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Titleask a manager

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Description not sure what the hell your manager is thinking, how to ask for a raise, whether you might be in danger of getting fired, or more? ask your workplace questions here.

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ask a manager
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is it unprofessional to write notes on your hands, should you take severance or a pip, and more
update: how can i keep my star performer, without being able to pay or promote him (while his less competent coworker earns double)?
weekend free-for-all – december 3-4, 2016
5 more updates from letter-writers
4 updates from letter-writers
how can i get my coworker to stop talking to me all the time?
open thread – december 2-3, 2016
employee’s emotional outbursts might be hormone-related, coworker marks most of her emails as “highly important,” and more
update: employee keeps asking coworkers for food and money
don’t send anonymous notes at work
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1. is it unprofessional to write notes on my hands?
2. i have to take a pre-employment test a second time to ensure i’m not cheating
3. should my husband take severance package or the pip?
4. interviewing a returning employee for the same job he left
5. client is pushing for an in-person meeting, but i’m remote
non-work-related
book recommendation of the week: 
1. advising a great applicant to run far, far away from my troubled workplace
2. how can i ask my manager and coworkers to stop talking about politics at work?
3. i was offered a new position but they won’t tell me what the pay is
4. how do you get experience if all the jobs require you to already have experience?
5. my injury is preventing me from going on a company cruise — and my company wants me to pay them back for my ticket
1. my coworker is threatening to lie to get our manager in trouble
2. how do i tell a laid-off coworker that her old job is open but she shouldn’t apply?
3. starting work after being a stay-at-home parent
4. job-searching advice for a teenager on the autism spectrum
1. i think my employee’s emotional outbursts might be hormone-related
2. coworker marks most of her emails as “highly important”
3. flying out for an interview when i’m a finalist with another company
4. offering to cover for frequently absent coworkers
5. do i have to have my last name on my resume?
show me a random post
b
i
em 1. is it unprofessional to write notes on my hands?
2. i have to take a pre-employment test a second time to ensure i’m not cheating
3. should my husband take severance package or the pip?
4. interviewing a returning employee for the same job he left
5. client is pushing for an in-person meeting, but i’m remote
non-work-related
book recommendation of the week: 
1. advising a great applicant to run far, far away from my troubled workplace
2. how can i ask my manager and coworkers to stop talking about politics at work?
3. i was offered a new position but they won’t tell me what the pay is
4. how do you get experience if all the jobs require you to already have experience?
5. my injury is preventing me from going on a company cruise — and my company wants me to pay them back for my ticket
1. my coworker is threatening to lie to get our manager in trouble
2. how do i tell a laid-off coworker that her old job is open but she shouldn’t apply?
3. starting work after being a stay-at-home parent
4. job-searching advice for a teenager on the autism spectrum
1. i think my employee’s emotional outbursts might be hormone-related
2. coworker marks most of her emails as “highly important”
3. flying out for an interview when i’m a finalist with another company
4. offering to cover for frequently absent coworkers
5. do i have to have my last name on my resume?
show me a random post
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em 22
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ask a manager http://www.askamanager.org/
topics http://www.askamanager.org/topics
archives http://www.askamanager.org/archives
ask a question http://www.askamanager.org/ask-a-question
books http://www.askamanager.org/books
affiliates http://www.askamanager.org/books/affiliates
about me http://www.askamanager.org/about
what readers say http://www.askamanager.org/what-people-say
connect http://www.askamanager.org/follow
surprise me! http://www.askamanager.org/?random
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is it unprofessional to write notes on your hands, should you take severance or a pip, and more http://www.askamanager.org/2016/12/is-it-unprofessional-to-write-notes-on-your-hands-should-you-take-severance-or-a-pip-and-more.html
90-day pip http://www.askamanager.org/2013/05/what-to-do-when-youre-put-on-a-performance-improvement-plan.html
my husband’s boss wants him to lie about our upcoming move http://www.askamanager.org/2015/04/my-husbands-boss-wants-him-to-lie-about-our-upcoming-move.html
my boss asks us to babysit a coworker with anxiety disorder http://www.askamanager.org/2016/10/my-boss-asks-us-to-babysit-a-coworker-with-anxiety-disorder.html
my boss’s husband is a jerk who yells at me when he calls our office http://www.askamanager.org/2015/06/my-bosss-husband-is-a-jerk-who-yells-at-me-when-he-calls-our-office.html
50 comments http://www.askamanager.org/2016/12/is-it-unprofessional-to-write-notes-on-your-hands-should-you-take-severance-or-a-pip-and-more.html#comments
short answers http://www.askamanager.org/category/short-answers
update: how can i keep my star performer, without being able to pay or promote him (while his less competent coworker earns double)? http://www.askamanager.org/2016/12/update-how-can-i-keep-my-star-performer-without-being-able-to-pay-or-promote-him-while-his-less-competent-coworker-earns-double.html
how to keep his young star performer without being able to promote him http://www.askamanager.org/2016/08/how-can-i-keep-my-star-performer-without-being-able-to-pay-or-promote-him.html
i’m being told to let my coworker fail on a $35 million project http://www.askamanager.org/2016/08/im-being-told-to-let-my-coworker-fail-on-a-35-million-project.html
my coworker is complaining to my boss that my morale is low, when it’s not http://www.askamanager.org/2013/01/overly-sensitive-coworker-is-complaining-to-my-boss-that-my-morale-is-low-when-its-not.html
my boss gave me a bonus — from her own personal money. should i accept it? http://www.askamanager.org/2013/06/my-boss-gave-me-a-bonus-from-her-own-personal-money-should-i-accept-it.html
119 comments http://www.askamanager.org/2016/12/update-how-can-i-keep-my-star-performer-without-being-able-to-pay-or-promote-him-while-his-less-competent-coworker-earns-double.html#comments
updates http://www.askamanager.org/category/updates
weekend free-for-all – december 3-4, 2016 http://www.askamanager.org/2016/12/weekend-free-for-all-december-3-4-2016.html
- http://www.askamanager.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/sam-eve.jpg
domestic violets http://amzn.to/2gpbyqw
all my 2015 book recommendations http://www.askamanager.org/2015/12/all-my-2015-book-recommendations.html
my favorite posts of 2014 http://www.askamanager.org/2014/12/my-favorite-posts-of-2014.html
holidays at the office: share your weirdest stories http://www.askamanager.org/2014/12/holidays-at-the-office-share-your-weirdest-stories.html
907 comments http://www.askamanager.org/2016/12/weekend-free-for-all-december-3-4-2016.html#comments
open threads http://www.askamanager.org/category/open-threads
5 more updates from letter-writers http://www.askamanager.org/2016/12/5-more-updates-from-letter-writers.html
advising a great applicant to run far, far away http://www.askamanager.org/2016/09/advising-a-great-applicant-to-run-far-away-from-my-troubled-office-husband-wants-to-quit-his-job-to-job-search-full-time-and-more.html
stop talking about politics at work http://www.askamanager.org/2016/01/how-can-i-ask-my-coworkers-to-stop-talking-about-politics-interview-shoes-when-its-snowy-and-more.html
won’t tell me what the pay is http://www.askamanager.org/2016/06/a-friend-is-aggressively-trying-to-get-a-sales-lead-from-me-i-was-offered-a-new-job-but-they-wont-tell-me-the-salary-and-more.html
all the jobs require you to already have experience http://www.askamanager.org/2016/09/how-do-you-get-experience-if-all-the-jobs-require-you-to-already-have-experience.html
your book http://www.askamanager.org/how-to-get-job-e-book
injury is preventing me from going on a company cruise http://www.askamanager.org/2016/05/my-injury-is-preventing-me-from-going-on-a-company-cruise-and-they-want-me-to-pay-them-back-for-my-ticket.html
i wasn’t even considered for my manager’s job when she left http://www.askamanager.org/2013/01/i-wasnt-even-considered-for-the-role-when-my-manager-left.html
my employer heard i was interviewing and confronted me http://www.askamanager.org/2014/06/my-employer-heard-i-was-interviewing-and-confronted-me.html
i want to tell our ceo to fire his incompetent assistant and hire me for her job http://www.askamanager.org/2016/10/i-want-to-tell-our-ceo-to-fire-his-incompetent-assistant-and-hire-me-for-her-job.html
51 comments http://www.askamanager.org/2016/12/5-more-updates-from-letter-writers.html#comments
updates http://www.askamanager.org/category/updates
4 updates from letter-writers http://www.askamanager.org/2016/12/4-updates-from-letter-writers-4.html
threatening to lie to get our manager in trouble http://www.askamanager.org/2016/11/my-coworker-is-threatening-to-tell-a-lie-about-our-manager-to-get-him-in-trouble.html
her old job is open but she shouldn’t apply http://www.askamanager.org/2016/03/how-do-i-tell-a-laid-off-coworker-that-her-old-job-is-open-but-she-shouldnt-apply.html
work after being a stay-at-home parent http://www.askamanager.org/2015/01/ask-the-readers-starting-work-after-being-a-stay-at-home-parent.html
teenager on the autism spectrum http://www.askamanager.org/2016/09/job-searching-advice-for-a-teenager-on-the-autism-spectrum.html
ask the readers: i think my boss stole my company ipad http://www.askamanager.org/2013/05/ask-the-readers-i-think-my-boss-stole-my-company-ipad.html
my employer heard i was interviewing and confronted me http://www.askamanager.org/2014/06/my-employer-heard-i-was-interviewing-and-confronted-me.html
my boss thinks a board member kept the money from a baby gift collection http://www.askamanager.org/2016/10/my-boss-thinks-a-board-member-kept-the-money-from-a-baby-gift-collection.html
93 comments http://www.askamanager.org/2016/12/4-updates-from-letter-writers-4.html#comments
updates http://www.askamanager.org/category/updates
how can i get my coworker to stop talking to me all the time? http://www.askamanager.org/2016/12/how-can-i-get-my-coworker-to-stop-talking-to-me-all-the-time.html
can read it here http://www.inc.com/alison-green/how-can-i-get-my-coworker-to-stop-talking-to-me.html
my boss demands to know how i’m spending my time off before he’ll approve it http://www.askamanager.org/2014/07/my-boss-demands-to-know-how-im-spending-my-time-off-before-hell-approve-it.html
my boss enters my office without knocking and interrupts phone conversations http://www.askamanager.org/2013/08/my-boss-enters-my-office-without-knocking-and-interrupts-phone-conversations.html
how can i completely disconnect from a difficult former boss? http://www.askamanager.org/2016/09/how-can-i-completely-disconnect-from-a-difficult-former-boss.html
58 comments http://www.askamanager.org/2016/12/how-can-i-get-my-coworker-to-stop-talking-to-me-all-the-time.html#comments
advice about your coworkers http://www.askamanager.org/category/advice-about-your-coworkers
open thread – december 2-3, 2016 http://www.askamanager.org/2016/12/open-thread-december-2-3-2016.html
the worst boss of 2015 is… http://www.askamanager.org/2015/12/the-worst-boss-of-2015-is.html
what to say when you negotiate salary http://www.askamanager.org/2012/07/what-to-say-when-you-negotiate-salary.html
my coworker wants us to call her boyfriend her “master” http://www.askamanager.org/2016/09/my-coworker-wants-us-to-call-her-boyfriend-her-master.html
1,531 comments http://www.askamanager.org/2016/12/open-thread-december-2-3-2016.html#comments
open threads http://www.askamanager.org/category/open-threads
employee’s emotional outbursts might be hormone-related, coworker marks most of her emails as “highly important,” and more http://www.askamanager.org/2016/12/employees-emotional-outbursts-might-be-hormone-related-coworker-marks-most-of-her-emails-as-highly-important-and-more.html
at that point you’d alert a http://www.askamanager.org/2008/07/juggling-job-offers.html
my boss is frequently absent and neglects his work http://www.askamanager.org/2014/08/my-boss-is-frequently-absent-and-neglects-his-work.html
i was promoted, but my boss won’t tell anyone http://www.askamanager.org/2016/04/i-was-promoted-but-my-boss-wont-tell-anyone.html
my constantly awol boss holds me to a higher standard than she holds herself to http://www.askamanager.org/2015/10/my-constantly-awol-boss-holds-me-to-a-higher-standard-than-she-holds-herself-to.html
526 comments http://www.askamanager.org/2016/12/employees-emotional-outbursts-might-be-hormone-related-coworker-marks-most-of-her-emails-as-highly-important-and-more.html#comments
short answers http://www.askamanager.org/category/short-answers
update: employee keeps asking coworkers for food and money http://www.askamanager.org/2016/12/update-employee-keeps-asking-coworkers-for-food-and-money.html
employee kept asking for food and money from her coworkers http://www.askamanager.org/2015/09/employee-keeps-asking-coworkers-for-food-and-money.html
my boss gets angry when i won’t share my food with her http://www.askamanager.org/2016/11/my-boss-gets-angry-when-i-wont-share-my-food-with-her.html
my manager spent the money from an office collection on herself http://www.askamanager.org/2013/09/my-manager-spent-the-money-from-an-office-collection-on-herself.html
i’m in trouble for telling a former employee that my coworkers have been making fun of her http://www.askamanager.org/2015/11/im-in-trouble-for-telling-a-former-employee-that-my-coworkers-have-been-making-fun-of-her.html
293 comments http://www.askamanager.org/2016/12/update-employee-keeps-asking-coworkers-for-food-and-money.html#comments
updates http://www.askamanager.org/category/updates
don’t send anonymous notes at work http://www.askamanager.org/2016/12/dont-send-anonymous-notes-at-work.html
some research http://www.strategy-business.com/article/re00107?gko=1e7e3
my performance review included an anonymous complaint that i don’t sit up straight http://www.askamanager.org/2016/05/my-performance-review-included-an-anonymous-complaint-that-i-dont-sit-up-straight.html
my manager likes our competitor’s idea — the same one she rejected from me last year http://www.askamanager.org/2015/01/my-manager-likes-my-competitors-idea-the-same-one-she-rejected-from-me-last-year.html
my manager is urging me to drop truth bombs on the ceo http://www.askamanager.org/2016/10/my-manager-is-urging-me-to-drop-truth-bombs-on-the-ceo.html
167 comments http://www.askamanager.org/2016/12/dont-send-anonymous-notes-at-work.html#comments
workplace practices http://www.askamanager.org/category/workplace-practices
older posts http://www.askamanager.org/page/2
get my guide http://www.askamanager.org/how-to-get-job-e-book
- http://www.askamanager.org/how-to-get-job-e-book
learn how here http://www.askamanager.org/how-to-guide
- http://www.askamanager.org/how-to-guide
- http://www.askamanager.org/ask-a-question
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is it unprofessional to write notes on your hands, should you take severance or a pip, and more http://www.askamanager.org/2016/12/is-it-unprofessional-to-write-notes-on-your-hands-should-you-take-severance-or-a-pip-and-more.html
update: how can i keep my star performer, without being able to pay or promote him (while his less competent coworker earns double)? http://www.askamanager.org/2016/12/update-how-can-i-keep-my-star-performer-without-being-able-to-pay-or-promote-him-while-his-less-competent-coworker-earns-double.html
weekend free-for-all – december 3-4, 2016 http://www.askamanager.org/2016/12/weekend-free-for-all-december-3-4-2016.html
5 more updates from letter-writers http://www.askamanager.org/2016/12/5-more-updates-from-letter-writers.html
4 updates from letter-writers http://www.askamanager.org/2016/12/4-updates-from-letter-writers-4.html
how can i get my coworker to stop talking to me all the time? http://www.askamanager.org/2016/12/how-can-i-get-my-coworker-to-stop-talking-to-me-all-the-time.html
open thread – december 2-3, 2016 http://www.askamanager.org/2016/12/open-thread-december-2-3-2016.html
employee’s emotional outbursts might be hormone-related, coworker marks most of her emails as “highly important,” and more http://www.askamanager.org/2016/12/employees-emotional-outbursts-might-be-hormone-related-coworker-marks-most-of-her-emails-as-highly-important-and-more.html
update: employee keeps asking coworkers for food and money http://www.askamanager.org/2016/12/update-employee-keeps-asking-coworkers-for-food-and-money.html
don’t send anonymous notes at work http://www.askamanager.org/2016/12/dont-send-anonymous-notes-at-work.html
how to manage a project when you don’t have formal authority http://www.askamanager.org/2016/12/how-to-manage-a-project-when-you-dont-have-formal-authority.html
can i resign via text message? http://www.askamanager.org/2016/12/can-i-resign-via-text-message.html
should i warn someone he might be fired, coworkers are lying about their job titles on linkedin, and more http://www.askamanager.org/2016/12/should-i-warn-someone-he-might-be-fired-coworkers-are-lying-about-their-job-titles-on-linkedin-and-more.html
update: someone left a bullet casing on my desk http://www.askamanager.org/2016/11/update-someone-left-a-bullet-casing-on-my-desk.html
how is your company handling the halt to the new overtime rule? http://www.askamanager.org/2016/11/how-is-your-company-handling-the-halt-to-the-new-overtime-rule.html
my company held a retreat in a zika zone — and is charging people who didn’t go for their plane tickets http://www.askamanager.org/2016/11/my-company-held-a-retreat-in-a-zika-zone-and-is-charging-people-who-didnt-go-for-their-plane-tickets.html
am i scaring off job candidates with early morning interview slots, pressure to chip in more money for a gift to our boss, and more http://www.askamanager.org/2016/11/am-i-scaring-off-job-candidates-with-early-morning-interview-slots-pressure-to-chip-in-more-money-for-a-gift-to-our-boss-and-more.html
update: my employees refuse to call their coworker by her real name http://www.askamanager.org/2016/11/update-my-employees-refuse-to-call-their-coworker-by-her-real-name.html
my coworker overheard me trash-talking her http://www.askamanager.org/2016/11/my-coworker-overheard-me-trash-talking-her.html
should i be honest with a young employee that she’s not cut out for our field? http://www.askamanager.org/2016/11/should-i-be-honest-with-a-young-employee-that-shes-not-cut-out-for-our-field.html
i don’t want to tell coworkers about my weight loss surgery, client called me “beloved,” and more http://www.askamanager.org/2016/11/i-dont-want-to-tell-coworkers-about-my-weight-loss-surgery-client-called-me-beloved-and-more.html
my coworker’s butt crack is always on display http://www.askamanager.org/2016/11/my-coworkers-butt-crack-is-always-on-display.html
everything you need to know about your year-end performance review http://www.askamanager.org/2016/11/everything-you-need-to-know-about-your-year-end-performance-review.html
i’m in trouble for what i wore when when my boss made me pick him up for the airport in the middle of the night http://www.askamanager.org/2016/11/im-in-trouble-for-what-i-wore-when-when-my-boss-made-me-pick-him-up-for-the-airport-in-the-middle-of-the-night.html
smokers in a shared conference room, giving bibles as gifts to employees, and more http://www.askamanager.org/2016/11/smokers-in-a-shared-conference-room-giving-bibles-as-gifts-to-employees-and-more.html
weekend free-for-all – november 26-27, 2016 http://www.askamanager.org/2016/11/weekend-free-for-all-november-26-27-2016.html
open thread – november 25-26, 2016 http://www.askamanager.org/2016/11/open-thread-november-25-26-2016.html
asking a staff member why he’s not going to our holiday dinner, i ghosted on a reference, and more http://www.askamanager.org/2016/11/asking-a-staff-member-why-hes-not-going-to-our-holiday-dinner-i-ghosted-on-a-reference-and-more.html
a round-up of holiday letters from years past http://www.askamanager.org/2016/11/a-round-up-of-holiday-letters-from-years-past.html
thanksgiving free-for-all – november 24-25, 2016 http://www.askamanager.org/2016/11/thanksgiving-free-for-all-november-24-25-2016.html

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ask a manager menu skip to content topics archives ask a question books affiliates about me what readers say connect surprise me! search change font size skip to sidebar is it unprofessional to write notes on your hands, should you take severance or a pip, and more by alison green on december 5, 2016 it’s five answers to five questions. here we go… 1. is it unprofessional to write notes on my hands? i work in a fast-paced environment that’s semi-open to the public, and am frequently running around the office and public area juggling urgent tasks and sudden requests. to keep track of things-i-must-not-forget-but-can’t-do-right-this-very-second, i write on my hands. a lot (palms only). i was meeting my mom after work earlier this week after an incredibly busy day, and had one palm covered in notes (nothing really legible – mostly strings of numbers or a word or two to job my memory. some were faded out.) she mentioned that i might not want to do that at work, since it seems very “teenager-y” (i’m in my early 20s and looking to move up in the company in the next few years). what do you think? unprofessional, stop at once? eh, not the greatest, but outweighed by other professionalism and the fact that it makes a big difference in not dropping tasks or forgetting things? personal quirk, no big deal? not super professional, no. not an outrage or anything like that, but i agree with your mom that it’s likely to come across a little teenager-y. a good litmus test: can you image a high-level exec doing this to keep track of things? it’s not a big deal to do it occasionally, but if it’s a standard part of your m.o. (and it sounds like it is), i’d come up with a different system. can you carry a small notepad? post-its? even just a folded sheet of paper? any of those will serve you better. 2. i have to take a pre-employment test a second time to ensure i’m not cheating i am in the process of job hunting for the first time in a while, and i’m wondering if conventions have changed while i have been off the market. a company to which i’ve applied has had me complete three successive online tests: two personality and one cognitive. now that i have “passed” all three of these tests, they want me to retake the cognitive exam while video-chatting with them in order to ensure that i am not cheating. the tests do not take that long, only about 15 minutes each, but they are very similar to the tests i had to take when i was in high school trying to get a job as a grocery store bag-boy (which sort of makes me feel condescended to). perhaps i am being too sensitive, but i feel like my past job experience and academic transcripts speak for themselves. i don’t understand why i have to keep proving to them that i can figure out 35% of 70! also, the personality test (again similar to one i had to take to get a job in high school) felt very biased. i suffer from anxiety and ptsd and i felt like if i was honest on the test, that i would show up as a bad candidate. there were questions about self-doubt, mood changes, getting stressed, etc. the tests are done by a third party company but the fact that they included grammatical and spelling errors was still alarming. should i be wary of this company making me go through all these assessments before an interview is even offered or am i being unreasonable? a company that makes you take two (two!) separate personality tests is a company to be really wary of. a company that asks you to take a test a second time so they can watch you to ensure that you’re not cheating is a company to run far away from. this isn’t a new convention. it’s just a crappy company. 3. should my husband take severance package or the pip? my husband and i work for the same company. his boss was a team mate who was promoted by default 13 months ago. he is also dating their previous boss, and i believe her dislike for my husband has been inherited by his current boss. they just don’t get along. he is blatantly treated differently than anyone else on his team. in august, my husband was put on a 30-day action plan because my he got defensive at his boss over some customer order (they work in sales). his boss put his finger in my husband’s face while yelling and it just escalated from there. no physical altercations but there was an outburst. it’s been three months since then. my husband even asked his boss and vp to make sure the plan was met and he was in good standing just last week. today he is called upstairs to the vp’s office and presented with a 90-day pip. the previous incident is listed and three other objectives, mostly when it comes to communicating with customers and such. all of these objectives i believe could be met, but i truly feel this boss will find a way to say that my husband isn’t trying hard enough and he will get fired before the 90 days is up. he constantly questions and babysits everything my husband does. he punishes my husband because he’s the only team mate with small children and in the past has said, “it’s not my fault you have a kid,” when it comes to questions about our attendance policy in regards to school functions and such. he allows everyone else to watch movies on their computers when it’s slow and to stand around and talk for hours without any consequence. if my husband is gone too long to the bathroom, he’s questioned on where he’s been. he never unforced the same rules in anyone else the same as he does my husband. even other team mates have noticed but will say nothing. so while meeting today about the pip he was also offered a seven-week severance package in lue of signing the pip. he can also file for unemployment. i think he should take the severance but ask for more. he’s been with the company for six years. he’s also exceeded his sales goal for the year so he would forfeit receiving his bonus. i say he requests the full 14 weeks they offer during layoffs. i truly believe if he signs the pip, his boss will find a way to get rid of him and i’m afraid he’ll get nothing. if he takes the severance, he’ll at least walk away with money in hand plus his vacation days paid out and doesn’t have to see his boss’ face for one more day, much less 90! what do you think he should do? what’s the best way to request more time and a bigger severance? yeah, it doesn’t seem likely that this is going to end well, even if your husband passes the pip. working for a boss who doesn’t like you is basically a ticking time bomb for your career; it’s best to get out. since they’re offering him an opportunity to do that with severance attached to it, it’s probably smart to take it. there’s no harm in trying to negotiate a higher severance payment. he could frame it this way: “it’s clear to me that bob and i don’t mesh well together. because i think it’s a personality conflict, not anything about my work quality, and because i’ve had an excellent history here for six years, i’d like to ask for the 14 weeks of severance you’d give if this were a layoff.” they may not agree, but it’s worth asking; they’re unlikely to pull the entire severance offer just because he tries to negotiate more. 4. interviewing a returning employee for the same job he left a coworker left our company on good terms a for a higher level position at a different organization. after only a few weeks at the new company, he put in his notice and left due to bad management. we are now beginning our interview process to fill his previous position and he has applied to return. what types of interview questions would you recommend we ask? what’s the best way to handle the conflict of interest since the interview team all know him and are friends with him? you don’t need to do a traditional interview where you probe into his skills and experience, because you already know all about his work and what it’s like to work with him. what you really need to know is why he left and why he’s interested in coming back now, because you want to be confident that if you bring him back, he’s not going to be looking to leave in another six months. so you want to get a good understanding of what drew him away in the first place and why he’s enthusiastic about coming back now, and you want to talk with him enough to be sure that you’re not just an easy landing while he’s trying to get away from a bad situation. so, just talk to him like a colleague (which he still basically is), and be candid about what you want to know and why. it sounds like he left for a promotion. how long do you realistically think he’ll be happy coming back to his old, lower-level position? how long does he see himself staying in the role? were there other things that drove him to look, and have those things since been resolved or are they likely to push him to leave again? is his work strong enough that you’d be willing to bring him back even if you thought he might leave again in a year? (for some jobs and situations, that can make sense. for others, it might not.) frankly, if he was a high performer and you’re convinced he’ll stay a reasonable amount of time (and not just return while he continues to look for something else), you should consider just hiring him back rather than going through a full interview process with other people.  (but don’t do that if he was just okay; in that case, you should assess him against other candidates.) 5. client is pushing for an in-person meeting, but i’m remote i work remotely for a company that sells software nationwide. i work with new clients to get them up and running with our product. we start with a 15-minute kick-off phone call, and all of our conversations are by phone and email, which works really well. yesterday i had a client whose office is in the same state as our headquarters. he sent me a message asking if we could meet in person, then called his sales rep trying to reach me but didn’t leave a message. it feels pushy to me, our process works fine without meeting directly, and besides his office is three hours from our office and four hours from my home office. is there a polite way to say that we don’t meet with clients face-to-face? also, i’m new at the job so should i loop my manager in on this? “i actually don’t work from our headquarters — i’m in arizona instead. but i’d be glad to schedule a phone call any time. we find we can get you up and running really easily through phone and email.” the client may just be asking because he assumes it’s a normal and/or easy request to grant and doesn’t realize that your company doesn’t typically do that, and doesn’t realize that you’re not based there. and he might be someone who’s more comfortable meeting in person. but usually just explaining that you’re based somewhere else will take care of it. that said, if you get the sense this person really wants an in-person meeting, you should check with your boss about whether there’s someone who’s not remote who should meet with him. you may also like:my husband’s boss wants him to lie about our upcoming movemy boss asks us to babysit a coworker with anxiety disordermy boss’s husband is a jerk who yells at me when he calls our office { 50 comments } posted in short answers update: how can i keep my star performer, without being able to pay or promote him (while his less competent coworker earns double)? by alison green on december 4, 2016 remember the letter-writer in august who was trying to figure out how to keep his young star performer without being able to promote him or give him much more money … while his slower, less skilled coworker earned almost double? here’s the update. to clarify some things, my company has a two-tier partnership structure. there is the ownership tier that own around 80% of the equity and responsibilities to simplify are sales and finance. then there is a principle tier that is responsible for running each discipline: structural, mechanical, civil, electrical. we each have around 5%. we are given budgets for salaries, and that’s where my major hurdle was. cecil is paid at the market rate for an engineer with his experience and licensure. i have no issues with his performance in a vacuum, but fergus has a better skill set. i was referring to finite element analysis and other design software i wouldn’t expect a structural engineer to know. (i don’t know it either.) using a lot of the suggestions here, i had approached them about raising my budget since fergus just became a lot more marketable and was told no, we need someone at an eit rate to log most of the hours to be competitive. i suggested that we hire a new grad, and was told we don’t have the work backlog to support another engineer. i brought up that we can’t keep both at the status quo and i was confident that fergus could handle the added responsibility if we let cecil go and was informed that “layoffs are bad for moral” and to my astonishment “cecil is approaching 20 years of experience. how do we sell fergus as a lead engineer to a client? he is the same age as some of their kids. nobody will want a millennial in charge.” (is reverse age discrimination a thing?) i’m now thinking about leaving as well. so, after i realized that i wasn’t going to get more than the 7% increase i previously had directed to fergus, i sat him down, explained everything, told him that i wouldn’t blame him for leaving, and offered to write a reference. two weeks ago he asked for a private meeting and gave me his resignation. he’s leaving for a competitor. i asked if he didn’t mind sharing what they offered. he told me, and it was almost double his current salary. i didn’t even insult him with any sort of counter even though i was authorized to. i could’t get that high anyway. i wished him luck, and gave him his last week as pto. you may also like:i’m being told to let my coworker fail on a $35 million projectmy coworker is complaining to my boss that my morale is low, when it’s notmy boss gave me a bonus — from her own personal money. should i accept it? { 119 comments } posted in updates weekend free-for-all – december 3-4, 2016 by alison green on december 3, 2016 please observe the size differential. these are both full-grown cats. this comment section is open for any non-work-related discussion you’d like to have with other readers, by popular demand. (this one is truly no work and no school. if you have a work question, you can email it to me or post it in the work-related open thread on fridays.) book recommendation of the week: domestic violets, by matthew norman. hilarious family dysfunction and workplace snark — what more could you want? it’s seriously very, very funny. you may also like:all my 2015 book recommendationsmy favorite posts of 2014holidays at the office: share your weirdest stories { 907 comments } posted in open threads 5 more updates from letter-writers by alison green on december 3, 2016 here are five more updates from people who had their letters answered here this year. (i’ll be printing updates daily or close-to-daily through the end of the month. we’ve got a lot this year!) 1. advising a great applicant to run far, far away from my troubled workplace (#2 at the link) i really appreciated your feedback and also found the comments very helpful. i felt, truly, for the commenters who chastised me for sitting on the sidelines, because i was chastising myself for that, too. what happened: we offered the candidate the job, and i also took your advice to reach out to them and offer to answer questions, etc at the same time. (it wouldn’t have been weird to my employer to do so, and it was a great suggestion.) but the applicant-turned-new hire did not take me up on that offer. they took the job. within a couple of weeks, the new hire began to express some very polite and professional frustration with the parts of the new job and organization that i think were misrepresented to them. i gave the new hire tips for dealing with their frustrations and how to navigate our organization without going absolutely bonkers. i hope it helps — i think managing expectations and doing a lot of self-care is a huge part of being able to get by in this particular job, because the org’s problems are fundamentally, in hindsight, about a personality issue from the top. i’ve since left the organization, and i’ve been much more direct in my exit interview and memo. i don’t have any expectation that what i had to say will be well received, but i’ve done what i can. i also now know that the feedback i gave our organization has been a repeat of what others (we’re pretty high-turnover) have provided, to no avail. (“stop being so critical, you don’t understand” is the general response received.) for now, i’m banking on our director seeing what a great talent and asset our new hire is, and maybe upon reflection she’ll see that making some intentional changes will help to retain staff. 2. how can i ask my manager and coworkers to stop talking about politics at work? i was pretty prepared to use your suggested responses if the conversations dragged on in meetings, but luckily that didn’t end up happening again. there were shorter discussions about political candidates in meetings towards the beginnings and ends, but in those cases i was able to duck out or tune out until the topic changed. so, i would actually say i ended up taking the advice of the commenters who told me that asking to keep discussions about political candidates out of meetings would be seen as adversarial and wouldn’t be taken well. 3. i was offered a new position but they won’t tell me what the pay is (#2 at the link) thanks for answering my question. i was over-thinking and management was checking to see if i was interested. i did let them know i was not interested. the main reason is that i’ve been training our new hires temporarily since early april. my manager quit at end of april and i continued training new employees under my new manager. i was never paid for april training! i did receive my regular pay, but we are paid extra for the role of a trainer even if it’s temporary role. on top of that, the amount of paperwork i had to complete to show “proof” that training took place rivaled the novel war and peace. my new manager had to research why i was never paid, complete mounds of paperwork, and have various persons from upper management sign off. even after that, no pay. we were told my paperwork was sitting on some executive’s desk waiting to be processed. by early september, i advised my manager that i would be calling hr to complain which i did. i was guaranteed the missing pay would be in this friday’s paycheck. only a few more days and i’ll know. by the way, my company is large, international company. smh…. thank you for your great advice. 4. how do you get experience if all the jobs require you to already have experience? i did end up getting an offer for a technical writing position, which is very exciting for me! thank you again for your help, and thanks to the commenters for their insights. i think reading your book and your archives helped me a lot as well. 5. my injury is preventing me from going on a company cruise — and my company wants me to pay them back for my ticket thank you so much for your time and for all the advise that everyone had suggested. i ended up having a meeting with both hr and for some reason my supervisor. i was willing to work with them if we could come up with some sort of an agreeable figure and/or payments. well, needless to say, i felt like they ganged up on me, to the point where my own supervisor was defending the actions of the company and actually was shaming me for not going. the decision to make me pay stood. with that being said, i asked for an invoice in our last meeting months ago; i have yet to receive it, so i have yet to pay it. you may also like:i wasn’t even considered for my manager’s job when she leftmy employer heard i was interviewing and confronted mei want to tell our ceo to fire his incompetent assistant and hire me for her job { 51 comments } posted in updates 4 updates from letter-writers by alison green on december 2, 2016 here are four updates from people who had their letters answered here this year. 1. my coworker is threatening to lie to get our manager in trouble just wanted to thank you for posting my letter and your answer. it really helped, as well as did the wonderful and helpful comments. i did meet with one of our hr people, and i’m glad i did. i feel good about having done it, and even if it never goes anywhere, i feel a sense of relief for having gotten it off my chest. the hr person was so nice about it, and told me that they do a very thorough job of investigating if anyone makes any allegation, so i shouldn’t fear that one of my managers would get fired because “anne” told a lie. i found out something interesting — when i mentioned that i’d heard “anne” went to hr about manager #1 (the male manager) a few months ago (which my friend had told me “anne” told her), the hr person looked surprised. she told me “i’ll tell you this, and no more, but “anne” came to us over a year ago and hasn’t made any other complaints since.” that makes me feel more and more like “anne” is just a big talker and wouldn’t actually do anything. before i left her office, she made sure to ask me if i had any questions or any further concerns besides this one, and even gave me some advice (consider breaking away from our lunch group or bring up the idea of making our lunch break a work-talk free zone, ie “we are all stressed out by our work, let’s talk about more pleasant things during lunch so we can all decompress for a half hour”). anyway, i hope it helps you to know that you and your other readers helped me pull together the courage i needed to talk to hr about this, and has relieved a lot of anxiety for me. 2. how do i tell a laid-off coworker that her old job is open but she shouldn’t apply? my initial worry that padmé would ask me about the job was for naught. but although she never contacted me, i was so relieved to have the suggested phrasing from you and your readers for how i should respond. padmé did apply for her old job, but it went to rey who is excelling at it and makes a wonderful fit. when the hr rep mentioned to the hiring supervisor that padmé might apply for rey’s old job, the hiring supervisor said he would be willing to interview her. i was in the room with them, but i refrained from saying anything like “don’t interview her just to be kind if you have no intention of hiring her.” in a different situation, i might have said something; in this case, i just zipped it. we ended up hiring a new person, jyn, for that vacancy, and she is fantastic. padmé probably made things worse for herself after not getting her old job back; the head of our section told me that she received a weird, scathing letter from padmé, accusing her of not giving her a fair chance. as much as i was curious to know the contents of that letter (and would have loved to share the juicy bits with the readers), i again zipped my mouth and didn’t ask for further details. no more meddling from me in these situations! my heart was in the right place but now my nose is, too. thank-you all. 3. starting work after being a stay-at-home parent an update to my post about returning to the workforce after being a stay-at-home parent for five years. it has been good and bad. the job i originally wrote you about was a five-month contract, and in the end i didn’t get pulled on full-time which was disappointing, but in the long run it wasn’t a good fit for me anyway. after that contract ended i looked for work for about two to three months and settled into the full-time job i have now. i was originally hired at $1 less an hour than i had made at my job before i became a parent, which was fairly demoralizing, but i needed a job and the benefits and other perks made it worth it. i’ve been there over a year now and have been promoted and am now making $1/hour more than i made previous to staying at home. the transition has been hard and not hard. i definitely don’t have any “mom brain” and while i am older than a lot of my team (i’m about 10 years older than the majority of my colleagues), i have a lot of experience not just in the work we do but in life in general and i was pretty easily fast tracked for my promotion. i feel 100% confident in my abilities in my job and i love having a non-kid space in my life. i feel good paying our rent and having a better control of our finances. on this minus side, i miss a lot of stuff at home — i missed my son’s first day of preschool, i can’t go to meetings for the kids or take them to appointments, i rarely see my parent friends that i was close to. all together though, i like working more than not working and i’m happy that i made the transition. thanks! 4. job-searching advice for a teenager on the autism spectrum so, i did the interview for the retail store on saturday. i arrived at the store in plenty of time, and i walked over to guest services and told them who i was and that i was there for my interview. this guy, we’ll call him “tom,” told me, “okay, go sit on the bench over there and your interviewer will be with you shortly to take you back to the office.” i did as tom told me. sure enough, my interviewer, who we’ll call “curtis,” showed up promptly. curtis took me to a back room, and there were pens and markers and highlighters that were all the store’s main color (which happens to be my favorite color, for another reason). i looked at them, but i resisted the strong urge to use them to doodle all over my arms. self-control, right? well, curtis asked me some questions about my strengths, some “tell me about a time when…” stuff, etc. i answered them politely, with enthusiasm, and exactly how i’d rehearsed them. he absolutely adored me! then, a second interviewer came along. we’ll call her “jessie.” she asked me what my weaknesses are, and some more “tell me about a time when…” stuff, and stuff like that. and i answered her well. she absolutely adored me! then, something really cool happened. like, for me, this would be like having rainbows flow out of my arms when i run. it was that cool. jessie told me that she was going to go get the hr director (let’s call her “patsi”), and that patsi was going to make an offer!!! like, what!? :d so i said, “okay! alright! that works!” so then patsi comes in and asks me, “we’d be paying you $10.00 an hour, does that work?” and i said, “yes!” i got the job!!! you may also like:ask the readers: i think my boss stole my company ipadmy employer heard i was interviewing and confronted memy boss thinks a board member kept the money from a baby gift collection { 93 comments } posted in updates how can i get my coworker to stop talking to me all the time? by alison green on december 2, 2016 a reader writes: i recently joined a new company and got to know a colleague of mine, who happened to come on board on the same day as me. according to her, it’s for this reason that she confides a lot of her personal and professional matters to me during office hours. i even got a text message from her over the weekend, complaining about how she can’t stand our boss. though i played smart by not dispensing any opinions on that, i feel that she has crossed the line of not knowing when to stop “harassing” her fellow colleagues about her personal / work-related issues. how can i break it to her in a firm and yet polite way that i would very much prefer if she keeps her whinging to herself at a moderate level, and also not send me relentless e-mails (via our office email) to “chat with me” when i have specifically asked her not to talk to me while i’m trying to focus on my work here. she just doesn’t seem to get my drift. what should i do and say? i answer this question over at inc. today, where i’m revisiting letters that have been buried in the archives here from years ago (and sometimes updating/expanding my answers to them). you can read it here. you may also like:my boss demands to know how i’m spending my time off before he’ll approve itmy boss enters my office without knocking and interrupts phone conversationshow can i completely disconnect from a difficult former boss? { 58 comments } posted in advice about your coworkers open thread – december 2-3, 2016 by alison green on december 2, 2016 it’s the friday open thread! the comment section on this post is open for discussion with other readers on anything work-related that you want to talk about. if you want an answer from me, emailing me is still your best bet*, but this is a chance to talk to other readers. * if you submitted a question to me recently, please don’t repost it here, as it may be in the to-be-answered queue :) you may also like:the worst boss of 2015 is…what to say when you negotiate salarymy coworker wants us to call her boyfriend her “master” { 1,531 comments } posted in open threads employee’s emotional outbursts might be hormone-related, coworker marks most of her emails as “highly important,” and more by alison green on december 2, 2016 it’s five answers to five questions. here we go… 1. i think my employee’s emotional outbursts might be hormone-related i manage a business with eight employees, which includes one supervisor, diane, who oversees the daily operations of most of the remaining staff. one of those staff members, kristine, is a very good employee; however, she periodically has very strong emotional reactions to work situations (and life situations, but we know to focus on the work ones). here’s the thing though, in reviewing my notes recently (following kristine’s most recent outburst) i’ve realized that these emotionally charged reactions occur at a regular interval of every four weeks. based on the notes and other information informally shared by kristine, it seems very likely that these exaggerated behaviors are hormone/pms-related. while i have no intention of suggesting to kristine that things may feel worse due to hormones/pms, would it be completely inappropriate for me to help her supervisor make this connection too? am i making too big a leap in my assumptions about this? should we address these behaviors that only happen every so often (and so predictably)? even if i don’t say anything to diane about it, is it inappropriate or “too soft” (i don’t want to be a pushover) of me to use a little more caution in addressing errors, requests, etc. during these times of likely increased sensitivity? i think you can legitimately point out to kristine or her manager that this happens at regular four-week intervals, but i wouldn’t speculate to either of them about why that might be. at most, you could say something like, “given that this is happening at regular intervals, it might be worth talking to a doctor about whether there’s something medical going on.” but anything beyond that is too personal (and also gets into icky historical territory about women and emotions). and don’t treat her differently during those time periods — it’s too personal, it’s speculation, and you might be wrong. (and a lot of people — everyone? — would be mortified if they learned that their boss was tip-toeing around them when they suspected they had their period! i am cringing just thinking about it.) most importantly, what you need from her doesn’t change regardless of the cause of her behavior: you need her to stop having disruptive emotional outbursts, and that’s true whether it’s caused by pms, her monthly book club meeting, or anything else. 2. coworker marks most of her emails as “highly important” i have a minor workplace annoyance i’d like your advice on. one of my coworkers is in the habit of consistently sending emails marked as “highly important” with the dreaded red exclamation mark next to it. her role is different than everyone else on our team because she is involved in process improvement and system upgrades, as opposed to just making chocolate teapots like the rest of us. so, in one way her emails are important, but never urgent. i looked back at the past three months (i keep all of my emails in a folder based on who sent them) and roughly 75% of the emails she’s sent were red exclamation marked. is this one of those things i need to just get over or should i talk to her or our boss about it? i’ll admit that i don’t read her emails all that often because my thinking is that if nearly everything she says is highly important, none of it is. am i off-base here? no, that’s annoying. it’s not really a big enough deal that you should definitely speak with her or her boss about it though — it’s more something to just roll your eyes at. that said, if you have a friendly relationship with your coworker and you think she’d take it well, there’s no reason you couldn’t say, “hey, i’ve noticed you mark the majority of your emails as highly important, which really dilutes the impact of marking them that way at all. i didn’t know if you realized how often you do it, but it’s enough that i suspect it’s not having the impact that you intend.” (also, job applicants: stop marking your application-related correspondence this way. it is obnoxious.) 3. flying out for an interview when i’m a finalist with another company i am a finalist for company a, and the position is perfect. i visited the home office at their expense last week ,and i still have one more phone interview to complete later this week. according to company a, i am a very strong candidate. i have also been invited to fly to company b for a set of on-site interviews. i am a strong candidate for company b but they are not my first choice. here is the issue: company a has not made an offer but it is likely that i will have one in the next two weeks. company b is pushing for me to give them dates so that they can fly me up in the next two weeks. i do not want to waste company b’s money because if i get an offer from company a, i will take it. should i let company a know that i am being pursued or should i just continue to interview with both? continue to interview with both. until you have an actual offer from company a, you should continue to proceed as if they weren’t even in the picture — because there’s no guarantee that an offer will materialize. no matter how much they like you a stronger candidate could emerge, a hiring freeze could be implemented, they could reorg the department, or all sorts of other things. so you don’t want to rule out other job possibilities meanwhile. and company b isn’t wasting their money by flying you out; you’re still on the market. you also shouldn’t mention company b to company a at this point, because you’re still just in the interview process with b. company a surely assumes that you’re talking with other companies. if you get an offer from b, at that point you’d alert a in order to see if they could expedite their own timeline … but they’re not likely to do that just because you have upcoming interviews. 4. offering to cover for frequently absent coworkers my job is in one small unit of a much larger organization, most of which involves working with the public. i mostly work on the tech side, although i’m not without experience on the public side. two of my colleagues are regularly out without any notice, at least once a week, and their duties fall to the rest of our division. however, there is no set contingency plan should one or both of them be out. hiring a new person is a process so there’s no short-term relief on the horizon, and maybe no long-term relief. i’m trained in these public jobs (mostly), but i get the feeling that my non-confrontational boss only puts me in them at the last minute and by necessity. i do have goals and projects that i’m working on, although i’m mostly unsupervised while my boss frequently subs in for my absent coworkers. i think this constant chaos is wearing on everyone. i’d like to have at least a little more predictability in my schedule, and i’d like to have some responsibilities automatically fall to me when people are absent. i’d also like to be proactive and help stave off the worst of the chaos that results from multiple people being out. how do i go about asking for these things in a way that is respectful to my boss? he and i have a decent relationship and i’m working on being someone he can rely upon. i know he’s struggling and also not getting much help from above him, and that the situation isn’t likely to get significantly better any time soon. i need to put in at least another couple of years at this institution before moving elsewhere. how can i help my boss make the best of a hard situation? you could say this: “we often end up scrambling for coverage when jane or fergus are out at the last minute. i don’t mind covering for them. what would you think of making me the official sub for them when they’re out? i wouldn’t mind that being our default, and that way we’d have a plan in place and ready to go.” that said, be sure that you want to offer this, and think carefully about whether it will impact your ability to get your own work done or put you in a position where you’re just meeting basic expectations in your job when you otherwise would be exceeding them. pitching in is a good thing, but you should look out for yourself too. 5. do i have to have my last name on my resume? i’d really rather not have my last name on my resume because i’m estranged from my family. would it be okay to put my name down as my first name and last initial? nope. you’ve got to use your last name. using just your first name and last initial would be so out of sync with how resumes work that it would come across very oddly. it’s likely to look like you’re trying to hide something (by avoiding being googled) or just very out of touch with professional conventions, neither of which are good. you may also like:my boss is frequently absent and neglects his worki was promoted, but my boss won’t tell anyonemy constantly awol boss holds me to a higher standard than she holds herself to { 526 comments } posted in short answers update: employee keeps asking coworkers for food and money by alison green on december 1, 2016 remember the letter-writer whose employee kept asking for food and money from her coworkers? here’s the update. i wish i could say it has gotten better, but every few months i get complaints. what sucks about this for her is that she is a great performer otherwise. it is not a food scarcity issue because she also brings her own food every day. this all seems to be part of a deeper issue. she has asked for food from someone’s plate and crashed other department’s closed celebrations. she borrows money from her coworkers and does not pay it back. usually it is change but sometimes it is more. she doesn’t contribute when we take up a collection for something, which is her choice, but she will ask coworkers for money if it is something that requires payment for participation. favors are usually small such as grabbing something off the printer for her or getting a drink, but on at least two occasions she has asked someone to run a personal errand for her. i tell the people complaining to firmly tell her no and that they can ask her to stop asking them. i’ve had multiple one-on-one conversations with her, and we even had a group meeting a few months ago about office etiquette that touched some of these scenarios. each time i have sat down with her, i have first approached from a place of concern for her and then talked how this behavior could impact the team and her career. each time she has pretty much denied that there is an issue. she becomes deeply offended and then will make several petty retailiative complaints about her coworkers in the days following the discussion. we are talking extremely petty … this person smells like lysol … that person clipped their fingernails at work … the person who complained about me asking for food asked someone for ketchup. we have discussed this pattern as well. i met with my manager and hr to let them know of the situation. the employee and i had another sit down a few weeks ago after i received a complaint from someone outside of our workgroup. i told her that we’ve discussed it multiple times and any additional complaints would result in disciplinary action and a mandatory eap referral. we documented the conversation. i have little faith that this behavior will stop, and i realize now that i should have done this much sooner but i was hesitant to come down so heavy on someone who may be in need. you may also like:my boss gets angry when i won’t share my food with hermy manager spent the money from an office collection on herselfi’m in trouble for telling a former employee that my coworkers have been making fun of her { 293 comments } posted in updates don’t send anonymous notes at work by alison green on december 1, 2016 from time to time, i hear someone suggest sending an anonymous note to a coworker, a manager, or hr in order to let someone know about a problem without having to deal with the awkwardness of having a conversation about whatever the issue is — from “you smell” to “my manager is a jerk” to “fergus plays on the internet for five hours a day.” but anonymous notes are rarely, if ever, a good way to handle a problem. first, they have very little, if any, credibility. when you don’t know who’s delivering a message (and the person has deliberately chosen to obscure that), you have no idea how much weight to give it. maybe the person telling hr that their manager a jerk thinks that because they’re under-performing and resent the manager’s efforts to hold them accountable. maybe the person telling you that smell is the office prankster playing a terribly misguided joke. there’s no way to know. what the recipient does know is that the sender wasn’t willing to own the message they’re delivering. and so now the receiver is in a really awkward position. they have to wonder whether the note is reporting a real problem or it’s from someone with an unsubstantiated ax to grind. should they spend time investigating? how much time, if a first look doesn’t reveal any problems? does it make sense to spend significant amounts of time on something that they have no way of knowing is credible? (and unsurprisingly, there’s some research showing that people are less likely to act on anonymous complaints … which makes sense, given all these factors.) plus, if the message is something of the “you smell” variety, now the recipient has to wonder which of their coworkers left the note, which can cause awkwardness in their relationships with everyone, and that’s unfair and even cruel. and yes, sometimes people contemplate sending an anonymous note of a management issue because they’re afraid of retaliation. but an environment that retaliates against people for raising concerns in good faith isn’t one that’s likely to handle an anonymous complaint well either. and an environment that does handle complaints effectively (anonymous ones or otherwise) is one where you likely don’t need the cloak of anonymity in the first place. so, down with anonymous notes. you may also like:my performance review included an anonymous complaint that i don’t sit up straightmy manager likes our competitor’s idea — the same one she rejected from me last yearmy manager is urging me to drop truth bombs on the ceo { 167 comments } posted in workplace practices post navigation ← older posts advertisement search this site looking for a job? get my guide how to prepare for an interview learn how here recent posts is it unprofessional to write notes on your hands, should you take severance or a pip, and more update: how can i keep my star performer, without being able to pay or promote him (while his less competent coworker earns double)? weekend free-for-all – december 3-4, 2016 5 more updates from letter-writers 4 updates from letter-writers how can i get my coworker to stop talking to me all the time? open thread – december 2-3, 2016 employee’s emotional outbursts might be hormone-related, coworker marks most of her emails as “highly important,” and more update: employee keeps asking coworkers for food and money don’t send anonymous notes at work how to manage a project when you don’t have formal authority can i resign via text message? should i warn someone he might be fired, coworkers are lying about their job titles on linkedin, and more update: someone left a bullet casing on my desk how is your company handling the halt to the new overtime rule? my company held a retreat in a zika zone — and is charging people who didn’t go for their plane tickets am i scaring off job candidates with early morning interview slots, pressure to chip in more money for a gift to our boss, and more update: my employees refuse to call their coworker by her real name my coworker overheard me trash-talking her should i be honest with a young employee that she’s not cut out for our field? i don’t want to tell coworkers about my weight loss surgery, client called me “beloved,” and more my coworker’s butt crack is always on display everything you need to know about your year-end performance review i’m in trouble for what i wore when when my boss made me pick him up for the airport in the middle of the night smokers in a shared conference room, giving bibles as gifts to employees, and more weekend free-for-all – november 26-27, 2016 open thread – november 25-26, 2016 asking a staff member why he’s not going to our holiday dinner, i ghosted on a reference, and more a round-up of holiday letters from years past thanksgiving free-for-all – november 24-25, 2016 older posts surprise me! show me a random post advertisement categories advice about your boss (564) advice about your coworkers (557) ask the readers (108) bad advice (54) bad interviewer behavior (58) being the boss (432) cover letters (55) external recruiters (22) family, spouses & significant others (110) firing (86) freelancing (16) gimmicks won't get you a job (15) happy endings (43) hiring (128) interesting jobs (10) internships (48) interviewing (362) jerks (94) job offers (114) job search: following up (25) job searching (458) law + order (117) layoffs (28) me (58) networking (53) new grads (36) open threads (309) phone interviews (21) references (99) rejections (71) resigning (95) resumes (108) salary (173) short answers (1,421) sponsors (32) students (30) thank-you notes (15) uncategorized (240) unemployment (8) updates (390) volunteering (16) work habits (319) workplace practices (353) subscribe by email change default font size a a a advertisement ask a manager ^ back to top copyright © 2007 - 2016 ask a manager. all rights reserved. designed and developed by smallestdecisions.net


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