome and thank you for joining me on this journey of love, life, and celebration. with love, patricia kind words “patricia pugliese is both sage and healing heart; her gift to humanity is the ability to hear between our words.” - mike dooley, ny times bestselling author of infinite possibilities contact me patricia pugliese the caregiving cornerstone call: +1 (760) 224-1955 patricia@caregivingcornerstone.com the caregiving cornerstone 5850 w 3rd street, ste e, #321 los angeles, ca 90036 www.caregivingcornerstone.com subscribe search search for: search send a message name: email: subject: message: captcha: recent posts grounded in nature sometimes a light comes on! a people pleasing non conformist believe and it will happen! how’s that working for you? i better say it now before i chicken out! winter reflection kindness: attempting to walk in another’s shoes? don’t forget the music! you can fit two people into the bathroom on an airplane! a handpicked family! archives april 2017(2) march 2017(1) february 2017(1) january 2017(1) december 2016(2) november 2016(3) october 2016(3) june 2016(1) june 2015(1) may 2015(4) april 2015(5) march 2015(3) february 2015(3) january 2015(2) december 2014(4) november 2014(2) october 2014(3) september 2014(6) august 2014(8) april 2014(1) february 2014(1) january 2014(3) december 2013(4) november 2013(4) october 2013(6) september 2013(8) august 2013(9) july 2013(9) june 2013(6) home about faq contact


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