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Titlethe caregiving cornerstone -

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Description the caregiving cornerstone is a website dedicated to caregiver support. patricia pugliese provides guidance in preparation for caregiving, caregiving endurance, caregiving acceptance, caregiver stress and more. caregiving cornerstone also provides caregiver resources.

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Keywords support for caregivers,caregiver support,senior care,caregiver support services,caregiver stress,family and caregiver support programs,caring for the caregiver,resources for caregivers,caring for an elderly parent,being a caregiver,caregiver burnout,caregiver resources
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i better say it now before i chicken out!
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home about professional bio my story shop faq contact menu reflection i better say it now before i chicken out! january 2, 2017 no comments eek, january 2017!  is it a typical human stage?  an aging boomer grasping for last ditch meaning to her life?  am i alone in this?  why is everything so hard right now, but really great in some ways?  was it that damned poem i read as a young teenager that resonated with me so strongly? i’ve remembered it for over fifty years.  did i “optimistically” shape my whole life around a frigging poem?  was that really my defining moment? dear god! my last blog was about reflecting on our lives during the winter season, taking stock. i’m taking stock big time.  i know we’re just past the holidays and maybe i should be writing something innocuous and cheerful.  frankly, that’s not where i am right now and if my blogging is to be worth anything maybe some readers who really could use some commiseration will relate to me and some good will come out of this for all of us.  the rest of you “cheerful ones” don’t need me now anyway.  make your new years resolutions and keep them.  i wish each of you the best year of your life!  don’t forget to express your gratitude! for those who are ready for a heart to heart, please read on… what began as a quest to figure out what i believed life was all about (a good thing you would think) has turned my life upside down and “appears” to be a disaster.  some of my closest relationships are hardly existent now and i’m more than sick about it.  it’s all my doing, a consequence of my wanting to get the most out of life.  this isn’t mid-life crisis, it’s “the third act”, the act in a play where the big stuff we’ve all been waiting for finally happens and everyone lives happily-ever-after.  all i want is for my life to have a great third act with all the people i love happily sharing it with me.  i don’t want to die with only the history i’ve thus far written. it’s too boring for me to bear!  i can’t be alone in this.  don’t others want to dance, sing, take risk and triumph!  ah, the risk!  it’s been much more than i anticipated.  scary for me, too!  but i’m doing everything i can to handle it on my own.  i didn’t know that lifetime affection for me would change, if i appeared to change some.  i haven’t changed, i’m still here, this has always been me, i just didn’t have the opportunity to take risk when others were in my care.  wouldn’t you think they’d wish me well? i’ve been a caregiver all my life.  responsible, reliable, generous with my time and money (i don’t think anyone i know would disagree with that).  since i was very young people came to me with their problems looking for balanced advice.  at one workplace the staff assigned nicknames, they called me mom!  i thought i had a good handle on things and my conservative lifestyle seemed to prove that out.  safe.  secure. but, things changed when i went in search of something more meaningful than life as i knew it.  my husband died in march 2010, i was, at 62 years old, for the first time in my life living alone.  no parents, no spouse, kids grown and on their own.  some people would find that depressing.  i found it liberating and filled with nothing but opportunity.  i had never been religious, couldn’t relate to organized religion and all its rules.  but, when i finally had time to think, it occurred to me that life had to be about something more than a superficial existence.  it was time to figure out if i could feel something spiritual.  i started by reading the inner tradition of yoga, by michael stone.  it was an eye opener for me. since then, over 6 years, i’ve read on average two books a week. most of them on the subjects of the universe, quantum physics, spirituality and the teachings of christ, buddha & mohammed.  all these subjects come together for me in a lovely way that has given me what i was looking for.   a sense of being part of something much greater than myself.  something wonderful and inspiring.  in this sense my life is better and i’m more optimistic than ever.  however, my quest has shaken my stable, safe life to its roots.  so much is better, but so much is awful.  i can’t say i should have done it differently, i know that everything is as it should be for me to learn lessons like everyone else.  life throws tough times at us to make us stronger and all that.  my objective self always tries to observe myself from a distance, less emotionally attached.  but it really hurts right now.  i’ve learned that these relationships were never what i thought they were. me living in optimistic lulu land, i guess.   i hope i’m wrong (there i go again), maybe others are hurting as i am and there will be a time to repair.  and the relationships will be stronger than ever as a result.  how else can i look at it?  give up?  not in me.  patience.  i haven’t hit the ground yet!  we delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.  – maya angelou here’s to all my lovely readers, cheers!  lets have the best year of our lives in spite of it all!  the third act is just getting started.  i’m planning on three curtain calls!! please let me hear from you if you’d like to chat with me about this subject or any other.  email me at: patricia@caregivingcornerstone.com hugs, patricia view post reflection winter reflection december 12, 2016 no comments “…for experience, the only true knowledge…” herman milville, the confidence man winter season, along with warm traditional holidays, brings on the serious time of year, it seems to me.  unlike spring, summer and fall when we’re more distracted by happenings outdoors, winter can be a time to curl up by the fireplace and take stock.  we gather the highlights, include the lowlights, recognize that we’ve another year of growth behind us and get ready to start afresh january one. no matter what transpired this last year, we’re coming into the home stretch of 2016 and we can chalk this and all our years up to “our” personal story. our own precious history, always unfolding, full of the unexpected, rarely what we might have predicted it would look like at any point. having lived nearly seven decades, through some serious highs and lows, i could look back and say, “if i had the chance, i would change this or that and life would have been so much smoother or much easier.” i could, but i won’t. i wonder how many caregivers look at their current lives and say, “i’m really happy i get to do this.”  that’s a tough one.  when we’re in the midst of life’s challenges, few of us, i suspect, are stopping to say we’re happy about it. i remember saying to myself, “why does it have to be so hard!?”  caregiving is hard, it can be backbreaking and both mentally and physically exhausting.  no time for yourself or others you’d like to be connecting with. it seems to be never ending. but, you know you’re going to do it anyway.  you love those you care for.  you’re the best one for the job and you want it done right. but, happy about it?  perhaps grateful is the word. it’s only now, with sixteen consecutive years of caregiving (for three different loved ones) behind me, that i can see the beauty of it all. that took time and distance.  today, nearly four years after, i’m grateful.  i’m grateful for those days that were so hard.  that took so much tenacity.  i know how strong i am.  i can handle tough times, new situations and emergencies. it took a few years distance and a long history of living to recognize that each seaming period of life had its reasons.  all my experiences were absolutely necessary and came along at the perfect time.  from childhood to young adult, to wife and mother, to business owner, to caregiver, to blog writer for caregivers, was just what i had to experience in order to be able to handle my story as it continues to unfold.  life is never a-piece-of-cake for long.  how boring would that be?  even during great times, you still have to figure out what to do everyday and how to deal with all the people and situations that surround you. experience is life, i hope as you reflect during this winter season you’ll give yourself the gift of feeling grateful for your own unfolding unique story.  i’d love to read it! merry christmas and happy holidays! patricia view post reflection kindness: attempting to walk in another’s shoes? december 5, 2016 no comments the word kind has come within my purview several times in the last few days. does it make sense to discuss kindness? i think it does. will it change the nature of those who don’t understand that they are not innately kind? probably not, it’s nature after all. what it might do, however, is soothe the hurt caused by those who are unkind. they often mistake kindness for weakness, or as a threat (people don’t like to be reminded of their shortcomings). reinforcing that kindness is good and it’s right under any circumstances serves everyone well in the long run. there’s no way to know if most caregivers are kind. but, i’ll venture to say that most kind people are caregivers. kindness is akin to compassion, yet not the same. one who attempts to walk in another’s shoes and tries to provide what they think is needed for that person, with no benefit to themselves, is being kind (a type of kind that’s done when no one is looking). interestingly, a kind person recognizes immediately when someone else is being kind, and they’re grateful. it’s the little things, like making sure another is included in a conversation. or, that something they have accomplished is recognized by others. the instinct to notice that someone is being left out is compassion, doing something about it is kind. in conversation with a close friend recently, i could feel his hurt that his children and siblings hadn’t shown up when he could really have used some help caring for his father. this is a man who shows kindness everyday in many ways, the ultimate caregiver. he brings flowers to his wife regularly, just to make sure she knows she’s in the forefront of his mind. a sick friend gets chicken soup whether they want it or not, as soon as he’s aware they’re sick. when his brother needed him, wasn’t he always there for him? so why did his brother not offer to do something, even just be there for an hour so he could run some errands? who knows? is it that the brother doesn’t get how hard it is, he just assumes that because you always take care of everything, you’d ask for help if you needed it? maybe he’s selfish and just doesn’t care? maybe it’s all of these. it’s too complicated, you’ll never figure it out. so how do you get past the hurt, the lack of kindness and compassion shown toward you? in my experience, the best way to get past emotional pain is to recognize and greatly value your own freedom to be who you are and nurture it. somehow you are that kind and caring person you would hope to be. aren’t you the lucky one? maybe you’re an old soul. maybe the brother is a baby soul, just learning to crawl and has no clue yet that walking is the way to go. may i suggest that you do your best to let others be who they are. let everyone be free to be who they are without your judgement; with its rewards, consequences and all. everyone is living out their own lives as best they know how. it’s so liberating when you let go of being part of someone else’s actions! cherish freedom! be happy you are who you are. this is what works for me when i feel hurt by someone else’s action or inaction. that is, after my heart hurts a little and tears start to well. we’re all human right? big hug! patricia ps:  serendipity strikes again!  the day i wrote this blog about kindness, i received the note from the universe below. if you would like to receive a personalized note each weekday, go to tut.com and signup. i’ve been receiving them for about seven years and they help me start my day on a high note!  i know mike dooley, went on one of his fabulous adventure trips, the one to italy in 2012. they’re cruising the tahitian islands in march! note from the universe to touch someone with kindness, patricia, is to change someone forever. heavy, huh?  that’s nothing. because for everyone you touch, you also reach everyone they will ever know.  and everyone they will ever know.  and everyone they will ever know.  and so, for the rest of all time, your kindness will be felt, in waves that will spread, long after you move on. muchas gracias, the universe don’t ask what happens on a bad day, patricia.  view post reflection don’t forget the music! november 28, 2016 no comments i’m sitting at starbucks, my home away from home, thinking about what i can write to share with you that would be meaningful, maybe helpful. the song “we are family” by sister sledge is playing. i’m reminded of a scene in one of my all time favorite movies, “birdcage”, with robin williams and nathan lane (best john wayne imitation ever) where all the disparate characters in mardi gras style costumes file out of the nightclub in a conga line singing “we are family”. they are people who would never be friends or even speak to each other if they could avoid it, but suddenly they’re thrown together and through the chaos are somehow able to become friends. the music and the party atmosphere bring people together. not unlike a gathering of family and friends at a holiday dinner, sometimes! the music is still playing and i start to picture my own families faces dancing in a conga line. they’re all laughing and singing, really enjoying themselves. the friends and neighbors who always joined us at our holiday dinners join in. i imagine everyone gets out of their chairs, my husband and me, too. he would have been in his transfer chair in the later years, but his grandson ty would have danced him through the line. what fun, i can see everyone singing the words we all know, “we are fam-il-y.” then we all break out into just dancing with each other. all different ages and styles. my daughters are dancing together. my twin granddaughters and their little brother are dancing as a trio. my sister and her husband are joining in. i dance with one of my husbands daughters that i hadn’t really bonded with because we live across the country from each other. i can feel tension melt as we smile, dance and sing together. what an ice breaker! why didn’t we do this before? how right it would be to remember, as a caregiver, to make a point of enjoying the gathering yourself. often, it’s all just work on the holidays for us, with the satisfaction being that everyone else enjoyed themselves. delegate more of the tasks, people are happy to help. plan ahead, do something so that you get to enjoy the loved ones in your life now, not years from now when there’s time. maybe. as i visualize the many beautiful faces of my family and friends in that conga line, i’m looking back at my life, smiling and loving each one of them. think i’ll go buy that album. maybe you’ll join me and have your own conga line this year. we are fam-il-y! hugs, patricia view post caregiving tips you can fit two people into the bathroom on an airplane! november 14, 2016 no comments   “you gotta laugh at some of the things we go through as caregivers or you could end up crying much of the time.” about nine months before my husband passed away in early 2010, we received an invitation to my nieces wedding in sacramento, ca, my hometown.  she’s my only niece and there hadn’t been too many opportunities for the family to gather in many years. one of my three sisters, who i hadn’t seen in 15 years was coming with her husband from oregon.  i didn’t have to say anything.  ed knew that i really wanted to go to the wedding and see all my family.  it was, approximately, a two hour plane trip from san diego.  “book the flight and hotel room, we’re going,” he said.  i was thrilled, but then had second thoughts.  ed was totally blind by then and about 100 pounds.  he could stand on his own but needed guidance and support when walking or using the bathroom.  this would be a tough trip for him.  “are you sure you feel up to this?” i asked.  “absolutely,” was his answer. you can see where this is going. there was no way we could get through a two hour flight without needing a bathroom.  the flight attendants stored the transfer chair safely, just within my reach where they seated us in the front row of coach. when the time came, i said, “okay, we can do this.”  we had a special way of his getting out of a seat by putting his hands on my shoulders, me with bent knees lifting him up and walking backward so he walked forward.  once in, getting the door closed behind me was a bit tricky.  but, it can be done.  so don’t miss out on life because of the bathroom problem. the wedding and family reunion were wonderful.  i didn’t know until months later that ed didn’t really know if he could get through it.  but, he knew how much i would want to see my family so he was determined.  he always said, “love finds a way.” i’d like to say a couple things about walking with someone who is blind and unable to walk on their own.  caregivers often learn things the hard way.  when ed’s eyesight first went totally, it was sudden.  dry macular degeneration with peripheral vision only for several years.  one case in a hundred, one afternoon blood broke through the macula and started flooding one eyes vision and several days later the second.  total blindness.  after about a year and a half enough blood had dissipated in one eye that there was a little light coming through.  the retina specialist suggested cataract surgery, which was successful. now there was enough light showing through that he could see shadows and how many fingers i was holding up.  this doesn’t seem like much but it’s huge.  he could tell up from down and had his balance again. at first we walked with him holding onto my shoulders facing my back. it seemed to work fine.  but he kept getting weaker.  one day we walked out the front door and i stepped down the one porch step to the walkway.  he lost balance and pulled me back on top of him as his back hit the wall and he slid down to the ground. i had caught myself so didn’t crush him. thankfully, i had just that day,  moved very large pots with trees away from that wall.  his back would have hit the pots and been broken. “we got away in a coach!”  another of ed’s sayings.  from then on, i walked backward with him facing me with his hands on my shoulders.  it worked well.  we even got a little fun out of it.  i would sing as we marched (and i do not have a good voice!), “when johnny comes marching home again, hurrah, hurrah…” or, “i’m march’in to new orleans, she used to be my honey, till she stole all my money…”  you gotta laugh, it helps get you through. hugs, patricia view post 1 2 3 … 21 next » about patriciahello, fellow caregivers! i'm patricia and i want to help you get the most of your life right now. when we devote our lives to helping other people, sometimes we forget to practice self-care. we prioritize everyone's needs before our own because we know that we have the strength to do so. but finding that strength isn't always easy. my goal is to provide you with support during those times. i'm here to share my experiences, offer guidance, and most importantly, to listen and hear your stories. welcome and thank you for joining me on this journey of love, life, and celebration. with love, patricia kind words “patricia pugliese is both sage and healing heart; her gift to humanity is the ability to hear between our words.” - mike dooley, ny times bestselling author of infinite possibilities contact me patricia pugliese the caregiving cornerstone call: +1 (760) 224-1955 patricia@caregivingcornerstone.com the caregiving cornerstone 5850 w 3rd street, ste e, #321 los angeles, ca 90036 www.caregivingcornerstone.com subscribesearch search for: search send a message name: email: subject: message: captcha: recent posts i better say it now before i chicken out! winter reflection kindness: attempting to walk in another’s shoes? don’t forget the music! you can fit two people into the bathroom on an airplane! a handpicked family! winter shoes do you recognize your courage? loving gift ideas for those with hearing loss or low vision sleep deprivation archives january 2017(1) december 2016(2) november 2016(3) october 2016(3) june 2016(1) june 2015(1) may 2015(4) april 2015(5) march 2015(3) february 2015(3) january 2015(2) december 2014(4) november 2014(2) october 2014(3) september 2014(6) august 2014(8) april 2014(1) february 2014(1) january 2014(3) december 2013(4) november 2013(4) october 2013(6) september 2013(8) august 2013(9) july 2013(9) june 2013(6) home about shop faq contact


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