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ashleyjonesy.com



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Titleoh jones...

Length: 11, Words: 2
Description pusty

Length: 0, Words: 0
Keywords pusty
Robots
Charset UTF-8
Og Meta - Title exist
Og Meta - Description exist
Og Meta - Site name pusty
Tytuł powinien zawierać pomiędzy 10 a 70 znaków (ze spacjami), a mniej niż 12 słów w długości.
Meta opis powinien zawierać pomiędzy 50 a 160 znaków (łącznie ze spacjami), a mniej niż 24 słów w długości.
Kodowanie znaków powinny być określone , UTF-8 jest chyba najlepszy zestaw znaków, aby przejść z powodu UTF-8 jest bardziej międzynarodowy kodowaniem.
Otwarte obiekty wykresu powinny być obecne w stronie internetowej (więcej informacji na temat protokołu OpenGraph: http://ogp.me/)

SEO Content

Words/Characters 8581
Text/HTML 13.31 %
Headings H1 1
H2 9
H3 5
H4 0
H5 0
H6 0
H1
oh jones...
H2
feb 15, 2017
feb 3, 2017
jan 27, 2017
jan 20, 2017
about me
instagram!
skimm it
comin' atcha inbox
search this blog
H3
just another panic at the disco...
well that escalated quickly
maybe a little hocus pocus
a face on the milk carton
whipped into a frenzy....
H4
H5
H6
strong
b
i
em
Bolds strong 0
b 0
i 0
em 0
Zawartość strony internetowej powinno zawierać więcej niż 250 słów, z stopa tekst / kod jest wyższy niż 20%.
Pozycji używać znaczników (h1, h2, h3, ...), aby określić temat sekcji lub ustępów na stronie, ale zwykle, użyj mniej niż 6 dla każdego tagu pozycje zachować swoją stronę zwięzły.
Styl używać silnych i kursywy znaczniki podkreślić swoje słowa kluczowe swojej stronie, ale nie nadużywać (mniej niż 16 silnych tagi i 16 znaczników kursywy)

Statystyki strony

twitter:title pusty
twitter:description pusty
google+ itemprop=name pusty
Pliki zewnętrzne 19
Pliki CSS 4
Pliki javascript 15
Plik należy zmniejszyć całkowite odwołanie plików (CSS + JavaScript) do 7-8 maksymalnie.

Linki wewnętrzne i zewnętrzne

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Linki bez atrybutu Title 156
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Linki zewnętrzne

home http://www.ashleyjonesy.com/
contact info http://www.ashleyjonesy.com/p/contact-me_2.html
twitter https://twitter.com/ashleyjonesy
instagram https://www.instagram.com/ashleyjonesy/
pinterest https://www.pinterest.com/ashleyjonesy/
just another panic at the disco... http://www.ashleyjonesy.com/2017/02/just-another-panic-at-disco.html
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via giphy http://giphy.com/gifs/thebachelor-episode-7-abc-l3q2tdx0kd4sc1vbe
the donut trail. http://www.eatkentucky.com/category/ky-donut-trail/
via giphy http://giphy.com/gifs/lawyer-zvn4izzivks6q
jonesy https://www.blogger.com/profile/08532317068267202860
11:00 pm http://www.ashleyjonesy.com/2017/02/just-another-panic-at-disco.html
2 comments: http://www.ashleyjonesy.com/2017/02/just-another-panic-at-disco.html#comment-form
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well that escalated quickly http://www.ashleyjonesy.com/2017/02/well-that-escalated-quickly.html
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alexis https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-w6m-nhucos
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faith hill https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ycmszun4r_s
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jonesy https://www.blogger.com/profile/08532317068267202860
9:38 pm http://www.ashleyjonesy.com/2017/02/well-that-escalated-quickly.html
1 comment: http://www.ashleyjonesy.com/2017/02/well-that-escalated-quickly.html#comment-form
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maybe a little hocus pocus http://www.ashleyjonesy.com/2017/02/maybe-little-hocus-pocus.html
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via giphy http://giphy.com/gifs/thebachelor-episode-5-abc-d3mmsuxek5omc67s
winnie, mary, and sarah sanderson https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zac-wdrvmuq
jonesy https://www.blogger.com/profile/08532317068267202860
9:57 pm http://www.ashleyjonesy.com/2017/02/maybe-little-hocus-pocus.html
4 comments: http://www.ashleyjonesy.com/2017/02/maybe-little-hocus-pocus.html#comment-form
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a face on the milk carton http://www.ashleyjonesy.com/2017/01/a-face-on-milk-carton.html
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via giphy http://giphy.com/gifs/thebachelor-episode-4-abc-l3q30bvq4hlsxxaee
becca tilley 2.0 https://www.instagram.com/beccatilley/?hl=en
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jonesy https://www.blogger.com/profile/08532317068267202860
5:02 pm http://www.ashleyjonesy.com/2017/01/a-face-on-milk-carton.html
10 comments: http://www.ashleyjonesy.com/2017/01/a-face-on-milk-carton.html#comment-form
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whipped into a frenzy.... http://www.ashleyjonesy.com/2017/01/whipped-into-frenzy.html
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envisioning her first kiss https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eetoyoptzlg
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2:21 pm http://www.ashleyjonesy.com/2017/01/whipped-into-frenzy.html
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home contact info twitter instagram pinterest oh jones... team pacey::burrito enthusiast::will accept your rose skip to main | skip to sidebar feb 15, 2017 just another panic at the disco... like all episodes this season, we were left with a cliff hanger and not a rose ceremony. the last time we saw nick, he was wandering aimlessly through st. thomas figuring out if he was going to be successful in finding love. but after doing some soul searching, listening to panic! at the disco, and talking it out with chris harrison on the beach, he came to the conclusion that he was having real feelings for the women who were left. the women were all so relieved to hear it, and even more excited when they found out they were going to bimini! as the women prepared for their week, corrine mentioned she was the only one left that didn't have a 1:1. i was taken aback by that, seeing as it feels like we've seen her so much. she was hopeful that this was her week, and that she would finally get sushi and 1:1 time with nick...and a yacht. instead when the date card arrived, it wasn't corrine's name, but vanessa's. corrine takes it well. via giphy and by well i mean she vents about how all vanessa talks about is how she's an italian special needs teacher. via giphy vanessa says that she believes that she and nick have a special relationship and that she's ready to tell nick that she's falling in love him. she's positive that he's going to say it back. see what you did ben higgins. you made girls think that was normal. how dare you. jk love you, hope you're well. as they get on a boat, all of america clutched their throats in fear, hoping to all that was holy that vanessa didn't get sea sick. the day date was all about snorkeling. if you have ever watched a "dateline" episode, you know that when a loved one takes you snorkeling there's a 50/50 shot keith morrison is going to be narrating your death. via giphy so while it is not my ideal date, i was glad to see they had such a good time. via giphy at dinner, vanessa said that she was falling for him, and nick replied with, "i like you....a lot." he said that he only wanted to say that he loved someone once...and wanted it to be special. nick. bro. buddy. friend. pal. say it a million times. just find someone. now you've got vanessa all worked up. via giphy he didn't send her home, but did send her back to the house with a lot of concerns. nick had a group date with raven, christina, and corrine. they swam with sharks. again another date that was not made for ashley jones to enjoy. i've got a few rules about sharks and the ocean. 1. i don't dive into waves because i'm afraid i'm going to dive into a sharks open mouth. 2. i always keep at least one person in front of me when standing in the ocean, because if they get pulled down first then i can start running...for help. 3. i know i look delicious to sharks, so i'm going to keep a healthy distance. corrine seemed to have very similar fears. she even asked if the sharks were toothless. christina replied, "sharks have 3 rows of teeth." she's always been the soother of the group. raven thinks it's fine if the other two are afraid, because sharks smell fear, and she's not afraid. she gets it. in the evening, nick tells them that this is the only date that he'll be giving out a rose, guaranteeing a hometown visit. corrine proceeds to freak out even more. and when corrine freaks out...she eats cheese. a lot of it. via giphy while nick did seem to have very meaningful conversations with raven and christina it was pretty clear he did really like having corrine around. raven ended up getting the group date rose, and was super excited for nick to go to hoxie. corrine decided she needed to take things into her own hands, and show nick her sex abilities. you know because: via giphy god. bless. when she shows up to his room, he offers her a drink and they start making out. she takes him into his room, and when she thinks she's sealed the deal, he tells her they need to slow down. corrine leaves feeling like she blew it. she proceeds to sit on the couch freaking out through the next two 1:1s, while people cycle through to tell her she's ok. the last two dates were with blonde danielle and rachel. bd was so happy to have another 1:1 with nick. via giphy while their date was cute it seemed very forced. there is no doubt that bd is probably an actual angel but for some reason...she fell flat. nick told her that he didn't see a future with her. right after she told him the last time she felt something so strong for someone they died. she was ultimately heartbroken. watching blond danielle cry can probably be compared to watching something happen to a dog in a movie. not cool. not cool at all. via giphy when the producers got her bags, the women were stunned. they couldn't believe someone so sweet was gone. from her spot on the couch, corrine took it as a sign that she was next. rachel's date was last and she was perfect as usual. she was open with nick and told him that she was excited for him to meet her family. she told nick via giphy snaps. as they sat and talked, the bartender joined them and told rachel, "make sure this guy really needs you and not just wants you." if you need me, i'll be doing an "eat, pray, love" voyage to find that man so he can give me more wise advice. rachel and nick end their date, and she goes back to the house super pumped. nick goes to catch up with chris harrison and tells him that there is one person he has love for but doesn't believe it's fair to have them go through a rose ceremony and be humiliated in front of everyone. naturally everyone thinks, it's corrine but when he walks in the house, and asks where precious christina is! ok, he just asked where christina was, i added the precious part. because she is. nick tells her she has love her but doesn't see it going to where it is with other women. the look on her face when she realized that she was being sent home was so sad. maybe even sadder than blonde danielle. it seemed like they had a real thing going on. via giphy when i realized she was going home and that nick wouldn't be coming to her hometown of lexington, ky i was filled with a little rage. apparently, nick was too good to come to kentucky. you know the home of bourbon. and the donut trail. also i live in lexington, ky and i could have really used a sit down to hash out some questions i have. but mainly i was upset for christina. what a monster. his "stronger" relationships aside, it was so sad to see her go home. last week it seemed like she was in position to be the one that went far. now, she's probably drying her eyes with a glazed donut. with the way nick is sending women home, i predict that we've got like 2 episodes left. who knows if they're even going to do a "women tell all..." he probably sent them all home...again. what are your thoughts? what hometowns do you think we'll see? do we meet raquel? let it out in the comments! while you're mulling it over, let's also be the happiest in all the land that rachel is the new bachelorette! sure it's weird af that they announced it when she's still on the damn show, but thank goodness! she's going to be amazing. no objections from me. get it? lawyer joke. via giphy posted by jonesy at 11:00 pm 2 comments: email thisblogthis!share to twittershare to facebookshare to pinterest well that escalated quickly week 6 taught us that even if there isn't any crying in baseball there is actually quite a bit of crying in volleyball. it also gave us a final reminder as to why taylor is the pits. the week prior, corrine and nick sped off into the sunset while taylor remained on the island and joined a coven. through that new bond of sisterhood, they empowered her to go back and confront nick. she had two things she needed to say: 1. she's not taking it anymore 2. corrine is a liar. as she was making her way to the confrontation the women seemed zero percent surprised that taylor was the one to go home. they didn't even seem pissed. probably because getting constant advice from someone that has vocal fry is exhausting. as taylor walked in, you could tell corrine was very confused as to how she got there. via giphy part of me believes it's because that she thought taylor now lived on that island forever. nick agreed to go outside with her and talk. i'm not sure if her mission was to be brought back or just speak her mind. mainly because when you tell someone to, "openuh youruh eyeballsuh..." you're not really sounding genuine. nick said that he appreciated her swimming back from sand witch island, but that there wasn't a connection. from there i think taylor sprouted dragon wings and flew home. up next was the cocktail party and rose ceremony... or so the women who had so much to tell nick thought. instead nick knew who he wanted to send home. and even though my love for runs as deep as the waters that sharks swim, left shark alexis was sent home. be free little buddy...be free... via giphy other people left too but i couldn't see who. my eyes were closed as i was singing this to alexis. the remaining women were swept away to st. thomas. christina was given the first 1:1 date of the week. her and nick had awesome chemistry and overall really conversations. it was so sad to hear about christina's life in russia. her story about living in color was so moving. via giphy he gave her the rose and they were off to dance while a bunch of people danced around them. via giphy romance. so many twists and turns. literal twists and turns. especially when dancing... woof that was a rough one. blonde danielle, jasmine, vanessa, corrine, rachel, and raven were all on the group date. almost immediately jasmine started talking about how she had never had 1:1 time and was tired of not getting the attention she deserved. when the women all started playing volleyball, they're calm, laid back game... via giphy turned into a literal sob fest so fast. it escalated so quickly that i can't really even tell you where it went wrong. sure corrine wanted to take a nap. and yeah, jasmine pushed her down. of course, vanessa left because she was fed up with competing. blonde danielle got distracted by a flock of birds who were helping put her hair up in a ponytail and the other woodland creatures that generally find her. raven and rachel seemed ok...just maybe were upset because everyone else was? in the evening the women, still upset from that strong gust of angry wind, continued to talk to nick about why the day had been so hard. jasmine on the other hand...well....raven said it best: via giphy jasmine said she would not be overlooked by nick. in fact, she was so mad. so mad that she wanted to punch him in the face. so mad that she wanted to punch him in the face and choke him. via giphy finally getting some alone time with him, jasmine decided it was time to let him know how she felt. nick hadn't given her a chance and she wanted to just choke him. and then she asked, "has a girl ever given you a chokie before?" via giphy if this show was filmed like "the office," i'm pretty sure nick would have looked at the camera like this: via giphy nick tells her that he's sorry she's upset but that it's gonna be a no from him. she then says in the van that it's because she wasn't given a chance, and that she didn't think it was going to work for nick. some might say she thought he would choke... still here? cool. the next date was another 2:1 with brown hair danielle and whitney. who's whitney? she's the one who's not astrid, and has been quietly lurking. bhd (brown haired danielle) was convinced this date was just a formality because her and nick had such a good relationship. whitney was terrified that she wasn't going to be there for very long. nick brought them to an island via helicopter. because when a formula works (a bed in the sand a la a faith hill music video + leaving a girl alone to cry) it works. after talking to both of them, he determined that danielle made the most sense to keep. so they hopped back on the 'copter and flew to dinner. via giphy update on whitney: she's totally fine. she's got the hang of island life now... really doing well...knows how to light a fire. she's even found someone. it's a tree...she doesn't know that yet...but she's happy so that's good. the next 20 minutes felt like forever. mainly because it was danielle giggling thru awkward silences and telling nick how glad she was that dancing was their thing. it's a lot of people's "thing" but fine sure... vanessa has barfing. corrine has sleeping. raven has rollerblading. blonde danielle has gus gus. christina is friendly. whitney....now has a sweet island home. rachel is perfect always. so i guess, dancing is fine for you, brown haired danielle. as she drones on and on about how happy she is with him, and how she feels like she's falling in love with him, he rubs her hands in silence. it becomes pretty clear to everyone in america that he's getting ready to break up with her. it's not until, she's in the actual van, that i believe she knows she's going home. he tells her that he wishes it could be her that is the one, but she's not. after that he goes to the women's hotel room and tells them that he's having a hard time and doesn't know what he's going to do. he leaves them to wander aimlessly and we're left to think that this could be it...he's walking away. well bye then. don't come back. except do come back because i need to know how this damn thing ends. posted by jonesy at 9:38 pm 1 comment: email thisblogthis!share to twittershare to facebookshare to pinterest feb 3, 2017 maybe a little hocus pocus this week's episode of "rachel is perfect and should be the bachelorette even if nick picks her," was another eventful one. and by eventful i mean there was a 2:1 date with corrine and taylor, and a ghost kid. our to be continued brought us back to corrine and taylor fighting in the emotional intelligence octagon. corrine, although a little confused if intellgency was a word, made sure taylor knew that she was street and people smart. taylor tried her best to demean corrine but in the end, no one can out mean girl the mean girl. to add a little insult to the nerd taylor's confrontation, corrine went to nick to tell her how attacked she felt and how taylor wasn't there for the right reasons. before the rose ceremony began, you could tell that taylor was shook. via giphy corrine on the other hand was fairly confident that taylor was gone forever, as she held her rose, and taylor watched as the number of flowers dwindled... but then at last taylor got the rose and corrine...well she corrine'd via giphy after the ceremony nick told the girls that they were going to new orleans! he said he couldn't think of a better place to fall in love. new orleans...the paris of the south. via giphy there were some good date moments this week for sure, but i just want to take a minute to truly recognize and appreciate left shark alexis. she is truly a national treasure...maybe that's a nic cage reference....maybe it's not. let's say it is. here are the top four reasons she's great: 1. she believes in aliens and is afraid of nicolas cage. 2. when talking about going to new orleans, she said she was excited for gators, grits, and a good time: via giphy 3. while on the group date she put on a mask and looked directly at the camera to say: via giphy 4. whenever she's with nick, they seem to just goof around and have fun. clearly she's not going to be his pick, but she literally gives zero f's and i love it. back to the episode. rachel got the first 1:1 date. i think it's safe to say, based on my twitter timeline alone, that america wants to date rachel lindsay. via giphy the date started with nick buying her only the finest things the producers' money could buy, followed up with a trip to eat beignets. i hope rachel knows how lucky she was on that date. eating a powdery donut in front of a guy you want to make out with? show me where to sign! plus she got a front row seat to nick trying one for the very first time. via giphy hot. they found a second line, a tradition in new orleans, where you celebrate in the street. not gonna lie...nick had some moves. via giphy via giphy she was impressed. i was impressed. jasmine watching from the window as they passed by the women's hotel.....not so impressed. (for someone who has interacted with nick maybe twice, it's funny how up in arms she gets about everything. as the day date ended it was clear that rachel had it bad for nick. their chemistry is solid. via giphy while my heart remains reserved for pacey witter, i'm open to marrying rachel. she's perfect. even barb jones, who texted me to ask what was wrong with the women, admitted that rachel was "cute." #endorsedbybarb at dinner rachel opened up more to nick about her family. her dad is a federal judge, who nick became even more terrified to meet. nick let her know that not only nervous to meet parents in general but specifically because he already asked two sets of parents to marry their daughter and it didn't work out. he didn't want parents of the woman he chose to think that she wasn't equally special. and then it got kinda dusty in my apartment and i was like...whew these are definitely tears from the dust and not this show. the dust. he also told her, that even if it was breaking the rules, he was super into her. nick said he didn't think of anyone else when she was around. so much damn dust. via giphy rachel for prez. or for bachelorette if things don't work out. but not paradise. she's too good for it. the group date was next. no surprise but everyone but corrine and taylor were on the date card. via giphy new orleans, being one of the most haunted cities in america, naturally has many haunted houses. so they found the most haunted one, and just went right on in. i don't know about you but i don't do haunted stuff very well. i believe in ghosts, and i'm not trying to make them mad. i'm fine with being followed around by one if it's patrick swayze in "ghost" or just the actual ghost of patrick swayze, but other than that hard pass on haunted anything tours. raven had similar thoughts and said that if she found a ghost she was going to "rebuke that thing in the name of jesus." they were greeted by the caretaker of the house via giphy who much like regina george's mom, preferred them to drink in the house, and gave them a tray full of mint juleps. he also told them about may, the child ghost, who haunted the house in search of her doll that no one was to touch. you know what's scarier than an adult ghost. a kid ghost. they're extra pissed because they died early, they can't bring their toys with them, and that adults are messing with their stuff. i get it kid ghosts, i get it. i respect it. (yes i'm typing as if they read my blog...i don't know ghosts' lives. technology has advanced a lot.) the women all agree to be respectful of may's things. except for jasmine who touches everything, and even wears may's hat. ghosts don't like jokes, jasmine. why else do you think they say boo? later they decide to pull out a ouija board. via giphy cool. what's next guys? jumanji? have fun waiting in the jungle till may rolls a 5 or 8. while nick pulled women away to chat, the others stayed in the house to form connections with may. blonde danielle and vanessa looked in the mirror with candles and asked may if she was there. the candles flickered. then they asked if they were safe and the candles flickered more. they took it as a good sign. the candles could have also been flickering because they were talking over an open flame, but you know, believe in your dreams, ladies. brown haired danielle told nick how much she cared for him and was generally a snooze fest. raven, told him that she loved him, and made no apologies for it. blonde danielle made out with him so well that she ended up getting the group date rose. jasmine left with no 1:1 time and a ghost to haunt her eternally. via giphy so win win for everybody. back at the hotel, corrine and taylor were gearing up for their 2:1 date. corrine surrounded her self with steak, salad, cheese pasta, and champagne. taylor was surrounded by candles and essential oils, holding on hard to the fact that corrine wouldn't know emotional intelligence if raquel hit her over the head with it. the date was set in the bayou. the women were set to wrestle an alligator and then hillbilly hand fish for nick's undying devotion. not really but it would have been way cooler than the awkward tarot reading and subsequent she said/she said that actually happened. i mean yes, the voodoo priestess seemed very nice and the tarot card reader seemed to know how annoying it was for everyone to be there... via giphy but honestly it was time for nick to make his choice. in the end he chose, corrine, and they rode off in the sunset in a speedboat piloted by a man who looked like every villain in "roadhouse." via giphy taylor stayed back and joined a nice coven... via giphy who empowered her to go to nick and corrine's date and confront them. winnie, mary, and sarah sanderson told her with a master's level education and a new found voodoo priestess power she was too good to be left behind. it ended with her rolling into corrine and nick's dinner date, and yet another to be continued. i respect the producers' hustle but it's almost time to move on from corrine. there are some goodies that are on this show, and i want to see their relationships with nick develop. i need insurance that this is going to work out. because seriously nick, this is it. what are your thoughts about this week? are you team taylor? or are you team corrine and want her to ride it out as long as possible? let me know in the comments! posted by jonesy at 9:57 pm 4 comments: email thisblogthis!share to twittershare to facebookshare to pinterest jan 27, 2017 a face on the milk carton we've made it to week 4 already! was anyone else a little afraid that when we joined the pool party in progress, vanessa was going to be walked out by nick, for telling him how disappointed she was? she didn't hold back when she told him that she was happy to give the rose back if that's how he was going to act. nick told her that he was glad she reached out to him and that she just needed to be patient with corrine. reading between the lines i think that means: "the producers are keeping her here..." she said she understood, but believed that corrine would not be getting a rose. lol. meanwhile, the jasmine, the dancer, was doing her best detective work trying to find corrine. in the first 10 minutes she said, "where is she?" three times. via giphy if you go back to past episodes, she is constantly wondering around asking where corrine is, and what she's doing. considering their dates aren't in the mall of america on black friday, it's not that hard to find her. she's either, asleep, manually blowing up a bounce house, asleep, eating, or writing letters to raquel about how camp is going. dancer doesn't need to put the corrine's face on a milk carton. although, that book really f'ed me up in middle school. barb had to assure me that i was not kidnapped, and reminded me that i looked exactly like my dad. via sarah and taylor, being the super sleuths they were, found corrine sleeping. they let her know that she was acting very privileged and entitled. corrine said she was in no way entitled or privileged. a nanny practically pays for itself, y'all. the rose ceremony was pretty by the book. the women all thought they were about to be corrine free, but were crushed when the final rose went to her. the women were told the next day that they were about to get ready to travel the world. get your passports girls because your first stop is milwaukee, wisconsin- nick's hometown. via giphy everyone knows milwaukee is the paris of the midwest. before the dates, nick met up with america's most defeated parents: mr. & mrs. viall. i don't know if it's because we are always shown his mom weeping, but i've never realized how much his dad looks like an accountant from the 50's trying to take down the mob. via abc.go.com nick's parents told him that they were hopeful for him to find love, but also they were tired of seeing him on the show. they get it. we get it. we're serious nick....this is the last time. the group of women, all gather and nick tells them that it's time for a 1:1, with danielle l. via abc.go.com up until now, she's seemed pretty cool. maybe even a top contender. and for a lot of people she still might be but when she started giggling non-stop i was like: via the whole date, she was trying a litttttle too hard to be carefree and flirty. at the cookie shop she was like, "what if i just put like, this like, icing, on your nose?" such a rebel. via abc.go.com during the tour of his town, nick sees an ex-girlfriend sitting in a coffee shop. very coincidental. via abc.go.com seeing as he had grown up in the town when he was eleven, i can only infer that their relationship was deep and meaningful. danielle was a little thrown that they ran into his ex. let's be real, you can swing a dead cat and hit at least one of nick's exes at this point. via giphy nick asked danielle if she had any burning questions for amber the ex. amber, having known nick at his peak tween maturity, was ready for the grilling. when danielle just giggled, amber said that nick lead with his heart. precious. later they went to a hill to make out, and that's when we learned about danielle being a self proclaimed prude and child of divorce. she wanted to find love, but was scared because she didn't want a divorce like her parents'. the best solution was to come on a show where you and 29 other women date one man, with no real certainty that he will be compatible or that you will end up in love. but hey, sometimes you go on the show and four years later, you're still trying to figure out how to get someone to just let you say "will you marry me?" without getting interrupted. the more nick talked about his time growing up and how he tried to have successful relationships, it made him a little more endearing. he has friend zone written all over him. i mean he said he built a girl shelves for her locker to get a kiss. he claimed he got it but we all know it was on the cheek, and the girl ran to jump in her actual boyfriend's convertible right after. later in the evening he asked her when was the last time she went shopping in her sweatpants. to which i replied, what else do you wear to go shopping? stretchy pants are key when shopping for two reasons: the possibility of a cinnabon free samples he gave her the rose, and then took her to a surprise concert with chris lane. once again they were dancing and kissing in front of a crowd. chris lane looked like how i felt. via abc.go.com the group date card arrived at the house, and even though we are in week 4, there were still about 15 names on it. one of those names being whitney. i can honestly say i thought that was astrid this entire time. the women arrived to see nick feeding a baby cow milk. which is so crazy to me. it's like milk inception. feeding the cow milk, that then makes milk. trippy. they found out that they were going to do farm chores, because nick had a friend who had a farm once. the owners of the farm talked about why important cows were. not only did they make milk but they also helped in the process of making one of earth's greatest gifts: god bless america. via abc.go.com after everyone was shown nick's inability to milk a cow, it was time to shovel poop. as you can imagine, corrine was less than pleased to be doing chores at all, so shoveling poop was clearly not working for her. via giphy she tried, but then had to stop because of a hand situation, that almost sent her to the hospital. that's all according to her. not one ambulance was called. i will say, corrine is funny. she's a terrrrrrrible person, but she's like paris hilton & nicole richie morphed into one person from the simple life and tbh... i love it. via giphy at the after party the women were tired of talking about corrine. astrid or whitney...i have no clue honestly...said she was done talking about her. to be clear: these are not the same people? however, taylor felt like it was important to talk to corrine further about why she was so offended about corrine's napping. corrine, hearing that the women were talking about her stated it was because they didn't really know her. she's a corn husk y'all. with pellets of information and buttery juicy corn... via giphy and honestly, it wasn't that big of a deal that she napped. she pointed out that, abe lincoln and michael jordan napped. she's not wrong they were/are some of history's greatest nappers. everyone knows abe lincoln's famous quote, "four hours and 7 minutes ago, was the amount of time i took a dope ass nap." it's written on the penny. it's also a well known fact that "space jam" was actually a dream michael jordan had during a nap, and he woke up and scribbled everything down before calling warner brothers. right down to bill murray being there and everything. so give corrine a break you guys. via abc.go.com she also got in a fight with christina, who continually questioned her corrine's maturity. via abc.go.com to which corrine replied, via abc.go.com is this mature?! no...no it is not. throughout all of the conversations, taylor, the mental health professional did a terrible job of facilitating the group process. no one's going to heal taylor if you keep talking over people. christina ended up getting the group date rose, while everyone else remained salty about corrine's presence. the last 1:1 date was with raven. via abc.go.com she met up with nick at bella's soccer game. the amount of screen time bella gets makes me wonder if he's her dad. i don't hate the plot twist, but it would explain a lot. of course, nick's parents were at the game. "marry him. end the cycle." once they finished making raven take a blood oath that if asked, she would in fact marry nick, they went to the local skating rink. where you can apparently just win a kid in a claw machine: if you thought they were impossible to win before... i'm not kidding you when i say they were both graceful af on skates. via giphy later, at dinner, nick asked raven about her last serious relationship. her response was basically three solid verses to carrie underwood's next hit. she caught her boyfriend cheating, essentially beat him, and then left. it's gonna be a chart topper. raven is essentially becca tilley 2.0 and i'm here for it. y'all know my stance: becca tilley for prez, but now that she's booed up with robert graham, i'm campaigning for raven. she got the rose, and they ended the evening skating like they were about to go for the gold. at the rose ceremony, taylor was amped up to fight corrine. mainly because she didn't like her, but also because she wanted everyone to know that she knew what "emotional intelligence" meant. after corrine had five or ten of the pigs in a blanket (yas girl) via giphy she decided that she was going to confront taylor. however, taylor was too busy interrupting danielle l., who took nick first, even though she had a rose. so, corrine interrupted taylor and nick...to talk to taylor. via abc.go.com she told taylor she was not dumb and taylor continued to say she wasn't dumb, just not emotionally intelligent. the conversation continued to escalate and though there is a threat of a punch to the face, we won't know if it actually happened until next week because the episode was.... via abc.go.com what are your thoughts? am i being too harsh on danielle l? is taylor going to stick around? or will it be corrine? let me know in the comments! posted by jonesy at 5:02 pm 10 comments: email thisblogthis!share to twittershare to facebookshare to pinterest jan 20, 2017 whipped into a frenzy.... the cliffhanger of last week was pretty short lived. pretty much immediately we were whisked to the cocktail party, where nick said, "i had sex with liz." and the girls were all: via giphy of course some of the women were "shocked" and were "sad" by the revelation, but corrine seemed to sum it up best by saying that the girls were overreacting. could it be? corrine was taking a turn into rational thought? lol. no. she followed up by saying she was just mad that liz had "intercourse" with nick before she could. while some were still dry heaving from the use of the word intercourse, others were noticing that she was flashing herself in the mirror, wearing only a trench coat. like carmen san diego... but in a khaki jacket... and naked underneath.... and everyone is wondering where she is... and what she's doing. little did we all know, she was planning on turning on the "sex charm." via giphy after struggling to get down the stairs, she found nick and told him she had a plan that involved whipped cream. this very non-descript brand, that was disguised so well. she sprayed some in his mouth, and leading with her tongue, like all sexperts do, she kissed him. do you remember in the wedding singer when julia gulia is envisioning her first kiss? she says she wants church tongue, and not porno tongue? corrine always wants porno tongue. doesn't matter the occasion. her grandma could be watching... porno tongue. filling out a girl scout cookie order... porno tongue. sky diving... porno tongue. she don't care. later she put some on her chest and told him to "take it off her boob." they say romance is dead. whenever i watch this show, i always think, what would i do in that situation? could i hang? the majority of the time the answer is....nope. but, here, as i watched corrine spray whipped cream into her mouth, i could envision myself there, doing that same thing. except it wouldn't be in a seductive fashion. i would most likely be eating it while asking nick if he's ever been to wrestlemania. and i definitely wouldn't share... nick said that he was struggling a little bit with corrine. he was juggling being respectful to the other women, but also fulfilling his life long dream of remaking that scene from "varsity blues." someone ended up interrupting them, which corrine took as a bad sign. so she cried in the bathroom about not being able to do anything with him. if that was nothing, god help us when she does something. after her breakdown, corrine went to her room and fell asleep, or sugar induced coma. she didn't feel the need to go the rose ceremony because, well, she already had one. everyone was a little surprised she didn't make an appearance but also didn't really care. nick, being an expert, was a little taken aback that she didn't come down, but it didn't seem to really sway his feelings about her....at all. the first group date was pretty exciting, for all boy band fans. the backstreet boys, showed up in the living room telling the girls that they shouldn't wear heels and that they would be dancing with them for the afternoon. as a dedicated stalker fan of *nsync, and proud owner (and displayer) of all 5 bobble head dolls, i was slightly bitter that they weren't there. it's probably for the best because i'm a firm believer that, in the presence of justin timberlake, no woman or man would give a what what about nick viall. via giphy when the women get to the date, they rehearse with bsb, and find out that they will be performing with them that night on stage. the woman who does the best will be serenaded by them in front of the crowd. corrine, a self proclaimed terrible dancer, "tries" but then runs out of the room when it's obvious that she's not getting the attention from nick. he doesn't follow her, and she continues to be whipped up in a frenzy. (see what i did there.) danielle m prevailed, and was picked as the winner, by aj. as they danced while everyone watched, and wondered what was going on with nick's shirt, it was a nice reminder that when he's not being consumed by corrine, he's not so bad. at the after party, corrine grabs nick first, and tells him she was worried about their time together. he tells her he doesn't think twice about it, and she's reassured that they are going to live a life together. just the two of them...and raquel. who's raquel? let's take a deep dive, shall we? corrine, while talking about her desire for a "tiny" boob job after she has kids, says that she would have to start preparing her nanny. the women, confused, ask her to explain. she explains, that raquel is the proud nanny of a 24 year old woman...named corrine. she makes her cucumbers, cheese pasta, and bed. why does she have a nanny? because raquel loves her job. no one can believe it. especially the professional cheerleader. she literally fell over herself with confusion. the group date rose ended up going to danielle m. corrine wasn't upset though. she knew that danielle only got the rose, so that she wouldn't have a target on her back. yeah...the group roses. not that you're the notorious bachelor mansion flasher. the 1:1 date went to vanessa, who has princess hair. they hopped on a zero force airplane where the experienced what it was like to be an astronaut. nick said he wasn't sure if anyone ever kissed in space, but from the looks of it, that kiss was out of this world. (get it...?) because the plane had to do so many dips and tricks to help them float, it can make folks a little nauseous. pretty quickly the space dance is over, and vanessa throws up in the most polite way i've ever seen. the rest of the date, nick held her hair, rubbed her back, and comforted her. it was again confirmed that, when he's not being egged on to do scandalous things, he's actually pretty sweet. after chewing gum, for what i'm hoping was a good hour and a half, nick kissed and told her she still tasted fine. so gross...yet somehow...so sweet. vanessa talked about how comfortable she felt around nick, and how she was so thankful he was there. i would like to point out that she looks like this after she pukes: after. did i mention after? after. god bless their relationship. if i was on a date and started puking i'm pretty sure i would act like i was turning into a werewolf so they wouldn't look at me, or potentially talk to me ever again. yes, in my book, it is better to be thought as a mythical werewolf, than to be watched while throwing up. later in the evening, they had a very open and honest conversation about why they were there. vanessa said that she started the show shortly after the passing of her grandfather, and that even though it's been difficult being away from her family, nick has really made everything worth it. nick started crying and said that their date made him very optimistic. i mean, heck, it made me optimistic. the last group date was deemed a nickathalon. ladies. they would be competing in various track & field events to win some hot tub time with nick. just casually placed on the side of the track. dominique, feeling entitled to 1:1 time with him, felt a lot of pressure for their first official date. during most of their time together she was either complaining he wouldn't look at her, worried that she was too in her head, and actually being too in her head. for bachelor historians, it's pretty telling when a girl who you've never seen before starts heavily complaining about lack of time. but, alas, the women kept telling her to go out there and be somebody, and try to make nick see why she was there. while the women ran, threw, and long jumped a few athletes stood out. rachel, lex shark, and astrid. astrid also stood out because of poor support, if you catch my drift, but also for her "athleticism." the women's final task was a dash to a ring. the winner would get their hot tub time. rachel, took off, but because she is fierce and fit af, she overshot the ring grab, and it dropped to the ground. here's how it went: i won! f. i believe that i will win. or breaking your freaking fingers, you third place loser. astrid, who technically came in third scooped the broken ring off the ground and jumped in the hot tub with nick in all of her sweaty work out gear. so not only did she get alone time, she probably got some ring worm too. dominique continued to complain about not having any time with nick, and how he was ignoring her. meanwhile, rachel continued to charm the hearts of america, by telling him she wasn't picky about how she got to spend time with him, but just that she got time at all. watching from the shadows, dominique decided it was time to let nick know how she felt. after rachel left, dom told nick that she was going to be honest, and be real with him. nick never gave her a chance, and constantly pulled away from her when she tried to make a connection with him. she needed to feel special. nick, sensing this probably wasn't the right place for her, sent dominique home. via giphy bai. rachel got the group date rose, and i'm very hopeful that if she doesn't get picked, she becomes the next bachelorette. she is a peach. the next day, chris harrison rolled in to tell the women, that there would be no rose ceremony... but there would be a pool party. lex shark, my second favorite for pure entertainment value, was a little hesitant about the pool party. those women were ready for nick, and the second he arrived they were lotioning him up like it was the first time he was ever exposed to the sun. is there such a thing as too much sunscreen? he could have gone down a slip and slide without water he was so slick. naturally, corrine saw this as an opportunity to show off how fun she was, and asked the producers to blow up a bounce house. she invited nick in and then essentially straddled him, like she was in a white snake video. have i already made the reference? if i have, it still applies. she is forever mimicking rock music video vixens. it's concerning. mainly because i'm unsure what kind of supervision raquel has with her during screen time. the women peaking through the fence saw the raunchy behavior, and instead of running in and double bouncing the f out of both of them, decided to be appalled on the outside. once nick left the castle, he was met with an onslaught of women coming to let him know just how terrible corrine was, and that she had a nanny, and that she didn't even know how to clean a spoon. everyone knows you put it under the stream of water in the sink, and soak yourself with the splash back. duh. the episode ended with vanessa finally confronting him, and saying that she wasn't disappointed in corrine, she was disappointed in him. her approach was unforgiving but with the quality date and conversations they had, why would she be easy on him. nick a little flabbergasted tried to defend himself, but overall stammered. this is his fourth time around folks. i want more dates like vanessa's. i don't want him ending up with a scrub like corrine. because, i'm serious--i'm not going through this with him again. i don't care how much bella cries. 4th down nick. make it count. (all screen captured images from abc.go.com) posted by jonesy at 2:21 pm 8 comments: email thisblogthis!share to twittershare to facebookshare to pinterest older posts home about me jonesy i'm just a girl, sitting in front of her tv, yelling about a flower going to the wrong person. just doing my best to make you snort in your cubicle. view my complete profile instagram! skimm it does the news confuse you? do you want to just get the cliff notes in a way that's helpful and non-partisan? then sign up for the skimm! it comes to your mailbox every morning. it's awesome, i look forward to it daily! use my referral link to sign up! http://www.theskimm.com/?r=137ym comin' atcha inbox search this blog powered by blogger.   blog template by designer blogs


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Words density analysis:

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